Awakening: Torah Mussar Mindfulness, Vayeshev, 9th Sitting

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Okay.

Welcome.

You are joining the Institute for Holiness,

Kehilat Musar,

During our awakening Torah Musar mindfulness,

Our program that we offer weekly at 3 p.

M.

Or 1500 Eastern Standard Time,

Located on the Eastern seaboard of the United States and Canada and elsewhere down in South America.

We are delighted that you have taken the time to join us.

I am Rabbi Hasir Oriel Steinbauer,

The founder and director of Mahola Kedushah Kehilat Musar,

The Institute for Holiness,

The Musar community.

We engage in Musar mindfulness practice and learning,

And in particular we look at the weekly Torah portion of the Hebrew Bible that we have the custom as Jews to study the Torah.

It's broken up in different parshiot sections,

Portions over the year,

And this week we are,

Just had read on Shabbat and had studied and prepared for for Zayeshiv,

And we study it together as a community,

Now coming together on Sunday,

The day after giving you the opportunity to study this and to listen to it be laying and read on Shabbat.

So I am grateful that you've taken the time to strengthen your practice,

To learn with us and from us to be here together as community.

It is key to our learning and to take refuge together.

Before we begin our learning,

We always begin with our kavanah,

Our intention for today's learning and practice.

I am going to share screen with you.

For those of you joining us through audio after the effect,

This is located on our website during the weekly blog at www.

Kehilatmusar.

Com and as I said we are live on zoom right now on Facebook,

Twitter,

LinkedIn and YouTube.

Before us is the kavanah.

I'm going to share just the first and the third.

That is what I want us to kind of hold and cover today as we do every week.

So before doing acts of caring for the self,

Which we are doing right now,

A radical act of self-care to spend this at least half hour together learning and practicing and God willing growing together,

We say the following.

This is something I am doing to strengthen my own soul in order to be of benefit to others in the future.

So allow that to sink in.

And then we move to the final one as this is also an act that we're doing to strengthen our relationship with God with the divine.

This is something that I am doing to strengthen my relationship with the creator so that I can be a better conduit of God's good to others when they need me.

Our practice has a purpose as I always like to say that we Jews have a mission statement in this world based on Rabbi Shimon Shkopf's work and Shaarei Yosher where he says that our job is to bring God's good to others.

But even more than that,

That it should be our foundational impulse of when we first arrive in the morning,

When we get out of bed,

When we wake up,

When we're saying our thank you God for returning my soul to me,

That our first desire shall be that we bring benefit to others.

And if we think about framing all of our learning and practice around that,

Think of all the harm and suffering we would relieve through our behavior,

That we would put ourselves in alignment with Torah,

With the Dharma,

To be the best versions of ourselves.

And that is what we set to do today.

We begin with Vayishv.

Now I had prefaced earlier that in the previous parasha when Avraham is called the Akedat Yitzchak,

When he's about to slaughter his son,

Based on being commanded by God,

That it was going to be a very difficult session for us.

It would be one that would try us,

That would perhaps trigger states of either delusion or aversion,

Of wanting things to be different than what they were.

And so that we have to practice a lot of self-compassion.

I'm going to repeat that here.

This is a tough parasha.

This is for me one of the,

If not the,

It is the lowest point in my people's,

My ancestors,

Our ancestors' behavior.

And we'll shortly learn if you haven't studied the parasha.

So I want to extend that this is,

Let's hold each other,

Let's hold ourselves in compassion as we move through this.

And be aware of the breath,

Be aware of the felt sense of the body as we learn this.

We're here together,

We're moving forward.

Yaakov,

Who we had just intimately looked at his teshuva and grove last week,

Finally settles in Hebron with his 12 sons and I'm sure many daughters,

At least Dina.

And unfortunately,

He favors one of the sons,

Yosef,

Who is 17 years old at the time.

And the other brothers' response,

Their reaction is one of jealousy.

The father loves the child more,

Yaakov loves Yosef more.

Not only does he love him more,

He gives him a gift,

They call the katonet basim,

This beautiful,

Beautiful gift.

And the father kind of gown coat that causes,

Again,

A reaction.

The brothers who choose in their lack of mindfulness and lack of skills to react extremely strongly,

Even more jealousy to the point where we're told that they can't say a kind word to their 17-year-old brother Yosef.

Yosef does a number of acts,

I'm sure,

Without necessarily being told that the father wants these behaviors,

One being bringing bad reports about the other brother's behavior.

He's actually even sent out by his father to bring a report on the brothers.

And then he has these dreams.

And in order to understand dreams in this culture back then,

They're seen as divine,

They're seen as prophecy,

As a gift.

So on one hand,

While we might have this clinging and anger that Yosef seems immature or arrogant or self-centered,

That he tells these dreams.

On one hand,

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt of what else was he supposed to do given the cultural context.

If we're going to understand a parshah based on social location,

This is seen as prophecy,

As a divine gift.

Of course he's going to share what his dreams are and what's happening.

But we'll notice soon that some of the commentators,

Particularly modern commentators,

Are really disturbed by what they see as his arrogant,

Selfish behavior.

And I just want to comment that just like with Yaakov,

When he was 15,

How he behaved with Asav,

And even how if we have critique for Asav based behavior in the past,

When he was 15,

We have a 17 year old here.

Let's keep that in mind and offer less judgment,

More compassion.

So the father,

The father really favoring Yosef,

Right?

That's the beginning of this that I want to relate.

So we have some very strong modern commentary.

We start with,

Of course,

Eli Wiesel,

Who expresses great frustration at Yaakov's,

What he sees as poor parenting.

And I quote here,

Surely,

Jacob was the real culprit.

He must have been a bad father,

A poor teacher.

What an idea to favor one child,

Give him more gifts,

More attention,

More love.

Did he not know that such behavior would eventually harm the boy he actually wanted to protect?

So we see,

We see in this modern commentator and even others,

Very strong,

And perhaps even clinging,

Strong reaction to Yaakov's behavior of wanting it to be different than what it was.

We might feel that arise in us too and did when we started studying this parasha,

This weekly Torah portion.

And then I go on with Naomi Rosenblatt.

He should have known better.

You mean Yaakov.

As a victim of his own father's favoritism,

Let's remember Yitzhak favored him.

Why?

No,

Actually,

It's not Yitzhak,

Excuse me,

I'm mixing up sons.

It's his Ima,

Okay?

Ima.

Rivka favors Yaakov,

Very much so.

We don't,

We're not told why,

But she favors him.

And it says that he should have known better.

As a victim of his own father's favorism,

His father favored his older twin,

Esau.

We're told because he provided good game,

Fed him well,

Essentially.

It says,

Yaakov would be expected to be more sensitive to his son's feelings.

He,

Better than anyone,

Should understand the destructiveness of loving his sons unequally.

We can only assume,

Like many recent widowers,

Yaakov is too absorbed in his own grief to notice.

So she's trying to bring at least some compassion here that he just lost,

Yaakov just lost his favored wife,

The wife that he loves more than the other wives in front of everyone,

That he'd lost her while she was giving birth to the final son,

Benyamin.

And so listen,

I just want to say,

This is Yaakov,

Who we know is like a one step forward,

Two steps back.

And while he does to shuvah and grows,

This is someone who favored a wife in front of everybody,

In front of her own sister.

He loved her more,

Even God knew it.

Are we really going to expect him not to love another son above the other sons?

I just want us to put this into context that it doesn't surprise me as much as this behavior because he's not skilled in this set.

He's not mindful.

This is where we're seeing this behavior.

And it does pain us.

It pains us to the fact because we know that these brothers who end up being violent,

They're not going to be able to be I just want us to put this into context that it doesn't surprise me as much as this behavior because he's not skilled in this set.

He's not mindful.

This is where we're seeing this behavior.

And it does pain us.

It pains us to the fact because we know that these brothers who end up being violent towards Yosef are really angry at their father and his behavior.

They're angry at Yacov,

But they can't say that.

They can't speak that out.

The patriarch is like in a sense like God in some sense in the household and they cannot speak it,

Share it,

Show it.

So you have this sense like this family trauma being perpetuated,

Being like stuffed,

Not really being able to work through what needs to be communicated.

So little gets communicated verbally,

As we've seen from last last parasha.

So what happens as we continue on our learning?

The brothers develop a great hatred,

Passionate,

Full of fire hatred towards Yosef,

The kind that consumes,

The kind that blinds,

The kind that leads to delusion and greed.

And we know when we are full of hatred,

Greed and delusion,

As the dharma teaches us,

It will only lead to harm and suffering.

And that is what we witness here.

Great,

Great harm and suffering that will lead to intergenerational trauma and problems,

Starting with a family unit.

And it just didn't start here.

We know this,

We know this back with Avraham and Yitzhak and then Yitzhak with his two sons with Esav and Yaakov and now Yaakov perpetuating this lack of awareness,

This lack of mindfulness,

This lack of wise,

Rightful,

Upright decision making and behavior.

So what happens?

Yosef is sent out by his father to go bring a report on the brothers.

He heads off 17 years old,

Heads 50 miles north.

These children,

We think about Yaakov,

Who was 15,

Who traveled from Beersheva up to Haran.

That is an enormous amount of travel for a young,

A child,

A child,

A teenager.

And now we have this other teenager,

17 year old who's going 50 miles to find his brothers to gather a report.

And when they see him,

That greed,

That delusion,

That hatred,

That anger,

That fire takes over,

They allow it to take over.

Nine of them,

One of them doesn't.

It's Reuven,

The eldest,

Lea's firstborn son.

So right when they see him,

The other nine plot to kill him,

To murder him.

Reuven hears this and suggests that they instead throw him in a pit,

Thereby the text teaching us and telling us that he plans to return to retrieve Yosef.

Yosef is put in this pit.

Now just to give you a concept here,

This isn't just like a small hole.

Okay,

Let's be realistic about this.

Let me tell you about this.

Okay,

So we were taught here that they cast him into a pit.

This is chapter 37,

Pasuk 24,

Verse 24.

Whenever the word cast,

Hashalcha,

Is used,

It is meant to describe to a depth of at least 20 cubits.

That is to a depth that in halakhic terms,

In Jewish law terms,

Is beyond eye view.

Yosef therefore becomes invisible when he is thrown into the boar,

Into the pit.

In the fullest sense,

He is forgotten by the world.

He's forgotten by his brothers who want to forgive him,

Forget him.

They want him to be erased,

To be gone.

They think that will relieve them of their own unhealthy midot,

Unbalanced midot,

Soul traits,

Their unhealthy unwise states.

So let's just be realistic here that they had planned to put him in this pit,

That he would just die from exposure,

From a lack of food and water.

What's so horrific about this,

We're not even getting to the most horrific part yet,

Is that one only has to bear in mind,

Oh by the way that last quote was from Aviva Zornberg and her work,

The Beginning of Desire.

So here we have that one only has to bear in mind that the lack of a proper burial for Yosef was considered to be the supreme dishonor.

In order to imagine something of the frenzied intensity of the brother's hatred for Yosef,

They've decided to go absolutely against their tradition,

What they consider most honorable,

And not offer him a proper burial.

They're going to just leave him to disappear,

To die in the boron.

Okay,

What happens next is what is the most horrific segment of this is that they sit down to eat a meal.

Now Reuven is not there,

We imagine it's the nine other brothers,

But let me just tell you the the the the privity of this act is that they're going to be the the the privity of this act.

We were well aware that when someone gets stripped,

They're stripping them,

They're trying to strip them of who they are,

And that's what they did to Yosef,

Throwing him in the pit,

Stripped him of his katonet passim,

That beautiful coat that his Abba,

His father,

Gave him.

And to sit down and eat is beyond,

It's the lowest point of the Torah,

The saddest line in the whole Torah,

But absolute low point.

So you know,

I have nothing more to say about it other than that I recognize the pain that that carries.

I recognize that we carry that we carry this knowledge in this story,

That our ancestors behave this way.

And we're very sensitive to it today that when we see if people are stripped and humiliated and treated with shame and a lack of proper honor of the burial of others who may eat or do joyful acts while someone is suffering.

We bear witness to that as Jews,

As we do today,

Because of that intergenerational trauma,

Because of this beginning of our ancestors,

This story.

So there's obviously so much more to say about this.

And I will share more in the written blog later this week that you can see more of my thoughts on this partial because it is so large and has so much to say.

But I want us to be aware when we're studying this,

What triggers us what comes up for us?

Is it the the favoring of a child?

And is it wishing that Yaakov is his behavior was different that he didn't favor one child or the other that he knew better because of his own personal experience with this?

You know,

Is it the is it?

Where is it the felt sense in the body of this continuation of familial suffering,

The threatened violence of one brother or more attempting to or threatening to or planning to murder the other brother?

And so I just want to to allow us to really begin to recognize and allow what is arising for us right here in the present moment as we study these words and get into what is really the source of the harm and suffering and and the harm and suffering and what we could learn from this.

I will say that there is some growth in Yosef from the 17 year old later in the parshah that you can read in the blog later on that really shows that he he's able to do some form of internal to shuva of finally recognizing and gaining emotional intelligence and recognizing what's on the face of others and if and when he should he should share.

So we're going to hold all this in mind as we work through this greed,

Hatred and delusion and we're going to sit with it.

We're going to move into our sitting practice now.

So again,

I always start off that if you're someone who lives with chronic pain or any discomfort,

Feel free to lie down with eyes open so you remain awake and alert.

You may stand with your body next to a chair to hold you to ground you and for those of us either in a sitting meditation cushion like a zafu or in a chair if you are in a chair ground your feet.

I want you to feel the earth holding you at any time if you feel that this is too much for you pull yourself out bring yourself to the present moment open your eyes be feel free to look at what's around you to center to arrive to settle.

So we begin by sitting in an upright alert position not stiff comfortable you may allow your hands to rest on your lap or in the middle or if you're really feeling that you need some love and compassion right now like I do great chesed and grace we need loving kindness and khan grace from God right now to hold us and carry us through this.

Shut your eyes if you feel safe or lower your gaze and we begin with three deep cleansings breath in breath awareness out breath release in breath I am awake out breath compassion allow your breath to settle no need to force or control it so we use our breath generally as an anchor what does it mean to use the breath as an anchor it means that it is what holds you to the present moment it's what carries you you have to remember the breath the nishama is a gift from God tied to the nishama the soul they share the same source the same root so for some of us it's too difficult to use the breath as an anchor perhaps it's due to asthma or some other trauma perhaps illness survivors of covid if that is the case you may use another anchor could be sensations in your body whatever arises could be sounds that you hear the anchor is to keep you in the present moment if you can keep your attention on that anchor and i say if because that is the practice of mindfulness meditation of insight meditation of a passana that our thoughts and emotions are the same that our thoughts will move sometimes called monkey brain right we might be fantasizing of something in the future thinking about obsessing about something in the past the minute we awaken to that travel with our thoughts we bring ourselves back to the present moment we bring ourselves back to our anchor from time to time i will go silent to allow moments of reflection you may trust that i will come back again with my voice and guidance so as you recall this parasha and everything that comes with it everything it brings notice what arises for you in your body what is the felt sense and if you are experiencing strong emotions pleasant or unpleasant or neutral notice the felt sense of those emotions in the body perhaps it's the feeling of tears that want to explode behind your closed eyelids perhaps it is the tightness of your throat perhaps it is the tightness of your throat the deep bore of the pit in your stomach as you attempt to hold the osif immature unwise 17 17 notice what is here for us right here and right now did you notice that there was any clinging or aversion to your encounter with your ancestors did you want things to be different than what they were was there any challenge in accepting things as they were accepting them by this point it feels much larger much larger than the just a father to his son of that patriarchal paternal violence and harm and suffering that we receive that we inherit as our tradition and we've now moved from that kind of singular relationship to that of a group a brood a whole set of brothers together nine nine and it feels communal it feels that we carry their sin their impurity their lack of mindfulness their greed their hate the delusion we bear the burden of this as we inherit our ancestors and this intergenerational trauma passed down and we begin to move into the present moment and we begin to move into nurturing and non-identification what would it mean for us here right now in our vad and our sangha and our community to forgive to carry this to heal to move towards wholeness over time and if you feel that this is larger than you you are quite right it is it is we'll bow our heads and honor god and our practice honor our ancestors honor our own practice of compassion to practice this savlanut this patience in the mussar tradition of bearing the burden that we may carry each other that we may carry each other that may all beings be safe may we be safe may all beings be free from harm may we be free from harm we move into silent meditation and i will ring the bells when it's time to go up to come up to join us in between heaven and earth as we will reunite together on this virtual practice this plane together is united all over the world right now our practice is one of compassion of rachmi compassion of rachmi so so so so so so so you may place your hand wherever you need nurturing on your body right now if you notice any pain or tension unpleasant sensation in the body honor it put your loving gentle hand there notice if there's been a shift for you from when we started this practice to right now is there an opening a release breathing in love breathing out acceptance we move into two more minutes of silence so so when you are ready gently and slowly open your eyes to join us thank you for your practice thank you for committing to your kavanah your intention to do this self-care to strengthen your relationship with yourself and with the divine so that we and you can be of service to others bringing god's good tonight is the first night of which means dedication rededication and if you have been feeling weak or tired as we enter into these days of more and more darkness and generally the cold at least in the northern hemisphere excuse me for all you who are in the south and have a different experience but that shift really affects sometimes our practice and so this is our opportunity our he's done right now to rededicate commit to our vad our sangha our community taking refuge in god and the dharma and the buddha for us to be together to practice and learn to apply such a meaningful uh foundational text the torah in our souls and on our ancestors and our tradition for us to really study this and to look what can i learn from this how can i grow so i thank you i thank you also for your donations this is a freewheel offering on the behalf of the institute and for us to continue to offer these we rely on your truma on your dana and your donations so please give especially during this holiday season you may give by being in touch with us at kehilaatmusar gmail.

Com you may give at paypal to jacio orielle at gmail.

Com i am rabbi hasu oriel steinbauer you may give an insight timer just be in touch with us or visit us on our website if this teachings are and these teachings are important to you find them on our website if this teachings are and these teachings are important to you foundational to your life and practice show it by committing and by giving we accept sponsorships in memory and honor of someone you may reach out for that also so again thank you for joining today to study ishiv together to commit to our practice i thank you and i look forward to seeing you and being with you next week next week bizraat hashem and we'll still be in khanukkah which is quite a blessing sending you all peace shalom shalom shalom good night