Exploring Difficulty

Exploring difficult thoughts or feelings.

As we start,

Just notice the support you're getting from whatever you're sitting or lying on and just paying special attention to the sensations of support.

If you're sitting,

Notice how your feet are making contact with the floor,

How your buttocks are supported by the chair or cushion,

How your arms and hands are resting.

And if you're lying down,

Notice how you're supported by the floor or bed,

How your upper body,

Arms,

Legs and feet are making contact with the floor,

Whether sitting or lying down,

Allowing your weight to sink through these points of contact wherever possible.

And letting any tension drain down into the support and beyond.

As you're sitting or lying here,

Letting any thoughts or images go.

Just feeling supported by what's beneath you.

When you're ready,

Notice the breath,

Actually feeling the breath through the movement of your belly or chest or shoulders.

Noticing how the whole body expands a little on the in-breath and then relaxes a little on the out-breath and just letting your breath be your breath,

Knowing that you're breathing just fine.

In a moment,

We'll turn our attention to something that's troubling you,

Something that's not the way you want it to be.

And until you've had experience with this process,

It's best to choose something that's not huge,

Something that has not enough charge,

That you have a definite reaction to it.

So not the biggest thing in your life.

You could start with a loss or setback or something you just don't like about yourself or someone else,

Physical or a medical issue.

Or it could be just a chore or task you are dreading and taking your time.

Letting yourself get a sense of what you choose to work on and just pick one of these.

There's no wrong choice.

Whatever you choose is going to be right for this meditation.

Once you've found a situation or issue,

See if it's possible to get curious about this difficulty,

Dropping the natural tendency to move away from it,

But paying attention to it in a special way with kindness and gentleness,

The way you might if it was a loved one that was experiencing this issue.

And see if you can identify the feeling in this situation.

Was that anger,

Fear,

Sadness,

Impatience,

Confusion?

What would you call it?

And if,

For example,

It was anger rather than saying,

I am angry or I am frustrated,

Say something,

See how it feels to say,

I'm noticing this inside me.

It feels angry or afraid.

I'm noticing something in me that has this feeling.

And just see how it feels to say it in this way.

And this feeling gives you more room to move and you won't identify with it as much.

This way you're not labeling yourself as angry or fearful.

You're merely aware that you're having those feelings right now.

And as you say this,

Something in me is annoyed or angry.

Whichever best describes this feeling,

Using your own words,

Seeing if you can notice where there might be a physical reaction to this.

It could be a tightening in the shoulders or chest,

Tightness or queasiness in the stomach,

Pressure or tension of some sort,

Achiness,

Constriction,

Tension in the throat,

Heat in the face or tightness in the jaw.

And just seeing where it affects you physically.

And just begin to notice it.

And if you can't find a specific place,

That's fine.

It could just be a general sense of unease you feel all over or a tensing or readiness of the arms as if you're about to protect yourself or someone else.

Or even a feeling in your legs as if you're getting ready to run.

And if you can,

Just allowing what you notice to just be there,

Simply acknowledging it,

Letting your awareness gently rest there,

Allowing it to be just the way it is without demanding it to be any different.

If it's possible for you,

Seeing if you can soften your reaction to the difficulty to this situation with gentle breaths,

Seeing if you can be with it in the same way you'd be with a child or pet whom you love and who is in distress.

If this were the case,

What would you do?

Tenderness,

Gentleness,

You wouldn't demand that your loved one respond differently than they are right now.

And if you like,

You might even place your hand on part of the body where you're feeling it physically and meeting this experience with kindness and recognizing that this would be difficult or painful or challenging for anyone,

Holding it and yourself gently with compassion.

And taking your time with this,

There's no rush.

And this is just softening and allowing,

Softening your reaction to the feeling that you're having and allowing that reaction to be there,

Allowing the feeling to be there,

All the while knowing that allowing it to be there doesn't mean that you like it.

It's simply an acknowledgement that this is how you're feeling right now.

And as you do this,

You may feel sensations of feelings coming and going and noticing.

And if you pay close attention to that,

There may be movement change from moment to moment,

Perhaps tightening or loosening.

You may notice heat or waves of energy,

Images or impressions emerging.

And through all this,

Seeing if you can bring a sense of kindness,

Curiosity and compassion to your exploration.

And just spending enough time here to make contact with what you're noticing and feeling,

But not so much that you become overwhelmed.

And now without trying to push the difficult feeling or issue away,

Just take a moment and see if you can find somewhere else in your life where things are generally okay,

Or perhaps even good.

Something or someone you're grateful for.

It could have to do with a loved one or a pet,

Past or present,

A good friend,

Maybe an achievement,

A hobby or a sport that gives you pleasure and satisfaction,

Or a quality or strength that you have and you're rightfully proud of.

It could even be something as simple as recalling a smile or a kind word someone has given you recently or in the past.

There may be several things or people or qualities that you're grateful for that come to mind.

And just letting them flow into your awareness and feeling the sense of gratitude and warmth and noticing where in your body you feel this most vividly.

Maybe feeling of warmth in your heart or a safe,

Secure feeling in your belly or a softness around your eyes.

If there is a physical feeling associated with this,

Pay attention to it.

If there's a person involved,

Imagine them being there with you right now,

Perhaps that's across from you.

And if you find yourself being drawn back into what's troubling you,

Don't fight it,

But allow yourself to become soft and your breaths to be soft and breathing into this area of your life with gentleness and kindness until you're ready and able to gently bring your awareness back to what you're grateful for.

It's the good things or people in your life.

And you can even let the breath be in both these areas,

Pleasant and the difficult and just feeling the rhythm of your breath and the soft breath and breathing into both areas with gentleness and kindness.

And as you do this,

You may notice that things feel differently than they did before.

They actually feel more fluid and dynamic and they're not solid or fixed.

When you're ready,

See if you can broaden your awareness like panning out with a wide angle lens,

Including both the difficulty and what you're grateful for.

So wide that there's enough space and room for both of them without pushing away the difficult or clinging to the present,

Shifting into an even wider,

More inclusive perspective that includes both the pleasant and unpleasant,

Including the entire body and all of its sensations.

And when you're ready,

Expanding even wider still to include in your awareness,

The room or area where you're sat lying down.

You might notice that by widening your awareness,

There's a sense of space,

Freedom and a capacity for change and movement.

And just keep noticing the space around you,

Feeling the space above you,

Behind you,

At the sides of you.

And if it's not too much of a stretch,

Seeing if you can expand your awareness to include the building or setting that you're in right now,

And perhaps even wider into your neighbourhood,

Your town,

Or even further into the region of your country.

The difficulty you began with may not have changed itself,

But it's now part of something bigger.

And as your awareness expands even further to include the entire world,

If that's possible for you,

Recognising that at this very moment,

There are others who are experiencing the same kind of pain or discomfort as you have been.

And in this way,

You're not alone.

There are billions of people included.

And it's certainly true that some of them are experiencing the same sort of pain and difficulty you are,

With the same or perhaps even more intensity.

The pains,

The fears,

The worries are not yours to bear alone.

They are in fact shared by others.

There are others feeling the very same thing literally at the same time as you.

And just know you're not alone.

And if it's possible to do this,

You might see if you can imagine your awareness expanding even further,

And perhaps seeing the Earth from space.

And then when you're ready,

Letting your awareness gradually return to your part of the world,

To you,

Your body,

How you're feeling right now,

Feeling and sensing how it is to be in your body right here,

Right now,

Coming back to just you.

But with the awareness still wide enough to hold both the difficulties and pleasures of your body and your life.

And seeing if you can bring gentleness and kindness to whatever you're feeling right now,

Holding yourself with compassion and understanding.

And spending the next few moments resting deep in the body and in the breath and allowing any discomfort or unease to be soothed by the rhythm of the breath again and again.

And as we need to start re-engaging yourself with the world around you,

Start to pay attention to sounds that are going on around you,

The feeling of your body on the surface that you lay on.

When you're ready,

Give your arms and legs a stretch and open your eyes.