Mindfulness Of Emotions - A Teaching

Emotional reactivity drives us to harm ourselves and others.

Who wants that?

Not anyone I can think of off the top of my head.

When we learn to be mindful of our emotions,

That is,

Allow them to be just as they are,

And get curious about them to uncover the beliefs that,

If the beliefs that support them are true or not,

We can release ourselves from conditioned habits and beliefs and respond to life as it unfolds,

Rather than react based on our conditioning.

Emotions are created through conditioning that we and the world around us program unconsciously,

And then emotions manifest as reactions to situations or some other stimulus,

Whether from within or the outside world.

They don't actually speak to the truth of what is happening,

But rather to subconscious beliefs about what is happening.

Also,

Emotions can lead to actions,

Right?

When we allow our emotions to run the show without inquiry,

We may act in ways that are harmful to ourselves and others,

As I said at the beginning.

The good news is,

We don't have to be run by our emotions,

And I hope to show you how to reclaim your ability to respond during times of stress as we dive deeper.

Thank you for joining me tonight while we explore together the topic of mindfulness of emotions.

Let's take a moment to sit restfully,

And if you're comfortable,

Please close your eyes.

Before we get centered,

Let's do a quick body scan for any emotions you may be feeling right now and how you are sensing them in the body.

Inwardly name whatever emotions are coming up for you.

Okay,

Now let's get centered.

Take a big breath in,

Filling the lungs with oxygen,

And slowly release the breath with any tension you notice in the body.

Let's take a few more deep breaths like this,

And while you do so,

I'd like you to imagine with your mind's eye,

The oxygen that's entering your body is providing nourishment to the trillions of cells that make up your physicality.

Recognizing the abundance of nourishment and oxygen freely given to you,

I want you to imagine on the exhale that your exhalation is sending that overflowing nourishment out into the world for all beings to be nourished.

You can inwardly say something like,

Sending nourishment to every cell in my body on the inhale,

And sending nourishment to every being,

Seen and unseen,

On the exhale.

Again,

Sending nourishment to every cell in my body,

Sending nourishment to every being seen and unseen,

Sending nourishment to every cell in my body,

Sending nourishment to every being seen and unseen.

Now bring your awareness back into the group,

And when you're ready,

You may gently open your eyes.

One of the things that fascinates me about emotions is how good they are at catching the off-guard.

They can jump out at us in varying degrees of intensity at any moment.

Sometimes the simplest upset can feel like an overwhelming catastrophe,

And yet,

Did you notice how naming your emotions just now caused a shift in your perception?

When we get caught up in experiencing intense emotions,

We have found ourselves in the perfect training opportunity.

We can use these moments to train our minds to be more responsive rather than reactive.

What I mean here is every time we experience an emotion that feels overwhelming,

We can stop,

Take a deep breath,

Recognize the emotions coming up and name them,

Take another deep breath and allow them to just be here because they are.

We can ask ourselves if the emotions we are experiencing really represent how we are feeling,

And we can remind ourselves that no matter what we are feeling,

Saying,

Or doing,

Our hearts are big enough to embrace it all.

We can embrace every single part of who we are.

After all,

If we don't,

Who will?

What I just described is a short version of how we can use the practice of RAIN,

Popularized in my awareness by Tara Brach.

This technique is a valuable tool for dealing with daily emotional challenges as they arise.

RAIN is an acronym for Recognize,

Allow,

Investigate,

And Nurture.

Recognize means consciously acknowledging in any given moment the thoughts,

Feelings,

And behaviors that are affecting us.

Allowing means letting the thoughts,

Emotions,

Sensations,

Or feelings we have recognized simply be there without trying to avoid or fix anything.

To investigate,

Call on your natural curiosity,

That's the desire to know the truth,

And direct a more focused attention to your present experience.

Nurture by sensing what the hurting place inside you needs most,

And then offering some gesture of active care that might address this need.

When you've completed the active steps of RAIN,

It is important to just notice your own presence,

And just rest in that wakeful,

Tender space of awareness,

No longer imprisoned in any limiting sounds of self.

To show you what it looks like to use RAIN in everyday situations,

I'd like to take you back to last Thursday afternoon.

So last Thursday,

I went to pick my son up from school.

I greeted him with the same excitement and enthusiasm that I usually do.

He's 7 and has Down syndrome,

So he acts a lot like a 4 foot toddler at this stage in his development,

Which means getting him to cooperate with me requires a lot of extra energy on my part,

Especially when I want him to do something he has absolutely no interest in.

On this particular day,

All was going great as we raced hand in hand to the car.

The next part is always the biggest challenge,

And that's getting my 65 pound,

Strong-willed boy into his car seat and securely buckled in.

As I said,

All seemed to be going great,

And then he said,

Climb.

That word tells me he has decided his next move is not the one I'm asking of him,

So I better be prepared to battle.

As his determination to climb into the hatchback meets my determination to get him strapped into his car seat,

It becomes a battle of strength and will.

I may still be stronger,

But his firm grip on the car's interior enables him to be a good match to my strength.

In our tussle,

I lean into the side of his car seat to keep hold of him and accidentally set off the car alarm.

I have no choice but to let it sound,

Grabbing the attention of those around us.

Because I know from past experience,

If I lose this battle,

It's all over and I'll be spending the next half hour trying to get him into his car seat.

Despite the small sense of panic beginning to rise in my body,

I manage to find the keys in my coat pocket and turn off the alarm.

To be sure not to set it off again,

I gently toss the keys onto the passenger seat and get my son secured to ride home safely.

Relieved and grateful the scene is over,

I shut the door.

I am happy.

I had kept my cool and prevailed.

Woohoo!

This mindfulness meditation practice is really paying off.

Little did I know my celebration was a bit premature.

As I go to open the passenger door to grab the keys,

The door refuses to acknowledge my existence.

It simply would not open.

Nor would any of the other doors or the hatchback.

Yep,

That's right.

I totally locked my 7-year-old,

Securely seated in the car with the keys.

That sense of panic that a few minutes earlier subsided so easily is coming back on quickly and with gusto.

Stronger,

Physical sensations start tingling up my legs,

Headed for my heart and brain so I can have a total freak out moment.

Fortunately,

The programming I consciously created through my mindfulness practice kicks in instead of a subconscious reaction of panic.

For a moment,

I just stop,

Take a couple deep breaths and ask myself,

Okay,

What can I do?

A quick RAIN practice begins to unfold as I first recognize the emotions I was feeling.

Panic.

Fear.

Worry.

Then,

Breathing deeply,

I was able to settle the sensations in my body and allow the A of RAIN,

Allow the emotions and whatever sensations were in the body still,

To be there.

Then using the I of RAIN,

I investigated the emotions.

The panic was there because I didn't know what to do.

I was afraid my son may get upset and I would not be able to soothe him.

That was the fear.

The worry came from knowing my next best move would be to text my husband when I knew he was in a meeting,

Which was why I was picking our son up from school in the first place.

I was worried he would be upset or he wouldn't be able to respond quickly or that my interruption would put him in a jeopardizing position with work.

Now it was time to nurture,

That's the N of RAIN.

Knowing the panic,

Fear,

And worry weren't actually helping me make the next best choice,

I was able to gently remind myself that these things happen and they can be prevented by going back to the practice of leaving the driver window down so I can't lock myself out.

I thanked my body for reminding me of the seriousness of the situation and reassured it that everything was going to work out just fine,

And it did.

I texted my husband,

Who left his meeting right away,

And when he arrived he and I used humor to lighten the situation.

And the entire time our son was locked in the car,

He sat playing with his stuffed baby shark totally unaware that there was a problem.

I am so grateful that is how it unfolded.

It could have been very different.

The RAIN practice may sound like it took minutes of precious time to do,

But it didn't.

The beauty of regular mindfulness meditation and RAIN practice is that it becomes second nature in times of stress.

Just like we have been conditioned our entire lives by the world around us without our awareness,

We can program our responses to stress intentionally by practicing mindfulness meditation for at least 15 minutes a day according to scientific studies conducted on war veterans with PTSD and using RAIN on our known triggers now and again.

Also expressing our gratitude and appreciation for as many things as we can goes a long way too in building our resilience to stressful stimuli.

I don't know how to express in words how grateful I am that I didn't have to think about how to calm myself down.

As soon as I felt the physical tingling sensation of panic coming on,

I immediately began soothing myself with deep breathing followed by RAIN.

The best part is this ability to self-soothe and build resilience to stress is available to all of us.

Yes,

Anyone can learn to do it.

To help you get the hang of how to practice,

Let's try it together now.

First,

Take a moment to think of a recent situation you found difficult.

Try to go back to that situation as best as you can to fully embody how you were thinking and feeling at the time.

Now recognize the emotions that were coming up for you and inwardly name them.

Try to experience those emotions as fully as you can,

Allowing them to exist just as they are while you get curious about how they feel physically and mentally.

Putting any judgments aside,

Begin to investigate these emotions.

With heart-centered care,

Inquire into the truth of your experience.

Do the emotions in your awareness accurately represent the situation that seemed to give rise to them?

Another way I like to put it is I'll ask myself,

What am I believing that isn't true?

The last part of RAIN is nurture.

Nurture yourself by sensing what the hurting place inside you most needs,

And then offer some gesture of active care that might address this.

Just continue to sit for another moment,

Noticing or feeling your own presence,

And rest in that wakeful,

Tender space of awareness no longer imprisoned in any limiting sense of self.

And offer yourself a word of gratitude for the experience,

Like thank you,

Thank you for this moment,

Thank you for this clarity.

As you continue with your daily mindfulness meditation practice in the days to come,

Remember 1.

Our emotional reactions point to beliefs which do not necessarily represent the truth.

We can discover the truth about our emotions using practices like RAIN that train us to respond with mindful,

Loving awareness.

2.

You can find the ground and let it rain anytime.

That is,

Ground yourself with a few long,

Deep breaths,

Then recognize what you're feeling and name it.

Allow it to be there because it is,

Investigate the feeling with non-judgmental curiosity,

And nurture the hurting parts of you with the care you feel is most needed.

And lastly,

3.

Training in the calm times helps these resources unfold naturally in the heat of the moment,

And cultivating an attitude of gratitude helps a lot too.

Thank you so much for allowing me to share with you on the topic of mindfulness of emotions.

Namaste.