This is a meditation for when you feel your life is not what you wanted.
You are not what you wanted.
So take a moment now to just sit with yourself exactly as you are.
Just notice all of the things that you are thinking about yourself.
What's wrong with your life?
What's wrong with you?
Just notice those thoughts move through the screen of your mind.
Just look at them.
Notice how your body experiences these thoughts.
Where does your body carry them?
What is your body saying?
How do these thoughts about your life manifest in your body?
And wherever that is,
Just bring gentle awareness to that part of your body.
No judgments.
Not trying to fix anything.
Just noticing.
With intimate tender awareness.
Noticing how your mind is working so hard to fix yourself.
Noticing the emotional weather of this whole narrative within you.
And just sitting with that exactly as it is without trying to change anything.
Just noticing.
Noticing as if you are standing beside yourself beholding your own being.
Noticing you in this moment of feeling that nothing is right,
That you are not right.
Noticing with great compassion and tenderness.
Listening,
Carefully listening to that endless inner monologue without attachment,
Without grasping onto it,
Without pushing it away.
Just noticing what the thoughts are doing to the whole organism,
To the mind and the body.
Noticing how the thoughts are trying to fix,
Trying to help,
But how they eddy and circle.
Noticing how the thoughts exist within a much greater space.
The Earth that holds the whole landscape.
So letting yourself notice anything in your surroundings,
An ambient sound,
A bird call,
A breeze,
A passing cloud.
And taking it in as if you have never seen it before.
As if you don't know what it is.
Just seeing the movement,
Hearing the sound with fresh aliveness,
Curiosity and wonder.
Just for a moment dissolving into it,
Into the mystery of it.
And seeing how that too is you.
That you are so much more than the thought bubble of your worries,
Of your thoughts about yourself.
And as if opening your mind's door,
Just releasing the whole narrative of yourself.
The whole long narrative,
The story of not good enoughness,
The story of needing to be fixed.
The storyline that says you are not enough,
This moment is not enough.
The voice in your head that says something is wrong with you.
Just opening the mind door and releasing that whole narrative out into the wind.
Seeing how it has tried to help you,
But how it is not needed,
Free it,
Let it go.
The answers are not there.
Release your projections about your circumstances,
About yourself.
Free yourself to experience each moment freshly,
Without preconception.
Creating space for pure noticing,
Your surroundings,
Your heart.
Noticing yourself sitting here before you.
Taking in the radiance that permeates everything.
Let the wise response you seek come to you of its own accord.
Letting it arise out of this greater space of noticing.
Listening for it without striving.
It may come now here as you sit with yourself.
It may arise tomorrow when you notice a passing cloud or leaves shimmying in a breeze.
An invitation to cut through the veil of appearances and be present to the circumstances of your life freshly,
Moment to moment.
It may simply be an invitation to be present or it may be an invitation to action,
To wise response,
To change.
Insight will arise in this space you create for it.
The old storyline won't get you there.
Let your spirit enter this wider space of awareness.
You are enough,
Dear one.
Trust yourself.
And knowing that in the hours and days to come,
You may a thousand times need to open that mind door and release those thoughts and that's okay.
Thank those thoughts for their efforts and let them go because you are whole,
You are complete,
You are radiant.
Everything you need for this day is within you.
The next time you feel assaulted by the old storyline of not being good enough,
Of needing to fix yourself,
You might offer a little prayer for all of the people who feel this way,
Which is,
I believe,
All people wishing that they may be free of that old,
Unhelpful storyline,
That they may experience their radiance,
Their completeness,
Their wholeness,
Their readiness for whatever life offers them.
You are enough,
Dear one.
Trust yourself.
