A Forum. "Growth From Adverse Childhood Experiences".

Thank you for being here at this moment,

At this moment in time with me.

Thank you for holding space at this moment,

All of us together.

This introduction will be a process to allow a greater sense of ease and acceptance of awareness of releasing painful memories and recollections of childhood trauma.

I feel that it's important that we are aware,

If you are listening to this lecture,

I don't typically like the term lecture because I like interaction between all of us.

Yet if you're listening to this conversation,

Other than curiosity,

The great number of us who would have clicked on such a podcast or such a conversation or such a meditation of this is because we are wounded as adults from childhood experience on some level one way or the other.

And this truth is nothing to be ashamed of.

Yet we together are sick and tired of what negative childhood experiences and trauma has done to us throughout our adult lives.

I'm not going to talk much about my professional career,

Which spanned approximately 15,

17 years or so as a crisis counselor,

As a human services professional.

Yet I'm going to speak to you from the heart and from memory and do my best to channel the thousands of hours of painstaking,

Heart wrenching moments of healing that I'm lucky and fortunate that I interacted with a client base of beautiful adolescents as an adolescence counselor in family therapy,

Whom trusted in me,

Whom trusted after I proved myself to them in building rapport and not abandoning them during the most difficult times of their treatment.

As a mediator and a facilitator of level five,

Which is the highest level of intervention and crisis counseling,

You had to learn to read clearly body language.

You had to be able to see the shifts in energy of a room.

You had to know when to allow a resident,

A youth,

A parent,

A moment of reprieve,

A timeout,

A walk in the park,

A walk around the facility,

Because what they were sharing and experiencing was so dark,

So painful,

Yet the beauty is a child has a resilience that goes beyond comprehension.

As we hold space together at this moment,

I'm going to interact with you as if all of us,

The hundreds of us,

The thousands of us who might be listening wherever you may be in the world today,

You are okay.

You are loved.

There is no shame in admitting the abuse and the trauma that one has experienced as a child because those memories,

If we continue to suppress them as the term,

As we generational abuse is the number one common denominator of not only the residents,

The youth who are in the treatment facilities and the correction facilities,

The numbers are staggering.

All over 50%,

I'm going to give you a number that you might find hard to believe.

70 to 80% of the youth were abused immensely.

I don't mean old fashioned whippings where you got a little whooping to help you learn how to handle yourself as a person.

I'm talking abuse,

Scars,

Being burned,

Being cut,

Sexual abuse that is beyond question.

This is where we are at this moment.

As a professional who is no longer in that line of work,

I still find it's important that I tell you what you are listening to,

The introduction to a healing process of childhood trauma that you have already been on your search and your path and you have been awakened as an adult to what is holding you hostage,

The chains that have shackled you from loving,

From choosing,

Continually choosing the wrong partners,

Narcissistic partners,

Abusive physically partners,

Deceptive partners,

The battle with our own selves,

Addictions,

Depression,

Feelings of unworthiness,

Shame,

The inability to stay in the moment and be present when you meet someone because you are constantly looking for something wrong.

Understand something,

Dear ones.

When one has suffered from immense childhood trauma,

You never have a feeling of security.

So as you grow into adulthood,

Things could be lovely,

Moments could be beautiful,

But you are always looking for something to trigger,

A certain word,

A certain comment,

A look,

Something not said because that's how your life was.

One moment things are fun and the next moment you're tasting your own blood.

I can share these facts with you and these truths with you because if you are listening to this introduction to part two of the guided meditation,

You have already begun to do the work on yourself and if you have not begun to do the work on yourself,

It's important that possibly this is not the right time for you to continue forward because we are not going to suppress nor sweep under the rug.

We are done with sweeping under the rug and suppressing the pain and suffering that a great number of you,

My love,

Have had to deal with since we were children.

We're ready to be free.

We're ready to experience joy.

We're ready to experience moments of bliss.

The only things that are going to arise from us as we proceed forward into part two is liberation,

Absolute and complete liberation,

No longer bounded by chains that have embedded themselves into our flesh.

Of course,

We will always wear the scars like precious jewels around our neck.

They may be invisible,

But at this moment moving forward,

We will pull our shoulders back,

Lift our chin up and strive through life in a manner that will attract and allow us to emit beautiful vibrations.

We can't move forward when we're constantly blaming and it doesn't matter at whose hand the pain came from.

Be aware of my dear friends,

The abuser always,

Not sometimes,

Always has been abused themselves.

That is called generational childhood abuse and trauma.

It has gone on for decades and decades and decades in families.

It is the most common form of suffering and feelings of being unworthy,

Of depression,

Of psychosis,

Of self-harm that I knew to be true as a crisis counselor.

I didn't need to ask youth the story of why they committed acts and crimes in which they did because the story was going to reveal itself at certain moments along the way.

Allow me to state this truth as well.

If you think that any adult counselor,

Psychologist,

Social worker,

Case worker,

Crisis counselor,

Doctor of I knew many neuroscientists,

Whom did not come from a similar background,

You would be mistaken.

And it's easy to hide for a period of time.

We can hide it with our clothing,

We can look a certain way,

We can hide it with our physical manner,

We can work out and look a certain way.

We can hide it with our emotional disposition.

There will become a time something in your life would trigger that inner child and you will be forced,

If you are going to have a decent life,

A happy life,

A meaningful life,

To confront the monster.

We are in the process of slaying the monster,

Not confronting the monster,

We are in the process of slaying the monster.

We have been held captive for a long,

Long time and we say no longer.

I'm going to share with you an exercise that I used to do during the thousands of hours with the youth that I'm very proud and I hold them dear in my heart to this day.

Many of the staff members and the workers,

They wouldn't even touch upon this exercise because they didn't want to look vulnerable in front of the children.

I didn't have any problem looking vulnerable in front of the children because I knew the truth of what I had to do as a man to become a better human being and I thought I had it all under control.

But as you go through life longer and longer and you have more experiences and interactions,

If you are aware,

If you are willing to die to your old self,

You have to tell the truth on yourself.

There will come a time when you look in the mirror or your reflection in that stream isn't as clear as it should be and you have to make a difficult decision.

Am I willing to die to myself to become a better human being?

And it is not easy.

It is one of the most difficult processes that we share together.

During this process and this time together,

I wish to reiterate to you all that unlike times in our childhood when we weren't safe,

We did not feel safe,

We did not feel secure,

We were uncertain who was going to come over to the house.

I wish for you to know at this time that we are all safe together.

We are all one together and we are going to be alright together.

This exercise was,

As I said,

Intended for the youth to write a quick story or a poem of a moment that they wished to share,

Where they could recall a moment that wasn't so painful that they could not continue their treatment,

But a moment where they realized that the household,

Their caregivers were not as they should be.

And again,

Most of the adult workers would not participate.

I was one that did,

Which I believe is one of the reasons why no matter how violent a youth was,

They were always respectful and kind to me.

So let me take a moment and read this to you as we proceed later into part two of the act of forgiveness,

Letting go,

Surrendering to the pain and suffering of one's memories and recollections as a youth,

Forgiving those that harmed ourselves,

Forgiving ourselves for harming ourselves.

That will be part two guided meditation,

Which will be a bit nicer and softer and gentler.

Beautiful music will play.

I didn't find music necessary for this moment.

For this moment was simply just to build rapport and to connect and to allow you to understand that we're all together and we're in this together.

There's no reading from a book.

This is coming from the heart so that we can proceed forward and develop our radiant light as it should be.

The poem in part two,

When we get there,

And that will be part two,

A different recording,

Will be the title,

A conversation between the divine,

A mother and her unborn child.

I'll say it again.

A conversation between the divine,

The ultimate power,

The ultimate high,

Whatever spiritual component that you put on God or the supreme being or the ultimate ruler,

This is non-denominational.

So when I speak to you in my meditations,

Just know that when I use certain terminology,

It has nothing to do with a particular image or a religious connotation.

It has to do with an energy field,

A source of creation which created us,

The ability for us to be present today.

And it can be wherever you choose it to be,

A conversation between the divine,

Mother and unborn child.

Now let's begin.

This is what I wrote and shared with them during the treatment group.

The chains of abuse go far deeper than surface wounds.

Where your scars like precious jewels are draped around your neck.

You too have had to console yourself,

Be it in isolation or hiding in a corner,

Wishing to be invisible,

When the only thing you truly wish for is to be outside playing with the others,

Playing in the snow.

As you lie in a corner,

Strumming your tiny fingers across your fresh wounds,

Infectious laughter comes from outside your window.

The curiosity of a child overrides their fear.

The abuser is sleeping in the next room.

As one tiptoes to peek out of the curtain,

I hear more laughter outside my window,

Being careful not to step on the wrong boards on the floor,

For she surely will awaken.

I get close to the window and I pull it apart and I tell them,

Shh,

Quiet,

Quiet.

I mouth to them while inside my room,

Putting a tiny finger to my lips.

I can read their lips outside my frosted window.

Come play with us,

They ask.

Come play with us,

Softly they whisper,

As they shiver outside my window.

Tiny mittens touch my frosted window.

Maybe tomorrow I whisper.

I slowly pull the curtain together.

I sit in my corner in silence.

I feel invisible.

I cry knowing tomorrow will be more of the same.

I will not be able to play outside tomorrow.

I will not be able to play in the snow.

Some just don't understand even as an adult child.

I love the snow,

Yet it's hard for a child to make snow angels,

When as a child they no longer were allowed to believe in angels,

That I shared with them.

And it helped me personally to foster growth,

To release shame.

But I realized all these years later I still had to learn to forgive.

For when you forgive,

You no longer blame.

Allow this moment that we share together of awakening,

Of awareness,

To foster a healing process,

Which will allow us to release the shackles,

To release fits of rage,

To be able to let go of dissociated states which destroy our moments of bliss.

It's okay to get angry.

It's okay to feel a bit melancholy.

Actually at times when I feel a bit melancholy,

My creative juices flow.

Most artists will tell you that.

Yet when life takes away your joy,

Because you're hanging on and you're holding on to suffering,

You're already dead,

We're no longer living,

We choose now to live.

You dear one,

Understand that we are safe together and the journey that we are about to embark on will simply solidify where we have awakened to this time in our life.

I am thankful for you.

I am grateful for you.

And I must say,

I have to pinch myself,

I've had to pinch myself for a few months now for this moment I did visualize going through an intense time in my life.

When Insight Timer advisory staff reached out to me about four,

Actually yeah,

Three and a half,

Four months ago,

I first thought it was a prank.

I thought how cruel,

What is happening?

I spent a whole day wondering,

No,

This can't be.

Then through a few emails and a call I was given a green light,

Your experience,

Your voice.

We could feel your heart and we welcome you into our community of teachers.

Yeah,

I broke down like a baby.

I'm not going to lie to you people.

I broke down like a baby and I cried and I cried.

I'm so honored.

I can't tell you how honored I am to know that my truth,

Our truth,

I will continue to try to shine and cast aside the old self,

Especially knowing that it will allow you to cast aside and to grow moving forward in life,

All of you around the world.

I'm so happy my friends that we are able to share this time together.

I wish to in closing,

Prepare yourself for the journey that we are about to embark on.

We will breathe together.

We will release toxic energy together.

We might cry together.

One thing that will happen,

We will never be the same individual that we were prior to this moment.

And for that I send you loving kindness.

I send you genuine compassion for I am you and you are me.

And please tune in to part two for where you need each other on this journey moving forward.

You may either listen to part two at a different time or you may listen to part two immediately.

Whatever you do,

I wish for you to recline or lie down,

Put your hand on your heart or your hands on your side and know that you are love.

We are love.

And we will also send love to those whom have done us harm.

And only then will we truly be able to forgive and move forward.

Thank you dear ones for holding space with me,

For holding space with each of us at this time.

I am Dion Lequin.

Namaste.