Boosting Self Esteem

Divine souls welcome,

Welcome,

Welcome to this discussion on boosting your self-esteem.

This is quite a popular topic at the moment and I really,

Really,

Really want to speak to it.

So today I'm going to be discussing what self-esteem actually is,

How it affects us,

Our well-being,

Our mental health,

How it can sometimes create,

If we lack self-esteem and lack confidence,

How this can affect us and our limiting beliefs.

So let's start with the definition of self-esteem.

Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself,

How you view yourself.

So this can,

Yes,

Be formed by many different things outside of ourselves and it's likely that we compare ourselves to others.

Maybe growing up,

You know,

We weren't very confident or we weren't really shown or taught how to really love ourselves.

And in my personal opinion,

In order to boost and create confidence or generate high self-esteem,

It takes a level of self-love,

A level of self-care.

So I want to speak into what shapes our self-esteem and knowing that this is now how we view ourselves and I want to go into what creates the way we view ourselves.

So again,

A lot of the time we look outside of ourselves and we see how other women,

How other people,

Other humans do things and we start to conjure up these stories or these patterns of belief where we feel less than.

And because we don't have potentially something that we desire,

We feel less than,

And it's continuously coming from this place of lack.

So this can create quite you know,

Major limitations.

And when we're creating beliefs that limit us,

This really keeps us where we feel limited.

So a lot of self-esteem,

Or when we lack self-esteem,

This is because this is directly attached to our self-worth.

So it takes for us to get really clear on what has shaped the way in which we view ourselves.

So this may be things that have come from other people,

Or I'll use an example for me growing up.

You know,

My mum had a very low self-esteem,

So she would always say really horrible things about her body or really horrible things about herself,

Which taught me that that's how we view ourselves.

And then,

You know,

She would also be really unkind to other people,

And that was then forming projections in order to fulfill what she was lacking within herself.

And you know,

It's often that we'll say things to ourselves that are really quite horrible,

Things that we wouldn't really even dream of saying to other people.

And I just invite you,

That's something that you can start to really become aware of.

Like,

You know,

If you're looking at your body,

For example,

In the mirror,

And you're like picking apart your beautiful body,

And you're saying horrible things to yourself,

You know,

Like it might be like,

I'm fat,

Or my tummy is super chunky,

Or I have cellulite and I hate that,

Or you know,

Whatever it is for you.

And this is very surface level stuff,

But this is really quite important as well,

To be aware and have conscious awareness around how we are speaking to ourselves and asking ourselves,

Would I go up to somebody that had a similar body type to me and say these horrible things to them?

It's likely that you wouldn't.

So therefore,

Why are we having these conversations with ourselves?

Why are we looking at ourselves and inflicting such hurt and such pain when we wouldn't even dream of having conversations like that or saying these comments to other people?

So that's something to be mindful of.

And you can really journal on this too,

Like this is a great way of becoming clearer on what has shaped your self-esteem or your lack of confidence.

And often as well,

There's a stigma around having a high self-esteem,

Like often these people are seen like,

You know,

They've got their head up their bum or,

You know,

They're really full of themselves.

But it's a level of confidence that a lot of people don't actually have.

Therefore,

They struggle to voice their needs,

Their desires and their boundaries.

So when we can create a healthy self-esteem or a healthy relationship with our self-worth and really cultivate higher levels of self-worth and self-love and self-connection,

That is going to help boost our self-esteem,

Which allows us to then be better fully expressed unapologetically ourselves and really just allow ourselves to voice our needs,

Voice our boundaries and voice our desires without feeling guilty about it or without feeling like we're going to upset anybody else.

Yeah,

Being selfish isn't actually a bad thing,

You know,

And the more we give to ourselves,

That creates more capacity for us to be able to be able to give to other people.

So having a low self-esteem affects our mental health.

It's likely to increase anxiety and depression and stress and whether or not you know this,

But stress is the leading cause of illness and disease.

Stress is at the root of a lot of illness and disease.

When it comes to,

Yeah,

Us creating these illnesses and these sicknesses that manifest in our body.

So a few little tips or tools I could give you in managing your stresses and your anxiousness.

I apologize,

My phone's going off.

Yeah,

Some tips that I can give you in regards to that is to breathe often and well and really try your best to activate the parasympathetic side of your nervous system.

So for a lot of us,

And I'll touch on this briefly,

But a lot of us in this modern world are living in a fight-flight-freeze response and our nervous systems just aren't coping with our daily stresses.

And so again,

There's a sense of urgency in society that tells us we need to be here when we're somewhere else,

You know,

We need to be further along than what we actually are.

And that has us constantly kind of chasing our tail or having us being stuck in this hamster wheel kind of emotion that we just can't get ahead,

Or we at least feel like we can't.

And I love Jay Shetty's quote actually.

He says,

Be where your feet are.

And for a lot of us,

That's a practice in and of itself,

Is just allowing ourselves to be exactly where we are,

Trusting and knowing that exactly where we are in this moment is perfect.

And so coming back to these modern stresses,

And you know,

Our bodies don't know the difference.

When we have a heightened,

Quite activated nervous system,

Especially when it's in the fight-flight-freeze response of the symptomatic side of the nervous system,

It is our body really thinking that it's trying to outrun a lion,

You know,

That was essentially what it was,

You know,

Designed for.

And so just because we're stuck in traffic or we're stressed trying to get the kids out the door,

Or we're running late to work,

And you know,

Someone cut us off in traffic,

Or we get all the red lights on the way,

It's little things that build up over time,

And then everything is just prolonged stress that we're dealing with.

And so we want to try our best to come back to the parasympathetic side where our body can restore and rejuvenate and repair itself,

Which it's not really happening for a lot of us.

So this is why we are,

You know,

Our population is heavily anxious,

You know,

We have severe depression and states of like extreme chronic stress.

So the best way that you can manage these things is to breathe.

And I know that sounds crazy,

That might sound crazy,

But our breath is free.

Our breath is our life force energy.

The breath is the very thing that stays with us from when we're born until we leave this planet.

So to just gently connect with yourself and check in with yourself regularly all throughout the day.

And it can be as simple as taking three deep nourishing breaths,

Or just breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth,

Or in through the nose and out through the nose,

Because breathing in and out of the nose is optimal for our health and that's going to activate the rest and digest system often and more regularly,

Which is where we would rather be,

My friends,

Trust me.

So just doing three to five breaths,

Or you can breathe like this for three to five minutes.

You know,

If you're at work and you're feeling stressed,

If you just take yourself into the bathroom or the lunchroom or wherever feels comfy for you to be able to just take a few deep breaths and really come back to your center and really manage that stress,

It's going to.

.

.

What it starts to do as well in this,

We'll get back to self-esteem in a minute,

But it gives you more capacity.

Therefore,

You feel like you have more space to hold these stresses and these stresses don't even become that stressful anymore.

So the things that irritate you now will create stress in your body,

Like the traffic,

Getting stuck in traffic,

Or someone cutting you off and making you rage or whatever it may be.

These things become less likely to tick,

Give you the ticks,

You know,

Like you're less likely to feel stressed when these things happen to you and it kind of just runs off your shoulder like water.

So yeah,

That's my biggest and best tip and tool for managing your stress,

Depression,

Anxiety,

If this is something that you suffer with on a daily basis is just to simply come back to the breath.

And as many of you probably already do because you use this app,

Right?

Yeah,

So the other thing that is going to assist us in boosting our self-esteem is tapping into the little versions of us,

Because it's likely that the little versions of us,

You know,

Is pretty much the reason why we perceive the world the way that we do and why we view things the way that we do.

Because when we were little,

We were absorbing all this information from our external environment and it really kind of programmed us to view the world the type of way,

You know,

And for a lot of us it could have been that we lived in quite a threatening environment.

So that does things to your self-esteem,

You know,

You're constantly in this fierce state,

You're constantly worrying and stressed and heightened and you become hypervigilant so then that is how you respond to every single situation throughout your life.

So it's really coming back to these inner child practices and getting really clear on,

Okay,

What created this limiting belief for me?

Is this limiting belief even mine?

Was it something that I was taught and picked up along the way?

Because the beautiful thing about the subconscious mind is we have the power through the breath as well to access and rewrite these stories and these beliefs that are potentially really holding us back in our adult life.

So getting really clear on where we pick these things up from,

Really unlearning and then relearning or,

You know,

Rewiring our brain,

So to speak,

In our neurological pathways in order to create a new story for ourselves,

Create new beliefs for ourselves so that we are able to be more confident,

We're able to attract the things that we want to attract in our life,

We're able to pave our own path essentially.

So yeah,

It's definitely a releasing and a rewiring for sure.

Another thing is really removing the pressure of yourself.

So if you are someone,

And I full transparency will share this,

I have a really critical inner critic.

So this little inner critic of mine is quite critical and yours might be the same.

So the inner critic has us believing,

And this is where it comes up,

We kind of pop into these intrusive thoughts,

You know,

Even if we're doing really well in terms of our mental health and we feel stable and,

You know,

There's this level of safety surrounding us,

It can really pop in at the times where we feel like,

Oh,

Okay,

This is going to throw me off course,

And it's likely that it does from time to time.

So learning how to remove these pressures from ourselves that we a lot of the time put on ourselves,

Again,

Coming back to that comparison piece and seeing other people,

Especially in the world of social media,

Seeing where other people are at,

You know,

Maybe people have a,

Like,

I'm just speaking materialistically here because that's how the world has taught us to view things,

Right?

But this is just an example.

You know,

Maybe this person is married already,

Maybe this person has kids and that's something that you really want.

Maybe this person you're comparing yourself to has a really successful business and that's what you want.

Maybe,

You know,

They drive a nicer car than you,

Like,

Whatever it is,

You know,

Maybe they have a beautiful partner and everything kind of looks fine and dandy,

You know,

The way you're perceiving it,

But we don't know the ins and outs of what happens behind the scenes,

Right?

So we are comparing ourselves to things that are essentially an illusion,

Okay?

And I'm not saying that not everything that you see on social media isn't real because of course we all share our wins and that's exciting and I know a lot of people that I follow are very transparent in what they share and their ups and downs and everything in between and I myself try my best to really do that so that people know,

Like,

You're not alone in this.

But I think in terms of,

Yeah,

Removing these pressures,

That's going to help boost our self-esteem.

Also,

Another thing is,

Like,

Maybe when you were younger or through,

You know,

Your adult life,

All you've done is trying people please,

So,

You know,

That kind of sets ourselves up for failure and not that failure is a bad thing,

But I think it leaves us very depleted when we're constantly trying to please everybody outside of ourselves and we kind of forget that we need to please us too.

So,

You know,

Not feeling confident enough to speak your truth and use your voice can really,

Really have an impact on your self-esteem,

So that's another thing.

And potentially as well,

People have made comments that have,

You know,

Put you down in the past and so that's packed a punch to your self-esteem as well because as we know,

Coming back to the beliefs,

If you hear something many times over,

You're going to start to believe it,

Right?

That's how it works.

So for me,

You know,

I had trouble leaning into my fully expressed self because I was told for so many years by people around me that I was just dramatic and,

You know,

I just wanted attention and whatever it may have been.

So I,

Like,

Started to dilute these parts of myself and kind of lacked the confidence and I was scared of what people would think of me and that really had an impact on my self-esteem.

And it may be the same for you.

So again,

It's coming back to the beliefs and letting go of,

Removing the pressure,

But letting go of what is not ours and what somebody else has said to us and just really going,

You know what,

That's not mine.

I choose to put that down.

I don't want to carry this forward anymore.

I'm going to rewrite a belief that is better suited for me and that is going to help me boost my confidence,

Boost my self-esteem and boost ultimately your self-worth as well.

Because how you feel about yourself is,

You're going to ripple into every aspect of your life.

It's going to ripple into your relationships.

If you're a parent,

It'll ripple into the way that you parent your friendships,

The kinds of people that you have surrounding you,

Your job.

Yeah,

The way you care for yourself,

Like literally everything.

And I also encourage you to really find out what is attached to your self-worth.

Do you attach material pieces to your self-worth?

Do you believe truly that you're only worthy if you have X,

Y,

Z,

The relationship,

The car,

The house,

The money,

The business?

Because that is also going to have you feeling a type of way in terms of your self-worth,

But also your self-esteem.

So these are just things that I'm bringing to you to really ask yourself and be mindful of.

And I just want to leave you with a few journal prompts before we close out this little chat.

And I just want to thank you for being here with me.

So something I invite you to journal on is,

What is something that has shattered your self-esteem,

Your self-confidence,

Or made you view yourself with less value?

Okay.

Another question that I invite you to sit with is,

Do you feel confident in all aspects of your life?

So do you feel confident speaking your truth?

Do you feel confident in your body?

Do you feel confident in whatever way,

Shape,

Or form you view yourself?

And that's my final piece for you,

Is how do you currently view yourself?

What things do you say to yourself?

How do you view yourself when you look in the mirror?

Can you genuinely stand in front of the mirror and look yourself in the face and the eyes deep in your soul and say,

I love you,

You are worthy,

I love you,

You are worthy,

I love you,

You are worthy?

And really just feel that truthfully and honestly.

So just to wrap up,

Those are some questions I invite you to sit with.

And it's always just an invitation.

There's absolutely no pressure to go there if you don't feel comfortable or ready to go there.

But just know that you are worthy.

Know that you are totally capable of anything that you freaking want in this life.

Know that you have the complete and utter power to create your own reality and really boost your self-esteem.

Really feel confident in voicing your truth and expressing yourself in the ways that you really desire to.

Not because society tells you you have to dress this way or impress this way.

What is authentic to you and how can you really lean into that?

Even if it feels uncomfortable,

It may feel messy,

It may feel icky in your body at first,

But I just invite you to start to tap into the things that are aligned for you.

And yeah,

That's it.

Thank you so much for coming along and listening.

And I hope and I would love to hear if this was beneficial for you.

Leave me some comments below.

I'd love to be in discussion further if you feel like opening the conversation about your self-esteem and even if you want to share your answers to one of the questions that I've asked you.

So yeah,

Sending so much love and I intend to create more content like this around topics like this too.

So yeah,

Big,

Big love and thank you again for being here.