Tips To Get Your Child Meditating (For Parents)

Hello,

And welcome to the first session of Mindfulness Meditation and Calm Breathing for Kids on Insight Timer.

This first session will be geared towards the parents.

Kids are more than welcome to listen in,

But the intent of this one is to give parents a background of mindfulness meditation and calm breathing,

As well as some guidance on how to best facilitate a practice with their children.

So we won't actually be doing any formal meditation or calm breathing,

And the language and tone of voice that I'll be using throughout this first session will be geared towards adults.

So with that said,

Let's jump into it.

The goal of this session will be to help you help your children to meditate,

And to learn how to use calm breathing both as a formal practice and on the go.

So as I said in the introduction to this course,

I'm a parent of two,

And one of the best things that I've given my eldest child is the ability to use calm breathing to help when he hurts himself or when he's a little bit overwhelmed or upset.

It's taken a few years,

But now whenever he's had a little spill or an accident or gets overwhelmed,

I see him initiating on his own some calm breathing.

He sits there and he goes,

Takes him a couple of times,

And then he's instantly calmer.

Sometimes he does it by himself,

And other times I prompt him.

But what I've noticed is that he's far better able to self-regulate and control himself.

So what I want to do is give you that ability.

I want to give you the ability to give your children that ability.

The first thing I want to suggest to you is that if you want to instil anything with your kids,

But in this instance we're talking about meditation and calm breathing,

We want it to be fun,

Not forced.

I'll say that again,

We want it to be fun and not forced.

So what I mean by that is one of the worst things you could do would be to force them to sit down and listen to the meditation practices that we're going to go through for the rest of the course.

That won't be conducive to an ongoing meditation practice.

We want them engaged.

As a high school teacher,

I found that if I didn't engage the class,

My grand lesson plans just went out the window,

Because if the kids didn't care,

They didn't care.

So the first thing you've got to do is get them involved,

Get them engaged,

Get them interested.

I'm going to do that by letting them know why.

One of the things I find that people often mistake with kids is discounting the reasons why.

They discount the need to share with the kid why they should do it for themselves.

There's this sort of view that it's like,

Okay,

You're going to do it because I told you.

The reason why is because your parent,

Your teacher,

Someone above you is saying do it.

And this approach works for some kids,

But not many.

The better approach in my experience is to let them know why.

What do they get from it?

So in the sessions,

I will be regularly highlighting the reasons why to the kids.

But you can start out by highlighting what they will get.

Some of those things will be,

They'll be able to focus better,

Which means they'll play longer.

They'll be more calmer,

Which means they'll get into less arguments,

And thus be able to do what they want to do more.

They'll be able to articulate themselves better.

They'll be able to ask for what they want,

And thus get what they want better.

There'll be less arguments,

Less yelling,

Less stress,

And more time for fun.

Their morning time and night time routines will go far more smoothly.

In a little bit,

I'll talk about what meditation and calm breathing is,

And the ideal practice.

But what I want to suggest to you is that we want to approximate to the goal.

Doing it right will come.

I've got other courses and talks on meditation practices,

Talking about the theory and how to do it,

Quote unquote,

Properly.

But more importantly than doing it properly is doing it at all.

I like to use an exercise analogy.

Any exercise is better than no exercise.

Yes,

You could work with a personal trainer and do it,

Quote unquote,

Properly.

But going for a jog or kicking a ball around or dancing is still a form of exercise,

And you'll still get the benefits.

So the same thing's true for mindfulness and calm breathing.

If your kid is engaging with the content and sitting down,

Enjoying it,

And listening in,

Even if they don't seem like they're meditating,

They're still getting the benefits.

It's still getting in there.

I do a daily meditation with my eldest child,

And sometimes he's sitting down next to me calmly.

Other times,

He's sort of bouncing around and dancing.

Other times,

He's talking back to the guided meditation instructor,

Sort of being a little bit sassy with them.

All of that is fine,

And I encourage it.

Remember,

The goal is to get them engaged,

To get them doing it.

Doing it properly will come,

And over time,

Particularly if you replay the lessons that they like from the course again and again,

They'll get used to it,

And they'll get more engaged with it,

And then you'll find them starting to do it on their own.

Ideally,

You will do the sessions next to them,

And it could be done as a part of a morning time or night time routine.

Some of the lessons with the kids will go into a morning time and night time routine,

But basically,

If you can get yourself meditating with them,

It becomes a thing that you can do together.

They'll look forward to it,

Because kids love spending time with their parents,

Even if it's just something as mundane and quote unquote potentially boring as meditation.

If they're doing it with you,

If they're sitting next to you,

If they look up at you and see you doing it,

And they're talking to you about it,

And they can ask you questions about it,

And sort of have a bit of fun with you,

It becomes super fun.

It becomes super engaging,

And they love it.

The fact that you're doing it with them really helps.

So with that said,

Let's just give you a little bit of a deeper background into mindfulness meditation and calm breathing.

Mindfulness itself is the awareness that comes from purposely paying non-judgmental attention to the present moment.

In simple English,

This means that you're basically judging reality as it is for what it is.

You're not overlaying any assertions,

Judgments,

Preconceived notions.

You're not letting your mental state impact how you're interpreting the world.

You're seeing things as they are for what they are.

You're detached.

It's like your thoughts are over there,

And you're over here.

There's a bit of a space between you and what is happening,

And that space allows you to make better decisions.

It makes you a bit calmer,

A bit more controlled,

And a little bit more you.

Over time and with practice,

You will develop the skill of mindfulness,

And it really is a skill,

And it's a skill like any other skill.

It can be practiced and trained.

Once again,

Returning to the exercise analogy,

There's a little bit of a lag between actions and results.

What I mean by that is if you were to exercise once,

Go to the gym once,

You wouldn't expect to see any immediate results,

But after a week or a month or a few months,

You'd start to notice some changes,

And then eventually the people in your life would notice changes.

The same thing is true for meditation.

One session alone won't make much,

If any,

Noticeable difference for you or for your kids,

But over time,

You will start noticing differences.

Your child will become calmer,

More focused,

And more in control of their emotions.

They'll become more self-aware,

More introspective,

And have an ability to articulate more of what they're after,

And their general levels of resting anxiety,

Worry,

Or fear will reduce.

I've also found a benefit in terms of sleep hygiene.

The second component of this course is the calm breathing.

Calm breathing is great,

And it's kind of underutilized.

If you just take one big slow breath with me right now,

You'll instantly notice how good you feel.

You're going to breathe deeply in through the nose and out through your mouth,

And the breath will go into your belly.

Let's just give it a quick try and just see how we feel.

You ready?

The mind and body are directly connected.

If the mind is calm,

The body is calm.

If the body is calm,

It sends signals to the mind to be calm as well.

Just think about it.

We evolved to manage danger.

If we're in this sort of fight or flight response in our mind,

Our body is preparing us to act,

To do something,

So it's tense.

But if we purposely take steps to control our breathing,

That causes our muscles to relax and that muscle relaxation combined with the slow breathing sets to our mind,

It's like,

Okay,

Even though I'm a bit overwhelmed or a bit stressed or a bit worried or a bit anxious,

Clearly we're fine.

We're fine because my body,

The body,

Is calm.

There's this double feedback loop that happens.

Mindfulness calms the mind and thus the body,

And calm breathing calms the body and thus the mind.

When combined,

These two techniques together are like the gold standard of self-regulation.

In the course,

We'll be doing a combination of calm breathing and mindfulness.

I'll also throw in a little bit of visualization and some basic body movements to keep the kids engaged as well as to teach some of the stuff that we're going to be covering.

This course is really sort of a grab bag introduction to introspection,

Mindfulness meditation,

And calm breathing for kids.

But you will also learn.

You'll learn along with them.

And if you do the course with them,

As I really strongly suggest you do,

You will have a combined language.

The words that I use when speaking to the kids,

When doing the kids' lessons,

Will allow you to help them out during your everyday life.

If you see them after doing this course a few times,

Becoming overwhelmed or physically hurt or just anxious or stressed or just any sort of dysregulation,

You can remind them of a technique.

You might say,

Hey,

Let's do some calm breathing.

Or,

Hey,

What sounds can you hear right now?

Or,

Hey,

Let's grab your meditation toy.

Or,

Hey,

Should we do the walking meditation together?

You will have a grab bag of tools to be able to use with and for your child to help them become calm,

Controlled,

And happy.

So in terms of how often to meditate with your children,

I try and do it every day with my kids.

I do it every day myself.

Ideally,

The best way to introduce a habit into your life is to do it daily and at a particular time.

For some people,

That's the mornings.

Some people,

That's the nights.

And some people,

It's at another time that works for them.

For me,

I like the morning as a sort of getting you ready for the day and at night as a way to calm down from the day.

But like I said,

Buy-in is important.

So if you just instantly say to your child,

Hey,

We're doing this,

It becomes a bit of a chore.

But instead,

If you sort of slowly introduce it and sort of make it work for you,

That will be far more beneficial over the long term.

Once again,

Back to the exercise example.

Basically exercising every day would give you the best results.

But three times a week would be better than nothing.

So with that in mind,

I would strongly suggest that you try and instill it as part of the morning time routine.

Five or ten minutes just to settle yourself,

Refocus,

And get them started.

But don't put the pressure on yourself or on them to quote unquote have to do it.

And once you get into it and start doing the sessions for yourself or even leading the kids through a meditation themselves,

The amount of time is up to you.

Just one minute of calm breathing can give exponential benefits.

Just one minute of calm breathing in the morning and at night can do wonders for settling them.

And the final thing I want to mention to you is that I will be in the classroom every day ready and willing to answer any questions you have,

Troubleshoot any individual issues that you might be facing,

As well as how to help you through any of the questions that you have.

Your child,

Your life,

Your circumstances are all individual to you.

And thus,

Your questions may be unique.

But if you have a question about something that's going on,

I guarantee you another student will as well.

So please ask the question and I'll either give you a text or a voice-based response.

And that way it will help you and it will help everyone else.

So with all that in mind,

Let's get into it.

And the next sessions and the rest of the sessions of this course will be for both you and your child to join in.

And the tone of voice and the pacing and the language that I'm using will be geared towards your child.

Once again,

Welcome to the course and let's get into it.

This talk was taken from the course,

Mindfulness Meditation and Calm Breathing for Kids.