Making a Relationship with Our Difficult Emotions

Finding an upright,

Dignified posture with your seat really grounding into the earth.

With your shoulders parallel to your hip points and crown of the head parallel to your tailbone.

The tongue is relaxed and the hands are placed mid-thigh.

The heart is open and the chin is tucked and the belly is soft.

The face is soft.

The eyes are soft.

The jaw is soft.

Just take a big deep breath down to your belly.

A slow luxuriating exhale out to really soften the body even more.

And then another big deep breath.

Fill all the way up and maybe hold it for a second at the top.

And then a relaxing,

Releasing,

Sighing exhale out.

And one more just like that.

Completely relaxing.

Permission to let go.

And now that we've softened just a little bit,

Just touch in on whatever is true for you in this moment.

What is it like to be you?

And then can you declare an intention for yourself?

An overarching intention for where you would like to evolve towards emotionally?

Like I was saying,

I want to come to a place of joy and gratitude and love as the primary thing.

That's my ultimate.

What's your ultimate?

And then a specific intention for this session.

How are we going to work on this today?

How are we going to show up today?

And then just one breath to integrate that into our systems.

And then bring your attention right to the center of your chest.

Become mindful of the rising and falling of the heart space in response to the breath.

Inviting yourself to feel this space fully.

One breath at a time.

How are you feeling?

Let there be space at the end of each exhale.

Let the breath be relaxed and natural.

No working at breathing at all needs to happen.

Let there be space at the end of each exhale.

Let there be space at the end of each exhale.

Let me be curious about the physical sensations happening in the space behind your breastbone.

Space of the heart.

What's going on there?

Is there space?

Are things tight?

Are things hard?

Are things heavy?

Are things light?

Can you be kind and bring a loving attention to the space of the heart?

Is there space?

Is there space?

Is there space?

Is there space?

Is there space?

Is there space?

Is there space?

Is there space?

Is there space?

And then begin to inquire of yourself.

What do you want to work with today?

Or just what's most alive in you right now?

So option one is to choose and to start to trigger an emotional reality,

A familiar one.

Perhaps it's been on repeat.

That you would like to work with.

Some level of hurt or disrespect or outrage or upset,

Confusion.

And then option number two is that's already present for you,

Given our discussion.

You don't need to trigger anything,

It's already here.

But either way,

The natural thing that happens next is all kinds of thoughts and images and stories bubble up in the mind.

So just go with that for a little bit and let it get uncomfortable.

Knowing that you are in a safe space.

Use any images you want to,

To trigger the emotion even more.

Think about what was said,

What you wish you had said back,

All of that stuff.

What you want to do,

What you feel like doing.

And then let the feeling come even more.

Make space for it.

We want it as close to like a five,

Maybe a six out of ten in terms of intensity.

And then noticing what it feels like in the mind,

Of course,

And then noticing what's happening in the body.

Where is this feeling state landing in the body?

Are your shoulders tightening?

Is your heart heavy?

Is your face gripping?

Is there tingling somewhere?

Is there numbness,

Resistance to feeling this?

If so,

Just take a breath and see if you can move past that.

And feeling it in the body,

On all of its dimensions,

Its pulsingness,

Its weight,

Its.

.

.

Whether it's sharp or dull or hot or whatever,

Tune in even deeper.

Okay.

And then acknowledging that this feeling is a part of you and noticing how much you have lost your sense of self in this feeling.

See if you can take a breath and stand back from this feeling to unblend from this feeling.

So that there's a little more perspective,

A little more space in the situation.

Try a few times if you have to.

Can you discern whether this is a hurt part of you that's present or whether it's a protective part of you that's present?

Is it something you've shut out or something that you use to defend yourself?

And then ask yourself,

How do I feel towards this part of me?

I wish it would go away.

Am I confused?

Am I angry?

Am I resentful?

Am I embarrassed?

Am I distracted or no?

And all of those other parts that are present,

Acknowledge them as parts and ask them if they'll stand to the side.

Let them know that it's safe for you to work with your hurt.

It's safe for you to work one on one with the principal emotion,

The first thing that we met.

Ask a few times if you need to.

Just separate everybody out and everybody stands to the side except for the emotion you most want to work with and be with right now.

And find the space in you where you feel clear or open to working with this energy.

Maybe even there's some empathy or compassion or curiosity about this feeling you're having.

And then just notice,

Is there any imagery associated,

Any images coming to mind from this feeling?

Does this feeling,

You can ask if it has a name that it would like to be called.

And then invite this part of you to speak to you as crazy as that might sound.

In a friendly voice,

Just like you would address another person in the room.

And then you can ask this part of you to just please tell me your story.

Why are you here?

Where did you come from?

These are all questions you can ask.

And just simply please tell me your story.

Be willing to listen,

Be with,

Whatever is manifesting.

The next question is,

How can I help?

How can I help you to heal,

To rest,

To trust me a little more?

Maybe an apology needs to be made for locking this part of you up for so long.

Or maybe this part needs a gift from you of some sort.

The next question is,

What do you need me to know?

What would you like me to do?

Maybe this part is like really freaking out.

Maybe it's happy to receive these questions from you.

Just stay here.

There's no right or wrong.

No matter whether you're working with a protector or a hurt part,

If you can find the most tender and vulnerable aspect of this part of you.

Wrap that little child in your arms.

And to breathe from the heart,

Sending love.

Looking into its eyes,

Hearing its cries.

Two hands on the heart,

If this is particularly intense and it feels like you need some support.

You can even sing this little one a lullaby if that feels good.

Say any soothing words or bring any soothing energy to the situation.

That feels appropriate.

You can be creative and go wild here.

And then shift to what's called Tonglen.

That is just breathing in to feel all this darkness,

All this confusion,

All this,

Whatever it is,

Anger,

Pain,

Whatever is true for you.

And as you breathe out,

You're adding in the golden space of compassion.

Breathing to feel,

Exhaling more space.

Like you're breaking up the density of this feeling.

Just work with that for a little while,

Breathing in to feel and then more space,

More space,

And whatever that space does to the situation.

You're letting it,

Dissolving it,

Making it smaller.

More space.

Even more.

That's shutting this one out,

But we are bringing more and more light to the situation.

These two energies are not mutually exclusive,

They can coexist.

Compassion and darkness,

Compassion and fear,

Compassion and hurt,

Compassion and on and on.

Feel the breath healing your heart.

And if it becomes possible to smile,

Well then run with that please.

And then let the feelings we've been working with just fade,

Fade,

Fade,

Get smaller and smaller and smaller.

Until it's just so light,

So small that you can take a big deep breath and let it go entirely.

Work is done.

Work is done.

Just rest your mind for a moment.