When Self-Soothing Becomes an Addiction | The Wisdom Podcast | Season 1 Episode 3

Let the beauty of life and all that you witness inspire your choices and the freedom to choose what you desire most.

The Wisdom Podcast is birthed out of the Wisdom Blog,

A digital healing hub of inspired consciousness,

Sacred truths,

And the divine teachings of authentic power,

Living one's truth and spiritual,

Or as we call it,

Unconditional love.

Many of the topics that I speak about in this podcast arise out of work with clients who have chosen to examine and live their life from a place of self-honesty and truth,

And to do the inner work that makes it possible for them to experience authentic happiness easily.

The divinely inspired teachings and insight that I share are to help you live consciously aware,

To access your own inner wisdom,

And to help you make the best choices towards living a limitless potential.

Please join me for consciously inspired dialogue,

Ideas,

And new thought paradigms for living an infinitely abundant and love-filled life here and now.

From infancy,

Each of us has a natural inclination to self-soothe.

Self-soothing is a way of relaxing our central nervous system,

Of calming the body and mind,

Of experiencing relief and the absence of whatever stress we may be facing.

We experience self-soothing from our caregivers as touch and holding,

As food and sustenance,

And as making our environment comfortable and safe,

With our favorite toys and blanket and a dimly lit and quiet room when we need to fall asleep.

All of which offer an infant child comfort and love whenever we appeared restless,

Unhappy,

Tired,

Or hungry.

As a child,

We instinctively look to calm ourselves in moments when we feel anxious,

Scared,

Angry,

Or alone.

Learning to self-soothe is vital for healthy development,

And it is an important skill for nurturing emotional and physical well-being.

The ritual of self-soothing continues throughout life.

How we are comforted and soothed as a child influences the habits that we adopt to soothe ourselves as adults.

We often don't consider self-soothing as a strategy for feeling comfort,

Ease,

Relief.

Each time we feel anxious,

Stress,

Sadness,

Or any other unpleasant state.

Perhaps this is because most of us don't make the direct connection between what we did to comfort and soothe ourselves in childhood and what we continue to do today to alleviate tension,

Anxiety,

Fear,

To calm ourselves,

To feel better,

And to escape momentarily from our life and to recover after uncomfortable,

Unpleasant,

Or threatening situations.

Self-soothing tendencies may be a form of self-regulation and a means of creating optimal balance between mind and body.

Yet not all self-soothing behaviors are helpful or healthy.

What do you do to self-soothe?

Consider for a moment what you instinctively do to make yourself feel better,

To escape,

To cope,

To unwind and relax.

Self-soothing as a healthy life skill is one form of self-care and the instinctive nurturing that is needed by all living beings in order to feel wholeness,

Well-being,

And love.

When we are taught how to provide for our needs as a child,

We develop the fundamental knowing that we can offer self-soothing and self-regulation in moments when we feel restless,

When our racing mind needs to quiet and soften,

As we may need a healthy escape or break from the busy routine of life,

And as we aim to live in balance,

To exist in an optimal state of functioning.

We have all learned how to soothe ourselves in ways that allow for feelings of calm,

Relaxation,

And comfort.

Just think about any of the moments of your childhood where you felt nurtured and loved and ask yourself,

How was this experience of love,

Nurturing,

And care shown to me?

What did others say or do or provide for me that allowed me to feel nourished,

Soothed,

And loved?

Simply notice what memories are stirred here and what your reaction is of these memories.

For example,

You may recall memories of family gatherings with food prepared lovingly,

With laughter and happiness,

And the encouragement of eating as one way in which love and nourishment was shown.

Or perhaps you recall the simple yet loving gesture of your mother preparing your favorite lunch to bring to school,

Which when you ate it with enjoyment,

It allowed you to feel happy,

Cared for,

And loved.

Self-soothing behaviors such as eating are much like a calming drug.

We feel satiated,

Our belly becomes full,

And we experience a state of induced relaxation as our body utilizes much energy to digest our meal.

If you were raised in a home where much emphasis was placed on home-cooked meals and eating together,

And perhaps an abundance of variety and quantity of food,

These same habits can become your go-to behavior for feeling comfort and pleasure.

In contemporary life,

Present generations are being raised with a reliance on technology,

Devices,

And often the absence of parental attention or even presence.

Devices soothe their young children by allowing them to play with a cell phone or other device.

Children are often provided with several options,

Including gaming technology to both occupy their time and as a means of entertainment that in many ways replaces or rivals playing with friends outside in nature,

Being a part of organized sport and other physical activities,

Or having quality face-to-face interaction with family members.

The habit-forming activities that subconsciously soothe children,

Providing distraction from discomfort and agitation,

And from other real-world situations can be constructive and meaningful or avoidant in nature.

Further,

Our ability to connect with friends and others through our technology means that we may be relying more on the brief messaging that is said or not said and the constant comparison of what we see and consume through social media and the internet as the new normative habits meant to soothe us when really much of this causes or inflames our anxiety,

Inadequacies,

And self-loathing.

When we feel anxiety,

Anger,

Sadness,

Fear,

Or any other uncomfortable emotion,

Our natural inclination is to self-soothe.

What we immediately want is to feel the absence of that uncomfortable emotion.

Without realizing what we are really craving whenever we reach for our technology,

Or as we open the pantry or fridge in search of something to eat,

Especially when we are not hungry or in a particular drug of choice,

Is indeed the calming,

Soothing,

And pleasant feeling that is preferred and often similar to our experiences from an earlier time.

Different forms of self-soothing may also be an instinctual strategy learned as a coping mechanism in a home where there was much tension,

Conflict,

And duress.

These self-soothing solutions are instantaneous and without the effort of sorting through our emotions to figure out what we might actually need.

While self-soothing is instinctive,

The method by which we actively soothe ourselves to achieve a state of calmness or any preferred state is something that is learned and therefore can be replaced with a healthier method specific to what our true needs are and often with less effort than we might think.

The power of self-soothing lies in your ability to recognize the importance of being self-aware,

Mindful,

Of your needs at any given moment.

When you are out of touch with or not attending to your basic,

Fundamental needs,

You tend to resort to the strategies that you have put in place,

Most of which originated out of what you were taught and what you developed out of necessity in order to evoke feeling a way that is desirable for you.

Since the range of desired feelings that we are often in search of include relaxation,

Comfort,

Escape,

Zoning out or nothingness,

Relief,

Avoidance,

Or perhaps the chemical-induced volume of energy to keep us going or the ability to sleep when we need to.

Self-soothing may come in many unhealthy forms,

Some of which are alcohol,

Prescription and non-prescription drugs,

Internet pornography,

Gambling,

And sex.

When we use a host of other behaviors as self-soothing mechanisms,

Most often what we are in search of is the quick release or relief from anxiety and duress and to feel better quickly and effortlessly.

As much as we may not feel comfortable being alone with our thoughts,

Especially if we tend to remain fixated on a problem or an ongoing problematic situation,

If we use our technological devices as distractions,

If we use food,

Alcohol,

Drugs,

Or another addictive substance to soothe and relax us,

Numbing our anxiety and worrisome thoughts,

We never learn how to achieve calmness and a soothing state of comfort,

Happiness,

And inner peace naturally.

Ironically,

This feeling of inner calm yet alert,

Clear-mindedness happens to be what our natural blissful state is,

One that we can feel when we are in balance or in a state of equilibrium.

In those precious few micro-moments as you first awaken,

Before your brain jumps to thoughts about all of what you have to do today,

What problems you didn't solve yesterday and are awaiting you,

There is,

However brief,

A gentle yet alert calmness,

A state of blissful peace.

Your mind and body begin in this state upon waking.

It's just that you too quickly pull yourself out of this equilibrium into worry,

Needing to do versus be,

Focusing on the near and distant future rather than the experience of the present moment.

It may be human nature to actively think of what is needed to be done,

But we tend to focus on the problems rather than actively working towards only the solutions.

A feel-good state is what we are all in search of.

It is also a feeling that we have become reliant or dependent on and at times even addicted to if we have the means of accessing what will give this to us even if it's short-lived.

A simple example of how we are dependent and addicted to a particular state of being lies in a typical behavior for so many who begin the day by ingesting a stimulant to ramp them up,

To help them be productive,

Alert and sharp-minded,

And which gives an elevated hit of adrenaline,

All easily contained in the acceptable caffeine buzz of our morning beverage.

In a different example,

If we are trying to calm our brain,

Which seems to always be on and which becomes difficult to silence by slowing it down with alcohol or drugs or consuming high-fat or carbohydrate-laden foods,

We may feel a numbing and physical slowness of our mind and body,

Which is followed by a state of zoning out or sleep.

These self-soothing strategies are also not an ideal way to experience relaxation or restful sleep since we are reliant on a chemical or food to relax us.

Healthy self-soothing is important and necessary for creating and maintaining balance and a naturally induced positive effect.

By being willing to examine our habitual behaviors and learn strategies for self-soothing,

We can at least identify which habits are less healthy.

Acknowledging what perhaps has not been an ideal solution to the stresses of life and the emotional or physical pain that we suffer allows us to look for sustainable ways in which we can be in control of how we feel,

Our choices,

And how we can use healthy means of self-soothing with productive life practices that are not avoidant in nature,

Nor do they cause us physical damage,

Guilt,

Or shame.

Three of the most readily available and natural sources of feeling in balance and in control as productive means of self-soothing are exercise,

Sleep,

And meditation,

Which can also include prayer.

If we can use one or ideally all of these healthy self-soothing strategies in moments when we are anxious,

Agitated,

Feeling out of control,

Upset,

When we crave a comfort food or substance,

When we are angry,

Fearful,

Or conflicted,

We will radically feel in control,

Able to continue functioning at a high level and in balance,

And feel successful in our ability to thrive in the world.

Feeling the self-soothe in healthy ways and often throughout the day means a greater likelihood that you will remain in balance and able to easily return to a state of balance often and as needed.

You will also be able to overcome what unhealthy habits and or addictions you may have been using and which have maintained a powerful hold over you since you now understand your natural and instinctive yearning for feeling positively,

Comforted,

Nourished,

And loved.

All of which have their origins in self-regulation,

Self-soothing,

And in being able to take care of your needs in a healthy way yourself.

For my client David,

A high-functioning business owner and entrepreneur who began using alcohol some 10 years earlier as an immediate means of relief and escape from the constant thoughts churning endlessly in his mind,

Meditation,

Exercise,

And a return to a healthy sleep regimen became the most effective and healthy means of bringing his life back into balance,

For calming and quieting his mind with deliberate intention,

And for recharging his body naturally.

The cumulative damage when we use any artificial substance regularly as a means of self-soothing and relaxation makes a natural combination of meditation,

Rest,

And exercise worth exploring.

There are many ways to use meditation both as a formal and an informal practice.

To experience the moving of one's body,

Whether through unstructured activity or formal exercise.

And to explore the many benefits of sleep as rest,

Including power naps of specific lengths as well as deep and healing sleep.

Using a combination of these healthy practices throughout your day as short 10 to 15 minute mini breaks as you need to refresh or soothe your mind and body.

And when you are pushing yourself too hard,

Are a perfect and healthful means of self-regulation,

Self-care,

And self-soothing.

Having to live in a state of optimal homeostatic balance helps bring to light the fact that self-soothing is an important and necessary life practice.

It is something that is highly sustaining and a best practice naturally.

Most ideal methods are quite simple and require very minimal effort to practice readily.

You can begin to implement helpful self-soothing strategies as you learn how to be mindful by first practicing greater conscious awareness of how you feel and what you are in need of in any given moment.

One strategy is to rely on your breath as a means of feeling calm and to return to the present moment.

In the present moment,

You can best assess how you feel and what your needs are.

Simply notice what you are feeling after taking several conscious breaths.

The point is to have a tool,

A strategy that you may access anywhere and at any time for being attentive,

Mindful to how you are in this moment.

Once you know how you feel,

You can ask,

How do I want to feel?

This question directs you to the notion that how you feel is a function of your own free-will choice and not dependent on something that must happen to you or for you in order for you to feel happy,

Relaxed,

Calm or any other mood state.

Next,

Ask,

What do I need in this moment in order to feel this?

And how can I give this need to myself?

What you are teaching yourself by answering these questions is how to self-regulate,

Self-soothe,

How to be in control of how you want to feel and then to experience the power of being able to give this to yourself.

Be aware when you are anxious or any other uncomfortable feeling state,

When you are in need of a mental break or a much-needed,

Albeit healthy escape from your daily obligations and responsibilities where you can attend to your needs gently.

Ideally,

You want to build natural breaks into each day consisting of healthful habits of breathing,

Meditation,

Activity and getting outdoors for a few minutes daily,

Breathing deeply and evoking presence in the moment.

These are some of the many strategies that will help you to shift your perspective for what you have relied on and what can become a natural and powerful means of experiencing heightened mental clarity,

Calm,

Self-soothing and for being engaged in the present moment.

Use your breath as a natural method of experiencing self-awareness.

This helps you to identify what you need in any given moment as well as it offering a deeper understanding of yourself.

As you become experienced with conscious,

Mindful breathing as one simple yet helpful strategy,

You begin to see that deliberate conscious breathing is a powerful means of helping you reestablish focus,

Of calming your body and mind and for feeling,

Even momentarily,

Soothed.

The enhanced awareness you experience from conscious breathing will also help you identify what you need in any given moment so that you are able to provide this for yourself.

Most of us need only the simplest of things when we are feeling stressed,

Worried,

Angered.

Taking a break from what we have been doing and experiencing the shift in our attention and energy that we feel from doing something that is soothing for even a little while is one habit that teaches us so much about our ability to allow ourselves what we need as we need it.

Even our unhealthy choices are the outcome of not attending to our needs and instead reaching for what habits we had previously learned,

Likely while living on automatic pilot,

And what was able to temporarily offer us a quick fix.

Our breath is the connection between mind and body,

And it is also a way for us to cultivate a connection with and to experience the divine,

What we call God,

Allah,

Source,

Universal Consciousness.

Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of the Wisdom Podcast.

To hear more,

Please check out the other episodes here,

And I invite you to share your questions and feedback with me.

Allow yourself to go within,

To access your inner wisdom,

And to live it.

Live your best life now.

In peace,

Gratitude,

And love,

This is Dorothy Ratusni.

Namaste.