Put Your Heart Into It Again: The Buddha On Determination

So,

When I was thinking about what I might want to talk about this month,

What seemed to keep coming up for me was a powerful energy and heart quality that's called Aritana,

Which in the Pali language of the Buddha's time means determination or resolve.

And I need to confess I've only recently recognized that I've sort of been unconsciously leaning into this quality of Aritana for the past several years.

And now that I'm slowly becoming more conscious of it,

I really want to commit to using my mindfulness practice to make it even more intentional on my part.

And I know I've mentioned this before,

But for the past several years,

I've really been struggling to kind of slowly crawl my way out of a lot of different difficult losses and situations that have shown up in my life,

Including a cancer diagnosis that I've only recently and very happily been told by my doctors is now officially over.

It's very exciting.

And so one of the main ways that I've been trying to reestablish my footing,

If you will,

Has been to go back to my yoga classes.

And I'm really so grateful to be back.

But to be honest,

It's also been a really,

Truly humbling lesson in patience and also acceptance.

You know,

Especially when I first came back about a year ago now,

I could barely even do just the simplest poses.

And this was so hard for me because for as long as I can recall,

I've always considered myself kind of Gumby.

And about a lifetime ago now,

From the ages of four to 24,

I was actually a competitive gymnast and I traveled around the country competing.

And when I finally quit gymnastics in my mid 20s,

I almost immediately took up yoga.

And then I never really stopped until my body just kind of forced me to.

And so when I finally returned,

I was just completely unprepared for how weak my body had become and also how inflexible and honestly overweight that I'd become.

And also just how sore and tender I was feeling.

And what I quickly realized was that in a very real sense,

I was starting all over again,

All the way back to the beginning.

But of course,

With a much different body than when I started out with.

So in order for me to keep going and not feel completely depressed or defeated,

Or maybe you know,

Just giving up entirely,

I really needed to lean into that heart quality of Aditana or determination and then allow that to give me the energy I still very much need along with patience so that I can continue to slowly recover my body as well as my practice step by step.

And so as I've been going along,

It's been really helpful for me to recall that the prefix Adi,

A-D-H-I in Pali means foundational or beginning and Tana,

T-H-A-N-A means standing or a base.

And so for this talk,

I thought I would explore this important quality of Aditana because it's something we can all really apply to anything good or wholesome that we want for ourselves or for others.

We can really use this energy.

And it also happens to be exactly what the teachings are urging us to not only use to start a meditation practice to start it or maybe revive it,

But also to keep it going because essentially its main aim is awakening itself.

And so as we're considering this quality of Aditana in terms of how we can use it to strengthen and continue our meditation practice,

We also really want to use the practice itself to train ourselves to apply this quality to all aspects of our lives.

And again,

This is just so important because in order for us to not lose hope,

We need to remember,

Be mindful of this quality of determination or resolve and then to really consciously nurture it so that it becomes a more natural,

Almost automatic part of our mindset.

In fact,

The Buddha believed that this quality of Aditana was so crucial for us that he included it as one of what are called the 10 paramis or perfections,

Which are considered the most important heart qualities that we are asked to very consciously cultivate and nurture in order for us to reach enlightenment or maybe if not enlightenment,

Just much more joy and freedom and ease in this lifetime.

If you're curious or interested,

The other nine vital qualities the teachings ask us to practice and develop are generosity,

Virtue,

Renunciation,

Wisdom,

Energy,

Patience,

Truthfulness,

Loving kindness,

And equanimity.

All nine of which,

By the way,

Are also all the things we're being asked to continue to develop using our practice of Aditana determination.

Before I continue though,

I really want to emphasize that Aditana is not in any way to be confused with the word striving as we know it in the English language because striving is actually antithetical to our practice.

Now,

As most of us can likely attest,

The energy of striving can so often be just really stressful because it involves our kind of desperately or maybe even frantically clinging to some sort of result or expectation.

Of course,

We can create all sorts of suffering for both ourselves and others with this kind of striving mind as it's often referred to in Buddhist circles.

Just as a for instance,

Sometimes our sense of self or identity can become so caught up in believing in the necessity of reaching or attaining our goal that we can just lose all sense of living in the actual moment that we're living in and become in a way imprisoned by our ambition or our wanting.

Or we might find ourselves kind of beating ourselves up in some way maybe for not being able to get there as quickly as we would like to or maybe just for failing to live up to our own expectations.

And if we're really caught up in our expectations,

Maybe like a bug in a spider's web,

Really entangled,

We might even find ourselves maybe harming ourselves or others in some way in our attempt to attain or reach that goal.

And so whenever we can notice that any of these things are happening,

We might recognize that we are not practicing the quality of Aditana,

What we're practicing is striving.

The problem is when we're not on the lookout for this distinction,

It's sometimes really tricky to discern whether we're practicing one or the other.

For me,

Whenever I'm trying to assess this,

It's always helpful to remember that along with all the other paramis or qualities of heart,

Our determination or resolve almost never arises from the mind,

Which can so often trick us,

But from the heart,

Which if we really truly listen will always tell us the truth.

So in other words,

Our resolve should always arise from our heart's desire for wholesome or good things for both ourselves and others.

And what this means is that whenever we're desiring something,

We want to use our mindfulness practice to investigate this and then make sure that our motivation includes what are called the four Brahma Viharas or the divine abodes,

Which are the immeasurable expressions of kindness,

Compassion,

Joy,

And equanimity,

Those four.

And if we can remember that,

It can really help us to use our mindfulness practice to more honestly assess whether our striving is healthy or unhealthy,

Or what the Buddha called wholesome or unwholesome,

Or skillful or unskillful,

Wise or unwise.

For instance,

Whenever we find ourselves wanting something,

We might almost immediately just inquire and ask ourselves,

Am I being kind or compassionate to myself as I am aiming for this thing?

Or am I in some way beating myself up or not meeting my own or other people's expectations in some way?

Along these same lines,

We might also consider,

Am I in any way harming myself or even others by striving so hard to achieve my goal?

We might also consider,

Is this thing I'm desiring really wholesome,

As in,

Is it really going to lead me or others towards more joy or happiness?

Or is it maybe something I'm only craving because I believe it will somehow prop up my ego or maybe my sense of self?

It's just a question we can ask and really be honest about.

The great quote from one of my teachers,

Sharon Salzberg,

That I like to remember around this,

Which is,

We meditate not to be good meditators,

But to get better at life.

We meditate not to be good meditators,

But to get better at life.

So as we're investigating,

Another question we might ask ourselves is,

What am I really wanting here?

What am I really wanting?

Is it really the thing that I'm wanting?

Or is it something else,

Maybe something more intangible?

We might even question our own motivation by asking ourselves,

Am I in any way acting out of fear?

As in,

What do I think might happen if I don't attain or reach or achieve this particular goal or thing that I'm wanting?

So with all of these different inquiries,

And there are many,

Many,

The idea is that we really want to use our practice to make sure that what we're practicing is truly at Atitana,

And not a more unhealthy or even harmful type of striving.

There's a old story from one of my favorite Buddhist nuns,

Pema Chodron,

That helps me to better understand this quality of Atitana.

When Pema was in her mid-20s and had just gone through an incredibly difficult and painful divorce,

She said she was experiencing what felt like just excruciating pain and confessed that honestly,

She just wanted to throw in the towel.

So in desperation,

She went to her teacher,

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche,

And she told him,

My life is over,

She said,

My life is over,

I've hit the bottom.

I don't know what to do,

Please help me.

And what her teacher told her was,

Well,

It's a lot like walking into the ocean,

And a big wave comes and knocks you over,

And you find yourself lying on the bottom with sand in your nose and in your mouth,

And you're lying there,

And you have a choice.

You can either lie there,

Or you can stand up and keep walking out to sea.

This is always true,

Isn't it?

Life itself is constantly knocking us over again and again,

Just the nature of life,

The Buddha's first noble truth,

There is suffering.

No matter how much we wish for this to be different,

This is just always going to be true,

There is suffering.

And we have a choice,

We can either continue to lie there,

Or we can stand up and keep walking out to sea.

And to me,

That story just really emphasizes the essence of this heart quality of Adhitana,

Because it's telling us we have a choice in this life,

And that we can choose to stand up for both ourselves and for others,

And begin again,

Over and over again,

Do not give up,

Do not give up.

And I find it interesting to know that in the Thai language,

The word for vow is also translated as determination,

And so in a very real sense,

When we are stepping onto the spiritual path,

We are making a vow to ourselves,

Like a marriage vow,

Agreeing essentially to be with ourselves and our messy,

Unpredictable lives and our practice,

No matter what,

From this day forward,

Better or worse,

Richer or poorer,

In sickness and in health,

Until death do us part.

This vow we make to ourselves is so important because,

As we all know,

Staying on the spiritual path can often be incredibly difficult at times,

But stepping off the path can often just be really easy,

For so many different reasons.

One of the first and maybe main reasons that it can be easy to be derailed is when something big knocks us over,

Like one of those big waves.

So part of our practice is to actually be closely on the lookout for those waves,

Because we don't want them to completely knock us over every time.

So for instance,

This wave can arrive when we get sick,

Or injured,

Or maybe when someone in our family gets sick,

Or even passes away.

This wave might appear when there's a big change in our lives,

Like a big job change,

Or a move,

Or maybe a new relationship,

Or a new baby enters the family.

So those are kind of the big things.

But sometimes this wave can be as simple as a vacation,

Or a trip somewhere.

It can really be whatever knocks us just a little more strongly out of our regular routine.

And if we're not conscious or aware of these waves,

We've forgotten a resolve or a vow,

What happens is that our practice can start to slip,

And sadly,

Sometimes it can just disappear for years even,

Maybe even forever,

Just go.

Even for those of us who have been doing this for quite a while,

Maintaining a regular day to day practice is not easy.

Just like a marriage is not easy,

Not easy.

Which means of course that it's even more difficult for newcomers,

Especially when we've maybe reached that place where,

If you'll excuse the expression,

You know the shit really starts to hit the fan.

Like after we've learned how to calm both the mind and the body,

Suddenly we start seeing all of our stuff,

All those things that we've been holding under the surface,

Maybe not willing to take a good look at.

And sometimes this can just really feel like just too much.

What happens is that we just want to run,

Tend to just run.

So if you've ever experienced that,

Please know you are not in any way alone.

This is so common.

I tend to see this especially on some of the overnight retreats that I lead,

And in meditation teacher Parlance,

This is affectionately known as the bail,

The bail.

On one longer retreat that I led actually,

I very vividly recall a woman who was brand new to practice who wrote me a note on maybe the second or third day that was so simple and just so honest.

The note just said,

This is just too much for me,

I'm sorry.

This is just too much for me,

I'm sorry.

Especially in the beginning,

We might even start thinking,

What am I doing?

All this meditation seems to be making me more unhappy.

Why do I want to practice this?

Or we might want our practice to be like a nice drink of wine every time.

Or we might want it to be easy and simple and uncomplicated.

Or we might want it to be the same every single time.

Or this is common,

We want it to somehow take us out of body into some kind of a mystical state.

Or maybe our bodies just aren't cooperating.

Maybe we're working with pain or tiredness,

Agitation,

Squirming.

Maybe we're just completely bored with the practice.

And so when any of these things come up,

Our minds start talking to us like a little person who's whispering things like,

I'm just too tired today or my body is too achy.

Or I've got way too much to do and I'm super stressed,

I'll meditate tomorrow.

Or I'm super emotional today,

Too angry,

Sad,

Full of self-doubt,

I'll do it tomorrow when I'm more peaceful.

But that's a little like saying,

I'll go to the gym after I lose all this weight.

Or we might think,

My God,

It just takes too long,

I think I just need a drink.

But as we all know,

Whenever we skip our practice,

It just becomes easier and easier to skip it the next day and the next and the next.

And suddenly it's just no longer part of our lives.

Another way we cheat ourselves or walk away from our resolve is by not making the most of our sits.

So for instance,

This might look like stopping at 10 or 20 minutes instead of doing the work of trying to deepen it,

Especially when the going gets rough in some way.

Again,

We might find ourselves telling ourselves things like,

I'm too tired,

This is boring,

I'm not feeling that promised enlightened bliss,

Too hard,

Et cetera,

So I'm just going to get up now.

The sad part of this is that as a result,

If we keep doing this over and over,

We're never going to get a taste of what lies outside the limits of our expectations.

One of my favorite teachers,

The scholar Tanisaro Biko,

Tells us this.

The Buddha said the purpose of the practice is to see what you've never seen before,

Realize what you've never realized before,

And many of these things you've never seen or realized lie outside the limits of your imagination.

But in order to see them,

You have to learn how to push yourself more than you might imagine,

More than you might imagine.

He also said that doing this requires not only resolve but being skillful with our resolve.

And very happily,

In the teachings,

The Buddha helps us with this by teaching us that our resolve and determination should include four qualities,

Which are discernment,

Truth,

Relinquishment,

And peace,

Those four.

I wanted to explore these a little bit,

And I thought I'd start with that first one,

Which is discernment,

Which essentially means two different things.

So first,

Whenever we're considering our goals,

We're asked to discern what might be wise and attainable.

So in other words,

We want to make sure that what we've chosen is sustainable.

Otherwise,

If we push ourselves too hard,

It's just going to make us feel really disappointed in ourselves,

And then suddenly,

It's going to feel okay to just quit.

So as an example,

We might find ourselves thinking,

Okay,

I'm totally motivated.

Instead of sitting 15,

20 minutes a day,

I'm going to go ahead and sit for an hour in the morning and an hour at night,

And also try to do this in full lotus position.

Or I'm not going to let myself move in any way while I'm practicing,

Even if my legs fall asleep or a stinky bug lands on my nose for 20 minutes or something.

So as you might imagine,

All of those things are just a setup for disappointment.

And so what happens,

Of course,

Is that we end up quitting because it just seems like too much.

So if we want our practice to be sustainable,

We want to really choose something that is attainable.

And so maybe we start with 5,

10,

15,

20 minutes of practice,

And then slowly increase the time by 5-minute increments,

So that again,

It's attainable and sustainable.

And if we want our practice to be sustainable,

What is absolutely essential is for us to pick a daily time and to stick with it.

It's essential.

Especially if you're new to practice,

I hope you can really take this advice to heart,

Because just telling yourself that you're going to meditate at some point during the day when you feel like it or when you find time honestly rarely,

If ever,

Actually works.

One of my teachers and my first mentor,

Tara Brock,

Often tells a story about when she was a young single mother with an infant,

And even back then she was a full-time meditation teacher,

But she just could not seem to find one second in the day to practice.

And so she made a vow to herself to sit every single day,

No matter what,

To keep that kind of trail of breadcrumbs going so that she could find her way back to her practice and would not lose her way there during that period when she was caring for an infant.

And actually during that time,

She said the most she could do most days was to sit on the edge of her bed right before she went to sleep for just five minutes.

But it did the trick because it kept her from losing her practice.

And when we're talking about Aritana,

Those short five minutes really mattered because they not only contributed to her resolve,

But to her actual practice.

After my second cancer surgery,

I started doing some things that I thought would be helpful to heal my body,

Which included acupuncture.

And one day my acupuncturist said something to me that was so simple,

But it was so helpful that I'm still using it today.

It's become one of my favorite Buddha sticky notes,

Which many of you know are short pithy statements that I like to put on sticky notes to remind me of the more deeper teachings of the Buddha,

Kind of like a shorthand.

So after listening to my sense of just deep overwhelm one day,

My acupuncturist casually said to me,

Step by step,

It'll all fall into place.

Step by step.

And I just thought it was such a good way to think about this quality of Aritana or resolve.

Step by step,

Step by step.

There's a great piece of scripture called the Shipnava Sutta.

The Buddha talks about this kind of patient faith and dedication this way.

This is what he said.

Just as when a carpenter or carpenters apprentice sees the marks of his fingers or thumb on the handle of his ads,

But does not know today,

My ads handle wore down this much or yesterday it wore down that much or the day before yesterday it wore down this much.

Still he knows it is worn through when it is worn through.

The same way when a monk dwells,

Devoting himself to development,

He does not know today my effluence wore down this much or yesterday they wore down that much or the day before yesterday they wore down this much.

Still he knows they are worn through when they are worn through.

In the Dhammapada,

One of the lines that I love to remember is similar to this,

Which is think not lightly of good saying it will not come to me.

Drop by drop is the water pot filled.

Likewise,

A wise person gathering it little by little fills oneself with good.

Little by little fills oneself with good.

And so the second aspect of discernment that we want to look at involves setting specific goals for our practice.

For instance,

A lot of people just sit down somewhere and start practicing right away and that's fine,

That's totally fine,

But we're really going to see a difference if we keep in mind a particular goal.

For instance,

Maybe we set a goal to try to stay with or return to our breath for the whole half an hour or so.

Stay with the breath.

Or maybe we decide that our goal is to deepen our sense of presence,

Opening up to all our senses.

Or maybe we decide we want to try to meet everything that arises with a deeper sense of kindness and compassion for ourselves and we spend the whole time just doing that.

Or maybe our goal is to get a sense of the aspect of no self,

To experience just pure being and sensation,

Recognizing that we are simply in the moment experiencing whatever's here.

It can also be a really good practice to take a look at our goals themselves and see if they are in any way strengthening a sense of self.

Or if we're in some way striving to be out of body,

We're on another plane.

Some examples of this might be thinking things like,

All right,

If I get really good at this,

Maybe I'll start levitating.

Or maybe I'll discover that I have special magical powers or that I can actually rise above,

Just like floating,

Everyone else or,

You know,

If I keep doing this,

I'm going to be a super good spiritual person,

The best meditator ever.

So whenever we're making these goals,

It's also helpful to remember that we aren't meditating to puff up a self,

But to learn to let go of a self and just become that particular quality that we're nurturing.

The late great teacher Ram Dass once described this process this way,

He said,

The most important aspect of love is not in giving or receiving,

It is in the being.

When I need love from others or need to give love to others,

I'm caught in an unstable situation.

Being in love rather than giving or taking love is the only thing that provides stability.

Being in love means seeing the beloved all around me.

So the trick to all of this really lies in having a goal and then letting go of striving for the result of it.

Really important.

Another teacher that I love,

Tanisara,

Describes it this way,

She says,

Dharma practice presents us with a paradox.

We're both moving somewhere to a goal while also deepening into being more fully here,

Here within our body,

With the breath,

The awareness of the moment.

In this paradox,

We can hold a sense of Aditana in a way that acts as a compass,

Helping us to chart our course while also being true to the imperative of appropriate response within each moment.

So whenever we're considering our Aditana as being a kind of compass for us,

It becomes equally important to reflect on our more long-term goals,

Because otherwise our practice can really start to lose focus,

And again,

We can start to lose our resolve.

So with the second step of setting goals for ourselves,

We really want to keep reminding ourselves why it is that we're meditating in the first place,

Or maybe why we've set a particular goal for ourselves in our lives,

Really considering this.

For me,

Whenever I'm practicing,

I like to remind myself of why I'm doing it by reciting the metta prayer at the very end of my sits,

Mainly as a way to really solidify my long-term Aditana or resolve.

So I really encourage all of my students to come up with their own metta phrases to complete their daily practice,

Because it's such an excellent way for us to remember our vow and to strengthen our Aditana.

For me,

Whenever I do this,

I usually recite the phrases for myself first,

Because the practice really demands this of us,

And then I practice sending it out to all beings everywhere.

Over the years,

I've increased the different phrases that I use to about 15 or so,

But the original ones that I created for myself are still there,

And those of you who have sat with me over the years might recognize these.

They haven't changed.

They are,

May I nurture gratitude,

Grace,

And ease in my life.

May I be secure,

Grounded,

And connected.

May I be happily and successfully contributing with harm to none and benefit to all.

May I be kind and compassionate to myself as well as to others.

May I be healthy and free from both internal and external harm.

So when I finish those and the other 10 that I have,

I then include everyone in this prayer and say things like,

May we all nurture gratitude,

Grace,

And ease in our lives.

May we all be secure,

Grounded,

And connected.

May we all be happily and successfully contributing with harm to none and benefit to all.

May we all be kind and compassionate to ourselves and to each other.

May we all,

Including this beautiful planet,

Be healthy and free from both internal and external harm.

And honestly,

The last line I say is actually the most important to me,

Which is,

May the fruits of my practice benefit all beings everywhere without exception.

And so that reminds me that that is truly my long-term goal,

That I'm not just doing it for myself alone.

So the second element of resolve is to stay true to our determination.

And this step,

Too,

Involves offering ourselves great kindness and patience.

So for instance,

We don't quit just because we've forgotten to sit for a few days or a week or a month or even a year.

We don't quit.

We simply recall our vow and,

Again,

Remember our goal and why we're doing it,

And we begin again.

In fact,

We can learn to relate to the practice itself just like we do with the breath.

Whenever we notice that we've been away,

We use this mindful recognition to very kindly and gently bring ourselves back.

To quote Sharon Salzberg again,

She tells us,

Quote,

The heart of skillful meditation is the ability to let go and begin again over and over again.

Even if you have to do that thousands of times,

It does not matter.

There is no distance to traverse.

Right in that very moment,

We can begin again.

Nothing has been ruined,

And there is no such thing as failing.

Just love that.

And so the third element in our adhitana is relinquishment.

What this means is that in our efforts to be true to our determination and resolve,

We need to recognize and accept that there are things we're going to have to give up in order to get there,

Right?

It's just like dieting.

If we want to lose some weight,

We're going to have to give up eating so much,

Right?

With meditation,

We might need to give up a half an hour of sleep in order to get up earlier to practice,

Or maybe we'll need to give up watching that TV show we like or some other thing we want to do rather than just sit.

The Dhammapada,

There's a great line that points to this where the Buddha tells us,

If you see a greater happiness that comes from forsaking a lesser happiness,

Be willing to forsake the lesser happiness for the sake of the greater one.

I'll read that again.

If you see a greater happiness that comes from forsaking a lesser happiness,

Be willing to forsake the lesser happiness for the sake of the greater one.

Thanissaro Bhikkhu said it another way.

He wrote,

The things that really pull us off the path are those that look good and promise a quicker gratification,

But once we've got the results of the quick fix,

Many times we don't get any gratification at all.

It was all an illusion,

Or we get a little bit,

But it wasn't worth it.

In her,

I think it's helpful to remember that it's just our human tendency to want things to be easy or pleasurable.

We all want to feel good,

And of course,

We all want to get away from ourselves and our lives sometimes,

And it's not like these things are necessarily wrong,

But the teachings are asking us to take a really good look and be honest about what brings us true happiness and what eventually is going to lead us into more stress and suffering,

And so,

Again,

The teachings are really urging us to use our discernment as we go along to remind ourselves that the lesser pleasures really are lesser,

And finally,

The fourth element of our adhatana is peace,

It's peace,

And here,

Another one of the paramis or perfections comes into play,

Which is the parami of patience,

And the idea here is that we try not to get worked up about how much time maybe that we've already spent on the path or how much more time we need to practice in order to reach enlightenment,

If you will.

We also want to make an effort to keep the mind calm,

Which means we try not to get all worked up over all the difficulties that arise as we're going along,

And we also don't get worked up over all the things that we're having to give up in order to get there.

Instead,

We're asked to focus calmly and with great patience on the steps that are just right ahead of us,

Step by step,

And if it's helpful as a way of offering ourselves some compassion,

We might also remember,

Again,

That it's our human tendency to feel disappointment when we just can't have what we want or when we don't want what we have,

And this includes what we want for our practice,

So truly,

It's really okay if we still get angry or afraid or jealous or sad or depressed about things.

We're human,

And because we're human,

We can always bow to these difficult feelings whenever they arise in us in our practice.

In fact,

Instead of looking at these emotions as failures in some way,

We're actually being asked to investigate them because they almost always have so much to teach us.

When I first started practicing about 35 years ago now,

I learned a great prayer that I still use a lot for this,

Which is simply,

May the suffering serve awakening.

May the suffering in some way serve awakening.

Just recently,

At an 80th birthday celebration for the teacher Joseph Goldstein,

He offered us just a great way to practice that prayer that I really love,

Which is,

Quote,

Don't waste your suffering.

Don't waste your suffering.

It's another great sticky note phrase.

I just love it.

Don't waste your suffering,

And both of those affirmations actually are really,

In essence,

Asking us to,

In some way,

Bow to our struggle,

To commit to our bow to ourselves,

Our resolve,

Instead of letting ourselves remain stuck in that sand,

If you will.

Or to quote Pema's teacher again,

We have a choice.

We have a choice.

We can either lie there,

Or we can stand up and keep walking out to sea.

I think I'm going to end there,

And if it's available to you and you'd like to join me for this,

I'm going to offer just a brief meditation on this practice of Aditana.

And so,

If you're at home or somewhere where you can take a seat and find a good posture,

Close the eyes.

You might do that now.

Set everything.

You might be holding down.

Place the hands on the thighs,

And start to pay attention to each breath,

Each inhale and exhale.

You're slowing the mind down on each exhale,

Letting go.

You're driving.

You might also try to see if you can slow the breath down a little,

Connect with the breath,

While also sensing your hands on the wheel,

Your seat on the cushion of the car.

Sense yourself moving through space.

You're walking.

You can also sense yourself moving through space,

Sensing your feet on the earth,

Your body,

Breath,

Really becoming more and more embodied,

Everybody.

Breathing in,

Breathing out.

On each exhale,

Letting go a little more,

Letting the shoulders drop.

Letting the center of the palms be soft and open in a gesture of both receiving and letting go.

And remembering that attitude of receiving and letting go,

You might open that feeling up to the whole body,

Imagining that as a vessel that's not closed.

And we can open it more and more to all our senses,

To life itself,

By trusting our bodies and relaxing,

Letting go a little more,

Maybe even just 5% more.

See if you can let go and open.

Breathing in,

Breathing out.

Noticing the whole area of the face.

See if you can open and soften here.

Forehead smooth.

Eyes soft.

Cheeks melting.

Feet slightly parted so the jaw can relax.

Feel aware of the breath.

You might even let the tummy be soft,

Sensing the breath here maybe,

In the belly.

Maybe also sensing the flow of the rib cage as it expands and contracts.

Front,

Side,

And back.

Noticing the body breathing.

Each exhale letting go a little more.

And as you're ready,

I want to invite you to think about something in your life that you feel a need for more resolve or determination around.

Something you're aiming for.

It doesn't have to be meditation.

It could be something else.

But it could also be your practice.

Just pick one thing.

As you're ready now,

I'm going to invite you to consider some questions about this.

And I want to invite you to do it with kindness and curiosity instead of any kind of judgment.

Remembering we're just really trying to shine a light on our motivation so that we can become more clear about how we're approaching our goals.

You might begin by considering am I being kind or compassionate to myself as I'm reaching for this thing?

Am I being kind and compassionate to myself?

Or am I in any way beating myself up for not meeting my own or other people's expectations in some way?

Really be honest.

No right or wrong.

As you're ready,

You might now consider is this thing that I'm desiring really wholesome?

As in,

Is it really going to lead me or others towards more happiness?

Or is it maybe something I'm craving so that I can in some way feed or prop up my ego or sense of self?

Yeah,

No right or wrong answer.

Just an inquiry.

As you're ready now,

You might also consider what am I really wanting here?

What am I really wanting?

Is it really the thing or is it something else?

Maybe something more intangible.

And finally,

One more question you might consider is am I in any way acting out of fear?

As in,

What do I think might happen if I don't attain or reach this particular goal?

Am I in any way acting out of fear?

Just consider.

And finally,

Just listening to these words from Patrul Rinpoche who tells us,

Each instant,

Put your heart into it again.

Each moment,

Remind yourself again.

Each second,

Check yourself again.

Night and day,

Make your resolve again.

In the morning,

Commit yourself again.

Each meditation session,

Examined mind minutely.

Never be apart from Dhamma.

Not even accidentally,

Continually,

Do not forget.

Do not forget.

Namaste and blessings.