Resourcing All Parts Of Our Self In A Difficult Time

So right now I invite you just to be with your breath,

However your breath is right now.

You know,

Just kind of turn your focus inward a bit,

Whether it's with your eyes closed or looking downward or looking at something that's just pleasant or neutral for you.

And just bring some curiosity to how is your breath right now.

No need to change it.

And maybe you observe this morning or this week a little bit of a fight or flight breath.

Maybe some longer inhales and abbreviated exhales.

And that's okay.

That breath is a breath of readiness,

Preparedness,

In case we need to take action.

Or maybe you notice you're holding your breath a little bit,

A little bit of a freeze breath that we do sometimes when we think we need to be ready for action,

But there's nothing yet to do or it's not safe to do it now.

And again,

If you are noticing just a little bit of stilted or holding breath,

Just welcome it.

It's your nervous system telling you what it thinks you need.

Or maybe you have some form of relaxed breath.

You may be in a resource place this morning or it might be a little bit of a shut down collapsed breath with kind of slow breathing and longer exhales,

But maybe in a way that has you feeling not energized quite enough.

And that's welcome too.

There's a wisdom in that kind of breath of helping us to slow down when we need to,

Helping us to conserve energy.

So however your breath is right now,

However it's been this week,

Welcome it,

Thank it for doing what it understands to be its very best to support you.

And yet sometimes our breath goes on old habits or based on something we project in the future as opposed to what might be most adaptive right this moment.

And so I'm going to welcome us to transition into a kind of breath that supports what Deb Dana and Steve Porges talk about as a ventral vagal state,

A state of feeling beyond even being able to rest and digest,

A feeling open,

Safe and connected.

And I'll bring us into that breath pattern first by helping us kind of let go of any tension that might be here and also to get on the same rhythm of exhales and inhales.

So let me tell you first what we're going to do.

We're going to do three communal big sighs followed by a breath pattern that is always going to have double the length of an exhale as inhale.

We'll start first with breathing in for one and out for two.

And we'll breathe in for two and out for four,

In for three,

Out for six,

In for four,

Out for eight,

And then we'll do the reverse.

Again if you need to adapt for you,

Feel free.

Okay so let's together take an in-breath and then let it go.

Maybe even shake it out if you like.

Another in-breath and a long communal sigh.

Letting go of anything you need.

One more in-breath together and let it go.

Big sigh.

Now breathe in for one and exhale one,

Two.

Inhale one,

Two and let it go.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Breathing in two,

Three,

Four,

Or three.

Let it go one,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

And in two,

Three,

Four,

Release two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Working back in two,

Three,

Out two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

And in one,

Two,

Let it go two,

Three,

Four,

In and out one,

Two.

Beautiful.

And I'm going to invite you now to ground.

Feel the ground beneath you.

Might be a chair for many of you.

Some might be on your bed or on the floor or standing.

But wherever you are,

Feel your feet make contact with what's beneath you.

Maybe even pressing down a little bit so you can really feel what's supporting you under your feet.

And then come to feel what is supporting you behind your legs or under your hips.

Sensing into the chair or surface holding you now.

Knowing somewhere beneath this floor or surface is Mother Earth,

Whose only job right now is to be here to hold us all.

And sense into support behind your back.

Maybe even leaning back in your chair if you like.

Or feeling also some support for your head or neck.

Whole body grounded.

And I'm going to invite you from this place,

Maybe just to observe if anything's shifted inside in these few minutes together.

Just with curiosity and compassion,

Seeing if there's any more sense of relaxation or peace in your body,

In your mind,

In your emotions.

And I invite you next,

We're going to begin to imagine some safe places or retreats for parts of ourself.

I know many of you this week may be reconfiguring your homes or private offices to make new kinds of workspace,

To make space for family to be,

For kids to do their learning and grownups to do their work.

And we can do together a similar exercise in imagination here with unlimited resources and space to help parts of ourselves each have some comfort,

Something just for them that they need.

It's okay sometimes if parts of ourselves,

And we all have parts of ourselves,

You know,

Richard Schwartz,

Janina Fisher,

Philosophers through all time,

Tell us that we are not singular selves.

Human beings are way more complex than that.

And it's okay sometimes if parts of self need some space to themselves,

Need some space away from triggering each other.

And it's okay if we need a little space from them too,

So that we can be in our wise self.

Now Janina Fisher tells us that the end goal,

The ideal of treatment is to have our wise self be able to wrap their arms around all parts of us.

And that is just a beautiful,

Beautiful vision and experience.

And yet sometimes we're not quite there.

And it's okay to be on the path to being there,

Where it's a practice that we'll sometimes achieve and sometimes have to return to.

And for today I'm going to invite you to provide a resource for all parts in giving them each their own safe space.

So let come to mind,

It might be a building,

It might be a nature sanctuary,

You'll know.

And it can completely be a made up place,

Or it might be some place you've known for real,

That has enough room for all parts of you.

Just begin to see this space take shape,

And knowing it can have separate spaces if needed for different parts.

Some parts of you may want to be together and that's okay too.

And just kind of take in the colors or dimensions,

The kind of inner scenery of this safe place with room for all.

And today we might not complete the design of this retreat space,

But we'll plant seeds for it.

And I'll invite you first to bring your curiosity and awareness to what you might think of as a fight part,

Or an angry part,

Or a social justice seeking part.

Just observing how that part might have been for you here this week or today.

Whether you're resentful about changes,

Losses,

Or about inequities and disparate impacts.

Just sense how that part of you might live in your body,

Your emotions,

Your thought patterns.

And honor this part of you for holding your ability to advocate,

To strive.

And begin to sense into what would be just the perfect retreat space for this part of you.

What would they have in their room or space?

Do they need exercise equipment or a punching bag to get all that adrenaline and pent up energy out?

Do they need somewhere to write or express in music or journaling their feelings or advocacy?

Or maybe a place to rest and set it down for a while.

Just sense into exactly what that part of you needs.

And let it take shape.

See and hear or smell if you offer them a maybe a scent of lavender or maybe they want an energizing peppermint.

I don't know.

And just feel them come to be in this place.

Just getting oriented to it.

Feeling what they need.

And then let this part of you know that you care,

That you honor what they're trying to do,

How they're trying to help.

At least you have a hint of that.

Offer them a departure greeting of some kind while reassuring them you'll be back.

It might be a hug,

Might be a wave,

A high five.

And then let them be in that space to continue to explore it.

And maybe take a deep breath yourself to let it go.

As you turn your curiosity to what we might think of as a flight part,

Perhaps a fearful part.

Men who may be seeking escape or avoidance might want to just run away from it all.

And let them know you have just the retreat for them when they need to escape at all.

Let them see their room or space.

Honor this part of you for helping you to stay away from the places you're supposed to stay away from right now.

Honor this part of you for helping you to find escapist pleasures,

Momentary mental or emotional breaks.

And invite them to fill this space with the kind of healthy,

Comforting,

Affirming things they need.

You know,

Maybe posters of other places or great set of books or movies.

Whatever they need,

You'll know your wisest self will know what's just right.

Especially as you open your heart to let this fearful or flight part in,

You know what they need.

And again,

Let it begin to take shape,

To take form.

Sense what can begin to happen in their body and emotion as you say,

We've got the perfect escapist retreat for you.

It'll be safe and comforting.

And let it know you'll look forward to seeing that take more and more shape for them.

That you care for them,

You'll be back.

But there's another part,

Another perhaps one of their siblings or roommates as Janina Fisher says,

Who needs your attention now.

Take a deep breath.

Let it go.

As you bring your awareness to a freeze part.

A part of you who might be holding two competing urges or instincts at once.

Maybe one to fight or flee and another that says,

Ah,

It's not the right time to move.

Like a deer in the headlights or a bunny who can go in a frozen state.

In this state of kind of having one foot metaphorically on the gas and one on the brakes.

Oh,

It's just,

It's a very,

Very discomforting feeling inside.

Yet we want to honor this part of us for staying ready.

Staying ready but wise.

For being courageous enough to hold two competing impulses.

While we offer it a place to take a break.

Noticing becoming curious what it might need.

What kind of comfort does it need in its safe space?

Perhaps it needs most of all to know that your wise self is better equipped to decide when it's time to act and when it's time to be still.

And that it's not alone in figuring this out.

Janina Fisher and Richard Schwartz remind us that most of our parts of self are younger.

Most of them are children.

So let them know there is a grownup inside you who will help make those decisions.

And they can perhaps rest for a bit.

Knowing just what they need.

Maybe ways to release their energy and ways to relax.

Let this part know that you care,

That you will return,

That you are available if they need you.

And yet right now you are going to check on two more parts.

Then we take a breath in.

And an exhale to let it go.

And we're going to check next on creating a retreat for a part of you that might be overwhelmed.

That might be shut down.

That might be carrying some hopelessness.

It might just be curled up in a ball.

Totally wanting to crawl under the covers.

And we want to let this part know we really appreciate their ability to conserve energy.

They are a part that is really going to teach us how to slow down and hang out at home.

And yet we also want to offer this part some resource so it doesn't feel quite so shut down.

Because that state of being shut down feels uncomfortably slow.

And may carry shame as well as hopelessness.

So for this part,

Maybe in their retreat they want some signs of inspiration.

Maybe some inspirational posters.

Some cute YouTube videos of animals doing silly things to remind us it's going to be okay.

Maybe they want a little uplifting music or a nice view out the window.

Just sense into what this part of you needs to be in a resting state yet not shut down.

Perhaps offer just a little bit of hope to them in whatever form that takes.

And reassurance that there's no judgment wherever they are right now.

Make sense.

We'll try to resource it but no judgment.

And see if you can feel this part of you just getting a little more energy or hope on board.

Let it know how much you care even if you're still working on developing more of that care and acceptance.

Let it know you'll be back as we check on one more of their siblings,

One more part.

So take a breath in and let it go.

And now we're going to check on what may be one of your youngest parts.

A sad,

A lonely part,

An attachment part.

Who might be missing?

Family or friends or colleagues.

Who might be worried about when they're going to see them next or be with them or if they'll be okay.

This part might even hold some panic.

And we want to honor this part for holding your love.

Holding your ability both to reach for help and to offer help.

And let's begin to fill its retreat space with comfort and connection.

Soft animals,

Pets,

Photos of loved ones,

Soft blankets,

Pillows,

Whatever you sense your attached part needs.

And in imagination they can even have other people with them.

In imagination we can have anything we want or need.

We might want a spiritual presence with them.

Let them feel that presence.

They are not alone.

Maybe they can feel a little bit of also the presence of your wise self and have that represented in this room.

Let them take in whatever they need.

Create,

Design,

Decorate this space.

It's perfect to let a young one know they have comfort and support.

This one might need a hug as you go but you'll know what yours needs.

You can wave a handshake.

Reassurance you'll be back and you won't be far.

And something for them to do.

And then another deep breath.

And we'll let it go.

Perhaps all parts of yourself now,

A little more resourced than they were before.

It's okay if they're still feeling some activation but let them sense the resources that are there.

And as they settle,

Perhaps just even a little bit more than when we started,

Come back to you now.

Come back to your wise self who you perhaps can sense a little more easily as you've offered parts resources.

Our wise self is that part of us who can observe all the others and over time come to hold them all.

It is reassuring to know that our wise self is always here,

Always present.

We all have one.

Richard Miller tells us no matter what we've been through,

It is always here.

And perhaps you can feel it a little more now.

And as you come maybe more into your body,

More into your wise self,

You can just invite your awareness back here together a little bit.

Perhaps by introducing gentle movements in your fingers and toes,

Turning your neck side to side if you like,

Maybe releasing your shoulders,

Introducing a little bit of movement in your body.

That's right.

Feeling again the chair or bed or floor underneath you that's supporting you.

Yeah.

And let's together take some movement.

Maybe stretching your arms overhead.

You are welcome to keep your eyes closed or open them and reorient to the space.

Twisting a little side to side,

Mostly trusting your own intuitive movement.

Just making those movements,

If you like,

A little bit bigger to bring some energy back into your body,

To come back to the room where you are now.

And also back into awareness of the others joining you here on this video conference.

You are coming into some space now for you,

For learning,

For resourcing,

For receiving,

For being together.

And if you're ready to open your eyes,

We're going to do just a little more resourcing together to invite that ventral vagal,

Slightly energized,

Open,

Connected,

Safe communal space.

As you let your eyes open and take in your screen,

I'm going to invite us all to offer each other jazz hands.

A greeting.

A greeting as we wave our hands,

Perhaps we smile to see each other there.

Hello colleagues,

Hello friends.

We welcome you.

We feel the energy in our body.

It is so good to be together.

And just really enjoy how your energy and your emotion perhaps shift.

We'll bring our hands to heart center for a second.

And as we finish Friday refresh practices,

One of the things we do is we have three communal ohms together.

And I'm going to invite just a slightly different shift of how we'll do that today because when we're in this open and safe connected state,

Our social engagement system comes on.

So that involves a lot of information between our heart and our face and all these little nerves in our face that help us to communicate with other people,

Particularly to communicate warmth with them.

So our eyes can do that.

Our lips can do that.

And so I'm going to invite you.

So I'll show you what it'll look like first.

On our inhale,

We are going to describe it,

Then show you,

Then we'll do it together three times.

So describe it on your inhale.

You're going to soften to serene eyes.

You're going to lift the corners of your mouth.

And on your exhale,

You're going to own and feel the vibration in your chest.

And if you like,

You can bring your hands to your chest to feel it.

Okay,

So now I'll show you.

On inhale.

Om.

Now together,

Inhale,

Serene eyes.

Smile.

Om.

And inhale,

Soft welcoming eyes.

A smile.

Om.

And once more.

Inhale.

Soft eyes,

Smile,

Warm heart.

Om.

Lovely.

And just be here in presence.

In our Friday Refresh class,

Another ritual we have at the end is that we invite people to see if there's a word or a phrase that might anchor any helpful experience from this practice together.

So see if there is a word or a phrase for you that comes to mind.

And if you'd like,

Just type it out in your chat so that we can all see.

Internal clarity.

Connected.

Open nature.

Connection.

Peace among all.

Calmness.

Beauty.

Aware.

Healing.

Settled.

Presence.

Peace.

Purpose.

Balance.

Groundedness.

Community.

Stillness.

Lovely.

Wholeness.

Thank you for being here.

In therapist refresh,

We always end by wishing you good healing.

And finally I will also – I honor that light in each of you and all of us that is the same.

Namaste.