What Would You Do If You Were Not Afraid 1/3 (Live Rec.)

Hello my friends.

Welcome to this day 263 out of 365 days.

It is a dark morning.

Hello Sophie,

Maria,

Brittany,

Gideon,

Maureen,

Christy,

Linda and everybody else.

Hope that you guys are doing well.

We're gonna go into a mindfulness practice as always,

Almost always,

Right?

And then I have a good question for all of us to reflect on,

To ponder,

But more importantly to do something about,

More importantly to set some action behind.

So wonderful to be with you guys once again.

And yeah,

Let's do it.

But some water first.

So just having the silence invite you into a consciousness about your body,

Your emotions,

Your thoughts,

Everything that creates your existence.

So letting the silence be a silence without any words inside of you,

Without any stories or labels or dear comments from either one or the other part of you.

Just really arriving right now in this body of yours,

In these emotions of yours,

In the thoughts.

Maybe there's some itching,

Maybe there's some pain,

Some happiness,

Some release.

Just give yourself some space from all the thoughts or worries or plans or whatnot.

Go into a straight,

Strong,

Proud back.

Sometimes it works to move your body from side to side.

It also helps to look up into the sky and stretch that neck and just create that straight,

Strong,

Proud back without overdoing it,

Without stretching too much.

It still needs to be comfortable.

And your chin just tucked a bit down.

Relaxed shoulders.

Calm,

Soft,

Easy in-breath.

Relaxed eyes.

Really,

Really relaxed eyes as much as you can.

If you're new to meditation or maybe also if you're not new but not really having used your eyes as a center of attention,

You will notice that your eyelids might be vibrating,

Might be difficult to relax them.

So that will be a point of focus for your practice,

Right?

Really to get your eyelids,

Your eyes,

Everything around the eye to relax.

Relaxing your face as well,

Your jaw.

And if possible,

Placing your hands,

Palms facing upwards on your thighs or folding them.

But having your hands in the best way possible in order to not use any energy.

Relaxing your arms as well.

Practice non-labeling,

Non-storytelling.

Let your tongue relax as well.

Inside of your mouth,

Just let it rest in the bottom of your mouth.

With the tip of the tongue pressed towards the teeth.

Not pressed,

But just in its natural state be lying and you're feeling it towards your teeth.

Let's take in six deep in-breaths together.

So deep means breathing down all the way to the bottom of your lungs or as I've said recently,

Breathe into your feet.

Like all the way down to the bottom of your feet.

And then also breathing all the way to the top of your lungs,

To the top of your head.

So let's do the first one.

And long slow out-breath.

And do it in your own pace.

I'll just be saying second and third and fourth and so on.

But just do it in your own pace.

Second one.

Third one.

Fourth one.

Fifth one.

And the last one.

Sixth one.

Relax your mind.

Relax your thoughts,

Emotions,

Sensations.

Relax your eyes,

Your face,

Your jaw,

Your tongue,

The shoulders,

The arms.

Maintaining the straight strong proud back.

And now also adding the open soft vulnerable front.

Whether we know it or not,

Vulnerability is a direct source to strength.

A direct door to strength.

It is when we become willing to feel everything and become willing to share everything and become willing to do everything that we become free.

Let me repeat that once again.

This goes out to myself as well.

It is when we become willing to feel everything.

It is when we become willing to share everything.

It is when we become willing to do anything or everything needed to realize our happiness and our place in life that we become free.

So let's use these words to transition into the reflecting part.

So this is a question that I want you to ask yourself right now.

You're very welcome to share in the comment.

But if you share in the comment field,

Also just notice that it's not a just a mind thing.

That it's the body and the heart answering.

And that sharing also means that you are taking a step towards doing something today.

So the question is,

And this is a question you ask yourself inside of yourself.

What would I do today if I was not afraid?

So just let that sink in before you start answering,

Asking yourself that question.

What would I do today if I was not afraid?

Just give yourself time.

Give the question time.

Repeat it inside of yourself.

And the question is to be asked with love,

With patience,

With understanding.

And it's also to be received as such and answered as such.

What would I do today if I was not afraid?

And when different answers start coming up,

Also see the images.

Just feel it in your body.

Feel it as if you're already doing it.

Just keeping it inside of yourself.

What would I do today if I was not afraid?

What am I going to do today without fear?

Or despite me being afraid?

So you can just let this simmer.

Just let this move around in your body.

And if you feel like,

Well,

I'm doing everything that I want to.

There's nothing that I'm afraid of doing.

It's wonderful.

Just wonderful.

There's always something that we're afraid of.

We all have our darlings.

Darlings are the ones,

The habits,

The behaviors that we prefer because we have so much experience with it.

Even being really down and depressed or whatever.

Often in therapy with clients and in my own process through life,

I've discovered that it's not the fear and the pain and all of that that is,

You know,

The biggest challenge.

The biggest challenge is actually to dare to be willing to lose or to live or really express joy and happiness and completely radiate.

It's very interesting.

So just notice what happens inside of you.

So before we finish off for today,

Let me just see Brittany sharing.

I find myself in a hard time with this one because money has been a big stressor for me and I live in fear to do the problems with it.

I want to let go of fear and not having it.

But if I did,

I have.

But if I did have it,

I would have such fears.

I wouldn't have other fears.

If I had it,

That's it.

That is it.

Okay,

I'm getting it.

So just tapping into it.

You know,

When we look at what stresses us humans,

In the top three is a financial stress together with spiders and public speaking and moving and losing a dear one.

So it's a natural state that when we are in,

You know,

When we are in financial trouble,

It stresses us and there's fear.

So if you remember the line,

You're either below the line or above the line.

Below the line,

You're caught in the past,

Shallow breathing,

Anxiety,

Wanting to blame or place responsibility on something or somebody else.

It's all about the drama.

We go into either victim,

Being victimized by our own thoughts and emotions.

This is where fear comes in.

We are victimized by our own body and our own mind,

Our own thoughts and emotions.

Or we can become victims by something from the outside world,

Other people,

So on and so forth.

Or we go into the villain.

This is where we become villains towards ourselves,

Being the inner critic,

Being,

You know,

Hard on ourselves,

Talking down to ourselves,

Expressing emotions and thoughts or whatever that makes us feel even worse down in the victim role.

Or we start villainizing other people,

Telling other people that they are wrong,

That they are the ones to blame,

That they are,

You know,

The ones that should,

You know,

Get it,

Get it,

You know,

Do things differently or whatever.

Or we go into the hero,

Where we start heroing ourselves with,

You know,

Sugar or work or alcohol or whatever might,

In a short term,

Release some stress.

Or we start heroing or pleasing other people because then we feel that short term,

Somebody likes me because I'm doing this and that.

I'm always,

You know,

The happy,

Smiley one,

The pleasing one.

So that's below the line.

And it's not right to be below,

Or sorry,

Wrong to be below the line and right to be above the line.

But it's very important that we notice whether we are below or above the line.

We will always experience fear and pain throughout our life.

It's inevitable.

It's part of life,

Right?

We cannot not have fear or pain in our lives.

But what we can use this line to is to just become conscious about where am I?

Because the next thing is then to look at how can I start moving above the line from the victim to the creator,

Above the line.

So I become a creator of circumstances instead of a victim of circumstances.

I'm not saying that this is easy.

So this is with all respect for what you're sharing,

Brittany,

Or whatever anybody else might be fighting with.

But this is one of my preferred ways to look at my own life and find out how am I victimizing myself?

What are the stories?

What am I telling myself?

Which words am I using?

How am I creating this emotional,

Mental existence for myself,

The reality?

And how can I move from the victim to the creator?

How can I start creating other things?

How can I manifest my own daily meditation by sitting down with a bunch of people from all over the world for 365 days so I get my own medicine every day?

So becoming a creator of circumstances.

The villain inside of us that starts telling us you can't do it,

You don't have the skills,

You're not intelligent enough,

You can't create your own business,

You know,

How are you ever going to do that?

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

You know that one,

Right?

That one,

Transforming that.

And this again,

It's not easy,

But nothing is easy to start with,

Right?

That's why we're doing these 365 days and we're going to continue,

Right?

So the inner villain,

The inner critic,

The inner part of us that keeps on,

You know,

Having this voice,

This is our stuff.

It's not us being victimized from a third person.

We need to accept that this is me.

I am creating this.

So that one,

Transforming that into a challenger.

That's why I'm so focused on challenging myself on X amount of days.

Because it works.

It works when I choose to do it.

And it works even better if I don't tell anybody about it to start with,

Because then I don't get that social instant gratification experience.

But slowly when I've gotten my pace going,

Then start sharing,

But sharing to get some more people on just like we're doing here.

So moving from the inner villain to the inner challenger that will push myself and push others,

Knowing that we have what it takes,

Which means that in the hero side where my usual default will be to start eating or pleasing,

That moves into a coach,

A support where I start out reaching out for help so I can learn the skills that I need in order to be able to do all of these things that I want to do.

But it's also a part of me that starts supporting myself.

That's when we do the inner work with the inner child.

That's where we become good enough fathers and mothers for ourselves.

We stop digressing to a 6 to 8 to 12 year old emotional state.

And we start maturing and developing into taking responsibility for this and dealing with it with a more mature approach.

I'm not talking in bad or good.

It's always incredibly important to stay connected with a low emotional age because that's where all the vitality and creativity is.

So I hope that this is useful for you guys.

Without fear,

I could reach out to family I disconnected from years ago.

I would definitely tap into that one.

I would do a family meditation if I were you when you went to sit down and you know,

One by one,

Breathing into your heart,

Exhaling from your heart towards their heart in your meditation.

That is reaching out as well,

Depending on what kind of reality you you accept in this life of yours.

So putting them in front of you until the whole family's all around you and you sit afterwards out in the circle with them.

That's a way of you preparing your nervous system,

Preparing your stories,

Everything inside of you,

To meet them in person or to grab the phone or to text or to send a postcard.

The family constellation part is such an important factor.

We all think,

Not all of us,

Most of us think that this is all about me and my problems,

My challenges.

No,

We are part of one family structure and that family structure is a part of an even bigger family structure.

So we need to start with our inner one and then work with the outer one.

On a personal note,

I mean,

Throughout the past two,

Three years,

I think that I've shared on different occasions,

My family relationships.

So I'm taking my own medicine and it's working.

It's working to a degree where my family members are and have changed so much.

You know,

And I strongly believe that we need to be the driving force and the driving energy behind any change that we want to have inside of us and outside of us.

Patience,

Dedication,

Discipline,

Continuing the 365 days every year.

I hope that it makes sense,

All of it.

So Brittany is saying,

So focus on solutions.

What can I do to get out of my situation?

That would be a beautiful start because it means that you are taking responsibility of your situation and not putting the responsibility on somebody else for you being in that situation.

Again,

I know that this is not necessarily easy,

But we need to look at what changes us.

And that is the daily repetition of something that makes us become more resilient,

Stronger,

More vulnerable.

And why vulnerable?

How would that be a strength?

Well,

I just noticed or mentioned that vulnerability is one of our biggest strengths because it points directly to what is painful.

And within that pain is a lot of release and a lot of understanding and a lot of power.

Not in the power sense,

But in power in the source of energy.

So anything that has some kind of fear connected to it is wonderful.

Even changing that mindset changes a lot of things,

Right?

Everybody is a part of a family.

And I can only talk for myself,

Sophie.

And of course,

When you write that,

I guess that it's out of your own personal experience,

Right?

Everybody is a part of a family.

We are all a part of one big family.

I know what you mean.

Or I think I know what you mean.

So again,

It's about my choice to say this to myself.

So when I meet somebody on the street that I dislike,

I'm looking into what is it that I dislike about myself that I'm projecting onto this person?

And what can I do for this brother?

What can I do for this sister?

Right?

So again,

If we do not have any family-family like blood related,

Which we again all are,

But I get what you mean.

It's a question about us finding out what is it that I would love to experience?

Because it's said that we do not choose our our families,

But the family that we choose becomes family.

So our friends and people that we meet,

I have three,

Four persons that I met at gathering of the tribe that I almost think about every day.

And they feel like brothers.

I have two other friends of mine that with the years have become brothers.

I would do as much for them as for anybody else or my own brother,

My own mother and father.

So it's our mindset below the line,

Above the line.

Becoming conscious about when we move below the line.

And then finding out,

You know,

Sometimes I'm not in the mood or in the energy place,

Or I'm too down to do anything about the consciousness of me being below the line.

But I communicate it.

I tell my,

You know,

My,

The guys that I work with,

I tell my wife,

I tell them that I'm really down below the line.

I just need some space.

And even that changes things for me.

So Wendu Wendu,

Writing,

I've sent a letter to my brother after 18 years of silence.

But there are others that are harder.

And definitely Wendu,

I recommend you to do the,

You know,

I spent so much time in family constellations,

Which means it's a way of working with your inner family,

But also the outer family.

I'm just going to make this short because I'm running out of time.

I've experienced firsthand how these it's like where you meet three days,

And you're a lot of people that don't know each other at all.

And you use family constellations to talk with the therapist,

And then to choose either mom or dad or sister or brother or grandmother,

Whatever,

And place them on the floor.

And you modulate them.

So you put them like you should be here,

And you should be here,

You should be facing there,

Or you should be going there.

And then you just leave it for them to do whatever the energy and the impulse in them tells them to do.

And these people,

I'm getting goosebumps right now,

These people start moving and talking like your freaking parents,

Like your sister,

Like your brother.

And I've been in so many sessions where I didn't have my own process,

Also my own process.

But it's a different thing to experience your own family in these constellations.

You cannot explain why this is happening.

So in these family constellations,

If you haven't tried it,

It's very much recommended.

You start seeing the deeper layers of everything that's going on in the family system.

So any tragedy,

Any abortion,

Anything that's happened will affect the family system and needs to be healed so we can take responsibility for some of it.

But most of us need to give something back to either mom or dad.

We need to give something back to our grandparents.

We are carriers of everything that they did not heal,

That they did not trauma release.

So what I'm sharing here is that whatever you do in regards to your family and the meditation,

If I strongly believe that we do not need the physical relation to change relationships,

Because they're primarily inside of us.

So if I every day meditate on how much I love everything about my brother that I hate,

Or my mother for that matter,

That I light a candle every day for 365 days,

How will I feel when I meet him or her?

So what we do on a daily basis affects us and changes us.

It changes our world the way we perceive.

And what will happen with that person when you meet that person?

They will immediately feel that there's something changed.

The way that you look at them,

Because you've been looking at them every day for 365 days.

But of course,

They're not aware of this.

So going back to the family constellation thing,

I've experienced so many times that things change because of the work that's being done.

People tell stories about them coming home and suddenly their brother reaches out to them.

Or I even had this story about a mother that had this autistic boy that was so much in pain,

Emotional pain,

And that all the time since he was a very small child,

He was like 12 years old now,

Kept on pushing his mother away.

And she went on this family constellation weekend and experienced so many things and so much consciousness about everything that did not have to do with this child.

They were thinking that it was because of his disorder.

There was no disorder.

Of course,

There was some wiring in his brain that was different because when she got home,

He was waiting in the door.

Right?

And when she went to him,

He came out to her to embrace her.

How could he know what had happened?

So what I'm pointing at is that whatever we create inside of us,

I choose to believe in everything.

Why not believe in everything?

It would just create contraction that's not needed inside of me.

That was a long,

Long.

.

.

I said that I was going to make it short.

It was kind of short.

I need to go,

Guys.

Thank you so much once again for being here.

Thank you also for your time and for you sharing.

I enjoy very much being with you guys.

So if you are new to me and this group,

This gang,

This circle,

Please do come back.

It's a 365 day thing and we're getting close to the end of this year.

Good night to all of you that have been up late.

I hope that I didn't get your mind to think too much that you're actually going to be able to go to sleep.

And again,

Going back to the calm,

Slow breathing,

Relaxed eyes,

Asking yourself that question,

What would I do today despite my fear?

And now the cats need some food.

You can hear them as well,

Right?

All right.

Good night,

Everybody.

Good morning,

Everybody.

And see you back tomorrow.

Bye-bye,

Guys.

Bye-bye.