How We Show Up ~ Serenity Wellness Podcast E60

Hello,

Welcome to Serenity Wellness Podcast.

My name is Nicole White and I'm here to help you build your wellness toolbox for mental,

Emotional,

Physical,

And spiritual health.

Welcome to episode 60,

How Do We Show Up?

To glide into the information today,

We're going to start actually with a little self-check-in.

To begin,

Just start to take notice of areas that you're holding on to tension in your body.

Some common areas are the base of our neck and shoulders,

Even the top of our head,

Jaw,

Maybe the roof at the tongue of your mouth.

We might be holding tension in our chest,

Abdomen,

Our lower back and butt,

Our hands and our toes.

Those are all super common areas.

So just start and check in.

Take a notice where you might be holding some tension.

And as you begin to notice where that is for you,

With your next inhale,

Direct your breath into that area.

And with your exhale,

Allow yourself to release the grip.

That muscle hold that creates all that tension.

Take a few rounds of breath here,

Guiding that inhale into the area of tension,

And letting that exhale release,

Undo that grip.

Now take notice of another area that you're holding some tension.

And again,

Take that nice deep inhale into that space.

And then using that exhale to release the muscle tension.

Noticing and using the breath to release and relax.

Excellent.

Now just have a little mental notation of how you're feeling in this moment,

How you're breathing,

Maybe where your mind and body tension is now versus how you just showed up a moment ago.

Even taking note of any resistance or ease even that you found in this connection and release process.

As we move through our day,

We might not notice how we're actually moving through our day mentally and physically.

With or without our awareness,

It still will impact how we show up for ourselves and others.

I mentioned this a bit in the holding space and personal value episodes,

But I think it's such an important topic that it needed to be explored a little further.

So as we start to identify,

For example,

Those personal values that we talked about in the last episode,

We can start to take notice of how we're thinking,

Digesting,

And even engaging in life.

We can notice different patterns in our thoughts or that we might even overfill our plates with all that stress and overwhelm.

We can get ourselves looped into those habits of throwing away minutes and then that even further elevates the stress and overwhelm we were already experiencing.

And all these different areas not only impact how we treat ourselves,

But it also impacts how we show up for others.

The flow of your day will impact your mindset and judgment,

As well as your engagement.

You might remember when we explored this in that flow state episode,

The impact of what a rushed energy will do to us.

As a little refresh,

Think about the bookends of your day.

If you're waking up sleep deprived with the mindset of dread of the day,

Starting and ending your day watching the news,

Or barely even giving yourself time to wake up before you start your day and get into work or the tasks that you have to complete,

This will carry through your day.

The energy that you start and end your day with has a profound impact on how you interact and digest with the in-between of your day.

It has an impact on how you show up with yourself,

And in this kind of showing up for yourself,

It involves that internal dialogue or engagement.

It could lead to judgmental thoughts,

Becoming a destroyer of your own confidence,

Clinging to that lack versus abundance mindset,

And pull us into procrastination pitfalls.

If you consider some of these areas that rushed feeling,

That mindset of dread,

Those judgments or expectations,

They all impact how we show up for others as well.

If our mind and engagement with our day is a rushed state of being,

We don't suddenly show up for others in a state of calm,

Ease,

And openness.

This rushed state of being leads to showing up with a chaotic and uneasy energy,

At times even being dismissive or demanding.

Allowing yourself to make a commitment to healthy bookends of your day will start to empower you to organize what comes in the in-between.

A dedication to the right flow state of your life is an amazing gift to offer yourself.

We can even know this to be true and encourage and assist others to incorporate that into their own life.

But then as we often do,

We deprive ourselves from such things.

Sleep deprivation has a direct effect on our physical,

Mental,

And emotional health.

Keep in mind,

This also involves how we show up to sleep.

When I talk with my clients about leading into sleep with silence,

Not having a TV,

No reading,

Just silence.

Some of them tell me they think I'm from another planet.

We giggle about it.

But they're like,

Oh yeah,

Okay Nicole,

You just what lay your head down and go to sleep?

Yes,

I do.

Doesn't mean it happens like within 30 seconds,

But it's a practice and a dedication to the practice to ease the system.

And yes,

It can feel uneasy initially until we train those internal systems.

It requires that patience and dedication to the practice.

I did just update Serenity's website with some new programs to assist you there.

If this is something that you want to explore further or have some interest in,

You can head over there for some more details on those different trainings.

But breaking this down even further,

This awareness of ourselves and our present moment,

Like where we're at now,

Will also have that impact on how we show up for others.

So are we holding space or are we stirring things up?

These thoughts about ourself and circumstances around us,

The way we digest it or perceive it,

Will impact our emotions.

These emotions then further fuel our thoughts.

They get us into the storytelling mode,

The thinking that we can predict the future somehow or read other people's minds.

We can even find ourselves in that emotional reasoning state of mind.

Remember that's when we'll have a strong emotion and then we suddenly become that lens or we put on that detective hat and see life through that emotion.

So for example,

If we're feeling really depressed,

We might start looking for all the reasons that we should be depressed.

We might even add some of those elevator words like the shoulds,

Coulds,

Woods,

Always,

Nevers,

Evers,

The whys,

Why nots,

All or nothing thinking.

These ways that we just stir ourselves up instead of calm ourselves down,

That we neglect ourselves or beat ourselves up instead of give ourselves a hug and compassion.

That lack of presence can even get in the way of us engaging in the things that we enjoy.

I've talked several times about the importance of engaging in your passions.

We can be engaging in them and do it robotically while we're wrapped up in our minds or sidetracking ourselves with our phone.

Missed opportunities to digest those feel good feelings.

This cycle can have a pretty significant impact on how we engage with others in our life.

We can try to rush others along.

For example,

Since we're rushed thinking about those bookends,

How you're starting your day,

What your flow through your day is like.

If you're rushed and chaotic,

You're probably showing up that way.

We might even show up with our own agenda and expectations,

Feeling road ragey,

Suddenly trying to become the micromanager.

We might even be the micromanager.

This rush state of being or agenda can take us out of active listening,

Even trying to rush others along in their sharing.

Remember,

When someone's sharing what you consider to be extra words,

They're also sharing their deeper thoughts and emotions.

Just be mindful of the doors you shut.

We can show up with a distracted mindset,

Devaluing the shared time,

Dilly-dallying on our phones when someone's talking with us,

Looking all around instead of at the individual or the situation and circumstance.

Moving ourselves into that escape versus connected mindset.

Our own agenda and mindset can also lead to stirring ourselves up with illusionary thoughts and stories.

This then will lead to reactions.

We end up reacting to what we think versus what's happening in the now.

We might even tell ourselves several stories of what we've been through,

Tell ourselves several stories before we arrive,

And we just arrive all stirred up and reacting to these things that didn't even occur.

We might even place different expectations onto others that we ourselves don't mirror.

For example,

Many people desire honesty in conversation.

If something's bothering you and someone asks you if something's wrong,

You might say everything is fine.

Well,

That's not honest.

That's a lie.

Yet we'll be hurt if someone lies to us.

We might even try to justify saying things like,

Well,

Their lies are bigger.

A lie is a lie is a lie.

If you want honesty,

Be honest.

If we are one who gets into that loop of mind reading where we think we know what others are thinking or feeling,

We can then project that onto someone else.

So we're not only being ingenuine and moving away from speaking our truth,

But we then add on an expectation that the other person should be able to just read our mind.

Other times we'll get frustrated then if they try to read our mind.

I can assure you this is not going to be an effective way to read our mind.

I can assure you this is not going to be an effective connection method.

It just doesn't work.

Another thing to keep in mind with all these areas that I'm talking about here today is that they also impact your physical body.

So these loops that we get stuck in,

They have a direct connection to your inflammation cycle.

Remember,

If our body is inflamed,

Perfect element for disease to enter and connect to the system.

So these areas will inflame our body.

They affect your adrenals and cortisol levels,

Your digestion,

Because our blood flow has to go to other areas instead of where our body actually needs it at that time.

Serotonin and dopamine,

Just to name a few things.

Even those neural network pathways in the brain,

Remember,

Neuroplasticity is real.

You can heal and rewire the highways in your brain.

What highway are you taking?

If it's not working,

Start to build new ones.

Yes,

Challenging for sure.

Doable?

Absolutely.

Awareness brings opportunity for change.

A willingness and dedication will take you there.

Embrace the inner web system in your humanness.

How you sleep,

Think,

Feel,

And what you put into your body through your environment and food.

Being mindful and selective about the energy you choose to have around you.

If you surround yourself with darkness,

You might find yourself stuck in the shadow.

Use food as medicine and slow down enough to eat.

Know what you're putting into your body through your food choices and even through things like synthetic fragrances and overload on technology.

Everything is connected,

No matter if you want it to be or not.

Embracing this reality will bring empowerment for awareness and change.

To wrap things up,

I'm going to share another tool for your toolbox that you might find helpful.

Just pluck out your toolbox and put it in your hand.

If you have any questions,

Please feel free to ask in the comments below.

Your toolbox that you might find helpful.

Just pluck out what resonates for you.

So this tool,

I call it start with one.

I don't know,

Just try to come up with a name.

But as I'm kind of going through this,

You might hear a lot that resonates from previous episodes and I'm kind of tying together for you.

At the same time,

As we go through these different things related to your mind,

Emotions,

And your body,

You can just choose one thing to start with.

The mind,

Emotion,

Or the body.

That's the beauty of this connection,

This internal entwined connection of our humanness.

You don't have to do all three things at once to make change and movement.

So when you're thinking of the mind,

Again,

Just start with one.

So with the mind,

If you're choosing there to start,

That's that slowing down.

Recognizing the story that you're telling yourself.

The judgmental words.

Bring in that power of pause and that mindful way of living,

Connecting yourself back to the now.

You can check out that Intro to Mindfulness episode for a little refresh on some ideas there,

But anything you're doing through your life,

You can do mindfully.

And again,

This is that daily practice of just connecting to the moment that you're in.

Observing the thought as it comes in,

Allowing it to float away,

And choosing to participate back into the moment that you're in versus the illusionary chitter chatter of the mind.

You can also practice that one-to-one technique when you're noticing judgmental thoughts,

And that will help you to rewrite that hamster wheel,

Moving it into more peaceful,

Pleasant,

And supportive language.

So whenever you become aware of that judgmental thought or self-criticizing thought,

Allow yourself to push pause,

And then slow down.

And then slide in a positive.

Dedicate to the commitment of the process.

Remember,

It's a process.

It's not going to just happen because you tried it once.

You might have been telling yourself the same stories and been on the same hamster wheel for many years.

So give yourself a little bit of time to rewrite this.

It won't take years.

Just dedication.

You can also choose to start with one related to your emotion.

Again,

This is going to be slowing down and pulling back those layers as you start to hold space for your own emotional being.

Asking yourself what your emotional experience is actually connected to.

Is it really your current situation,

Or is it related to a continual hit on replay from something in your past,

Or a story,

An illusion that's not actually based off truth?

Maybe in that emotional reasoning lens.

And as you notice,

Hold compassion towards yourself.

Validate your emotions.

Start to be aware of the ways that you might be diminishing or dismissing your own emotions.

Telling yourself that you're too sensitive,

Or that your feelings are just somehow less important.

Learn what cycles that you need to break and give yourself the compassion to move forward.

If you find yourself stuck in an emotion,

Use the opposite to emotion technique,

Or maybe choose 10 things,

Or that five senses countdown.

The quick refresh,

Opposite to emotion.

If you're feeling sad,

Throw on a song that makes you happy.

Look at some photos that remind you of joy.

If you're going to use the choose 10 things,

Go up to like a photo or a piece of art,

And choose like 10 things that are green,

Or 10 different leaves on the tree.

I don't know,

I'm looking at a piece of art in front of me right now to try to give you some ideas.

So just like look at a piece of art and choose 10 things in it.

Like if it has,

If it's a nature picture like I'm looking at,

It has a,

It's a watercolor,

It has a bunch of different things,

It's a blues and greens and little ripples in the water or different leaves structures,

All kind of stuff.

So you can go up to that,

Not that obviously,

Unless you're in my house,

But you can go up to your own piece of art and let yourself spend like two or three minutes doing that,

And you'll find your emotion is different.

We may believe that we're thinking multiple things at once,

But you're not.

So focus on the art and you'll find your emotion starts to change and go with it,

Your mind starts to cooperate,

And the body as well,

Because your body starts releasing that tension.

And then that five cents countdown,

Remember like five things I feel,

Four things I see,

Etc.

If the body is where you'd like to go,

Get your body moving,

And your body is going to go.

Get your body moving,

And your mind and emotions will follow.

Do some stretches,

Maybe a few yoga poses.

You can activate your blood flow with some jumping jacks or jump rope.

I love jump rope,

Especially like this time of year when I'm not outside as much in the winter and I like cardio stuff.

So,

You know,

Get a jump rope,

They're pretty cheap,

Go back to your childhood self,

Maybe you jumped rope back in the day.

Dance around.

I've shared many times,

My dogs think I'm losing it sometimes with our dance parties,

But it's movement,

It's getting yourself moving,

And then,

I mean,

What better way,

Right?

You're incorporating the flow and vibration of healing qualities of music itself.

You can maybe take a five to ten minute walk or bike ride.

Give your body a refresh and reboot.

You might find like you offer yourself,

For example,

A break in your day,

And then you spend it doing something mindless like social media or YouTube.

Not that those things are mindless,

Well,

Social media,

Kinda,

But I know there's a lot of cool educational things even on YouTube,

So I don't want to like diminish that,

But again,

If you're giving yourself a little break in your day,

Like say you're working a long day and you have like a 10 minute break and you're doing that,

Well,

You just might not feel as refreshed and rebooted as you would if you got a little movement.

Take note of the difference,

For example,

That you feel when you have some movement versus when you might be stuck more in stagnation.

You are your biggest asset and wellness tool.

You have the power to change stuck habits and programs.

Imagine your inner workings as a gym.

You don't even have to travel to get there to work out.

As always,

Thank you so much for sharing space with me and your continued support.

I'm really excited for the new programs that I have starting as well as the ones I'm developing,

And I hope that you will find them helpful as well.

Everything's virtual,

So you can join me no matter where you're at.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my podcast as well to just help me spread the wellness tools around as together we can assist the collective.

Stay tuned,

Stay well,

And thank you my friends.

Talk to you soon.