Lovingkindness for Others and Our Parts
by Kristy Arbon
How is it to extend kindness to someone we love and a part of ourselves we love; someone we respect and a part of us we respect; someone we dislike and a part of ourselves we dislike? Aren’t we all just trying to be happy?
Transcript
When you're ready,
Closing your eyes either fully or partially.
Taking a few deep breaths.
And bringing to mind someone in your life,
A person,
An animal,
Someone who you find very easy to love,
Very easy to be fond of.
It's a very uncomplicated relationship.
Whenever you think of this being,
Maybe it's a niece or a nephew,
A grandparent,
A pet.
Whenever you think of them,
Just the thought of them naturally makes you smile.
And tuning into those feelings,
Knowing that you want this being,
This person,
This animal to have a sense of wellbeing.
And offering these phrases coming from that desire for them to feel good.
May you feel safe.
May you feel healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
Really feeling what it's like to have this heartfelt wish for this beloved being.
And then moving your awareness to a part of you that you are very fond of.
A part of you that you have reasonably uncomplicated relationship with.
You actually really like this part of you.
This might be yourself as a child.
Maybe you have a maternal instinct that you're really happy with.
A playful part of you.
An affectionate part of you.
Something about yourself that you really like.
Seeing this as a part of you.
Just as you offered these phrases to that beloved other.
Offering them to this beloved part of yourself.
May you feel safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you live with ease.
If you're having trouble with this,
With generating these feelings for this beloved part of you.
Maybe imagining them being right next to this beloved other that you held in your heart before.
Once again offering these words.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
If you're struggling to feel these feelings for this part of you,
It's okay.
And you allow it to not be a problem.
We're all just experimenting.
We're all just practicing to see what resonates for us.
And then moving your awareness again.
Now this time bringing to mind a being in your life you respect,
You appreciate very much.
This might be a teacher.
Someone who's been quite generous to you,
Quite supportive.
A parent.
An author.
Someone you respect.
Given your desire for their wellbeing,
Offering them the same loving kindness phrases.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
And then just as you identified someone in your external life that you respect,
Tuning into your inner parts,
Finding a part of you that you respect.
A part of you that has a lot of wisdom or knowledge or skill,
Maybe a strength of yours.
Maybe there's an inner planner.
There's a part of you that might be very mindful.
Maybe a part of you that is disciplined.
Or a part of you that's very dedicated.
That you respect.
If you're having trouble finding a part of you that respect,
That you respect,
Thinking about your strengths,
Things that you're good at.
You might have slightly complicated relationships with this part of you and that's okay.
Finding a part that you respect.
And offering that part of yourself these same phrases.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
Once again,
If you're having trouble tapping into those feelings of wellbeing towards this part of you,
You might even imagine them next to this external person in your life that you respect and offering them both the same measure of a wish for their wellbeing.
And then moving your awareness one more time to someone in your external life who you find quite challenging.
This might be a parent,
Spouse,
Child.
It might be someone in the media,
A public figure.
Someone you find challenging.
And someone you really don't like.
And without trying to force it too much.
Without saying that you condone bad behaviour.
Just in this moment,
Seeing if you can offer this challenging person in your outer world.
These same wellbeing wishes coming from the understanding that we all just want to be happy.
We're all doing what we think will make us happy.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
If it feels really too difficult to do this for this person,
Then release,
Release.
There's no need to hang on to this practice.
We're not forcing anything.
We're just experimenting.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
Noticing any tension that you might be feeling in your body as you think about this other person and tending to yourself.
Maybe putting your hand over your heart.
Bring yourself to feel these emotions in your body without getting into your head and circular argument.
Bring your awareness to your body.
And bringing your awareness to a part of yourself that you find quite challenging.
Maybe you have a part of you that is a comfort eater.
A part of you that is a procrastinator,
A manager,
A critic.
Once again,
It might be challenging to wish this part of yourself well-being.
But this part also feels as if it's doing what it needs to do to be happy.
Maybe even to keep you safe and happy.
It's doing the best it can.
And offering it these same phrases.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
May you feel safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you live with ease.
We're not saying that everything is great with this part of us.
And we're not saying that we don't want some change.
What we are acknowledging is that this part,
Like every part,
Like every human being,
Is doing the best it can.
Once again,
If you're feeling any emotions,
Bringing your awareness into your body.
Away from any cyclical argument or story in your mind.
Away from the Papancha,
The proliferation.
Bringing your awareness down to the feeling in your body and tending to any feelings over that part of your body or over your heart.
And now as we're moving towards the finish of this little practice,
Releasing any imagery you have.
Bringing your awareness to your breathing for a couple of breaths.
Tending your awareness to your body as a whole.
Starting to move your body.
When you're ready,
Gently opening your eyes.
Starting to take in the space that you're in,
Looking around you.
Maybe having a little stretch,
Sip of your drink.
4.4 (132)
Recent Reviews
Holly
January 27, 2019
Absolutely excellent. Helped me to really feel how the individual parts of my inner family rely on one another and are affected by one another. Wonderful considering people in my outer family alongside my inner parts. There is a glitch to be aware of—during the time where we consider a challenging inner part the closing music plays, and then there is a bit of silence. I opened my eyes thinking “Kristy doesn’t usually end a meditation on an intense note like this”, then finding that there were still 3 minutes of guidance left. Now that I know this and can read my own review it shouldn’t interrupt my meditation, but I hope that will get fixed for people who don’t read a review warning them. Anyway, so thankful to you, Kristy 💚
Jake
July 1, 2018
Excellent, challenging, and moving. Thank you for sharing this practice with us, I am grateful.
Gerald
March 25, 2018
Gentle and kind👍
sharon
March 21, 2018
Genius. What a wonderful way to relate ourselves to others. 💕
Jim
March 20, 2018
Excellent practice...linking external objects of kindness with parts of ourselves. Building allies in our struggles with unloved parts of our world and ourselves.
Michelle
March 20, 2018
Beautifully paced loving kindness meditation🙏💕🦋
satya
March 19, 2018
thank you kristy for this gorgious metta variation. it reminded me lovingly of my unloved patterns doing their best to protect me. and if something will free them, it is acceptance and love. thanks so much. really going deep ♡♡♡
Sapphire.Citrus
March 19, 2018
It was helpful to consider the match between the qualities of others and myself that I find easy and difficult.
Claritta
March 19, 2018
Great idea to work with metta on parts! 😊 Thank you, dear Kristy! 🙏🏻