Inner Child Healing: A Journey To Meet Your Younger Self

So welcome everyone So today we are going to explore something that might change the way you understand yourself We are going to talk about your inner child and before you roll your eyes and think oh another woolly concept just stay with me because I am going to show you how this isn't just psychology talk it lives in your body right now and once you see that everything shifts In my own experience I have noticed something fascinating Now when people experience anxiety with relationship patterns that keep repeating with that nagging feeling that something is off but they can't quite put their finger on it very often we end up finding a younger version of ourselves who's been waiting patiently or not so patiently just to be heard and here's the thing that most people don't realize this inner child doesn't just live in your memories or your thoughts they live in your body in the way you hold your shoulders in that knot in your stomach when someone raises their voice in that urge to people please or to disappear or to be perfect all the time that's why today we are going to bring together inner child work and somatic therapy we are going to speak to this younger part of you not just with words but through the body because that's where the real healing happens now let me simplify this a little bit now your inner child is simply the part of you that formed when you were young and it holds all your experiences the good ones and the difficult ones it carries the beliefs you developed about yourself about relationships about the world before you had the language or the cognitive development to question them think about it for a second when you were 3 or 5 or 7 years old you were already forming your understanding of how the world works and you were doing it with a child's brain a brain that couldn't say oh mom's stressed today because she's worried about money it's not about me instead the child's brain may have said mom is angry I must have done something and I need to be better and that belief I need to be better to be loved it didn't stay in childhood it came with you it's been running in the background like an app you forgot to close draining your battery for decades now there is a phrase you might have heard the body keeps the score it's the title of a brilliant book and it's almost become a mantra now in so called trauma informed circles but what does it actually mean?

It means that our experiences specially overwhelming ones don't just get filled away in the memory banks of our brain they get stored in our tissues our muscles our posture our breath patterns and our nervous system responses you might not consciously remember being left at the nursery for the first time screaming as your mother walked away but your body might remember that too it might show up as a tightening in your throat every time someone you love leaves the room a subtle contraction you felt so many times now that you don't even notice it or maybe you grew up in a household with a lot of anger a lot of shouting your little nervous system learnt loud noises mean danger I need to make myself small I need to be not seen and now decades later in situations that are not dangerous at all your shoulders still creep up to your ears you still hold your breath and you still feel that urge to shrink this possibly is your inner child speaking through your body not through words children don't often have the words but through sensation,

Posture and through the language of the body now to be clear I'm only talking from my own personal and professional experience I'm not dismissing any sort of therapy understanding our patterns gaining insight making connections between past and present all of this is truly valuable but you can understand something completely with your mind and still be living with it in your body I know I shouldn't feel this way how many times have you said that?

I know it's irrational I know they are not going to leave me I know I did a good job on the project but but that knowing doesn't change the feeling,

Does it?

Because the feeling isn't coming from your rational adult brain the feeling is coming from a much older,

Deeper place in you it's coming from your body from your nervous system from your subconscious mind from the inner child who learned something about the world before they could even speak so this is why we need to involve the body we need to speak,

Understand and be aware of that younger part in a language that they understand the language of sensation gentle touch regulated co-regulation and safety felt in the moment so how do you do all this?

How do we meet this inner child in the body somatically?

First we learn to notice we become curious observers of our own physical experience when a strong emotion comes up let's say anxiety instead of immediately trying to think your way out of it we pause and we ask where do I feel this in my body?

What is the quality of it?

Is it tight?

Hot?

Cold?

Or shaky?

Then we get curious about the age of this sensation now this might sound strange but bear with me sometimes when we really drop into a bodily experience there is a sense that it's not coming from our adult self it feels younger more raw and more vulnerable if that's the right word our clients say things like this fear in my belly it feels like it belongs to a 5 year old or when I feel this smallness in my chest I feel like I'm about 7 so they are connecting with the part of themselves that first encoded this response and once we have made contact we don't try to fix or change anything immediately we simply offer our presence we offer what the younger part might not have received at the time which is attention acknowledgement and compassion and here's the beautiful thing when we offer this kind of attuned attention to a part of ourselves that's been waiting sometimes for decades something begins to shift the body starts to relax the nervous system begins to settle and the inner child feels seen now this brings us to a concept I work with a lot reparenting now before you think great more blame for my parents so this is not about that most of our parents did the best they could with what they had so this is not about blame it's about completion because here's the reality no parent is perfect no childhood is without its gaps every one of us to some degree has unmet needs from our early years things we needed and we didn't get consistent presence validation of our emotions unconditional acceptance and safety to express ourselves but the good news is we can provide these things for ourselves now we can become the good parent to our own inner child we can learn to offer ourselves the nurturing,

The protection the unconditional positive regard that we needed and when we do this somatically when we actually place a hand on our heart while feeling vulnerable when we wrap our arms around ourselves when we speak kindly to that part inside we are not just thinking about reparenting we are actually embodying it we are giving the inner child a felt sense of being cared for and that's what changes the nervous system so before we move into our guided exploration let me share some common signs that your inner child might be influencing your adult life often without you realizing it the most common one people pleasing and difficulty saying no so this often comes from a child who learned that their value depended on keeping others happy on not being too much or too difficult then we have perfectionism and harsh self-criticism this is often rooted in a child who felt they had to earn love through achievement or who was criticized frequently then we have disproportionate reactions when something relatively small triggers a huge emotional response it's often because it's touched an old wound the adult situation has activated a child's pain and reflect on this in your own journeys something relatively small triggers a huge emotional response do I experience that?

Then we have the fear of abandonment or rejection the child who feared being left behind who felt there's no stability in the house who felt they might lose love at any moment that can show up as clingy behavior jealousy constantly seeking reassurance in adult relationships fears which are not rooted in any sort of reality then we also have difficulty receiving love or compliments they don't really mean it if they really knew me now all this can stem from a child who didn't really truly feel seen or valued and if any of these sound familiar to you you're not alone you're not broken you're just carrying some old programming that no longer serves you and let's start the process of updating them today now in a moment I'm going to guide you through a journey we're going to use the body as a doorway to meet this anger part of ourselves a few things to know before we begin this can bring up emotion and that's not only okay it's often a sign that something meaningful is happening if tears come,

Let them come if anger comes,

Notice it if nothing comes,

That's fine too there's no right or wrong way to do this you are in control throughout if anything feels too much,

You can just stop ground yourself in the room so now find a comfortable position sit up,

Lie down eyes open,

Eyes closed whatever allows you to be open,

Receptive and relaxed find that for yourself now give yourself the gift of full attention now let's begin just take a moment now to arrive here with me you've been moving through your day through your week,

Through your life and now just for a few minutes you can just be here here with your body,

Present notice the support beneath you the ground the chair the bed the car seat,

Wherever feel how you're being held so you don't have to hold yourself up right now you can let something else take the weight and just take three slow breaths with me now breathing in and out letting go of anything that you've been carrying and again breathing in and out feeling a little bit of softening and one more breath in and more softening now just bring your attention to your body and start wherever feels natural perhaps your feet your hands and your belly just notice what's there without trying to change anything is there tension softness warmth coolness places that feel alive and places that feel numb now as you scan through your body now I want you to notice if there's anywhere that feels like it might be holding something some parts that feel heavy tight or somehow significant right now it might be your chest your throat your stomach or your shoulders don't force it just notice where your attention is drawn right now and when you find that place gently rest your attention there like you'd place your hand on a friend's shoulder just be with it now get curious about this sensation what is its quality is it sharp or dull is it moving or still does it have a color a texture or a temperature you don't have to figure it out just be present with it the way you'd be present with a child who's upset you don't need to fix anything you're just here witnessing acknowledging and now very gently ask yourself how old does this sensation feel if this part of your body could speak if this feeling had an age,

What might it be don't dismiss anything don't think too hard don't look or wait for an answer it might come as a number,

An image,

A sense or even this feels young this feels like a child that's fine too whatever comes is right for you remember that now I'd like you to imagine in whatever feels natural that you can see this younger version of yourself for some of you,

You might see them clearly for some of you,

It might be more just a felt sense however they appear to you is perfect just notice this child which may be an image,

A sensation,

A warmth,

A feeling,

A number,

A color or just a knowing in your body what do they seem to be feeling and notice how they're holding their body are their shoulders hunched are they making themselves small are they turned away or looking at you with hope,

Suspicion or need let your adult self look at this child with compassion this is you this is a part of you that has been carrying something perhaps for a very long time now I'd like you to approach this child gently at whatever pace feels safe for you you might kneel down so you're at their level or sit nearby give them space if they need it move closer if they want you near now silently or out loud we'll let them know you're here you might say something like I see you I am here now you are not alone anymore I see you I am here now you are not alone anymore notice how the child responds notice how your body responds do they soften do they move closer do they stay guarded whatever their response it makes sense they might need time to trust now ask them gently what do you need what did you need back then that you didn't get what did you need what did you need back then that you didn't get and now listen not with your thinking mind but with your heart and with your body just listen what are they showing you maybe they needed to be held maybe they needed to hear that they were enough maybe they needed someone to say it wasn't your fault maybe they just needed someone to stay now in your physical body I invite you to offer yourself what this child needed if they needed to be held you might wrap your arms around yourself now crossing them over your chest or maybe placing your hands on your body where it feels most soothing if they needed a gentle touch place one hand on your heart one on your belly feel the warmth of your palms if they needed to hear something say it to yourself now you are loved you are safe you are enough exactly as you are you are loved you are safe you are enough exactly as you are you are loved you are safe you are enough exactly as you are feel these words landing in your body not just in your mind let them sink into the cells,

The tissues that have been holding this for so long and now notice what happens emotion,

Relief or resistance whatever is here welcome it now before we close this journey I'd like you to make a promise to this younger part of yourself look at them first this child who has waited so long to be seen and let them know I won't abandon you again I won't forget that you are here when you need me,

I'll listen I'll check in with you I'll take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of I won't abandon you again I won't forget your hair when you need me,

I will listen I'll check in with you I'll take care of you the way you deserved to be taken care of and now feel the weight of this promise feel it in your body this is a commitment to yourself to your own healing to the relationship you're building with the most vulnerable parts of who you are and now if it feels right in your own way imagine taking this child's hand holding them simply letting them know that they can rest now that you've got this that you're strong enough to carry them protect them and love them now gently let the image of your inner child begin to soften and if you were just having an experience in your body just start to come back to yourself the inner child is not going anywhere they live within you they're always accessible bring your awareness back to your body now if your hands are on your body now feel the contact the comfort of your own touch now take three grounding breaths bring your awareness back to the space around you notice the sensations the feeling of the ground beneath you if you want you can wiggle your fingers,

Wiggle your toes maybe a gentle stretch and if your eyes were closed you can open them now so welcome back and thank you for being here thank you for being brave enough to meet that younger part of yourself what you've just done it's not small it is the beginning of a relationship that can transform your life you might feel tender after this you might feel emotional or peaceful or nothing at all your system is processing in its own way in its own time and in the coming days I would encourage you to just check in with your inner child when you notice a strong emotion just pause and ask where is this coming from?

How old does this feel?

And when you're being hard on yourself imagine what you'd say to a child in that situation would you speak to them in a way that you speak to yourself?

So this work is not done in any single meditation it's a practice,

A relationship and a homecoming so take good care of yourself and that little younger part inside of you they've been waiting a long time for you to show up and today you did so thank you very much for joining me and namaste