What Our Emotions Tell Us - LIVE Talk & Practice 07/14/22

1:07:12

1:07:12

What Our Emotions Tell Us - LIVE Talk & Practice 07/14/22

by Dr. Femke E. Bakker

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4.8

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talks

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Meditation

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Everyone

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209

This is a (partly) recording from Femke's weekly Friday LIVE (14 July '22). Femke first explains what emotions are and how emotions can guide us to living a more self-gentle life. After the talk, Femke guides you in a meditation in which you can experience for yourself how emotions can guide you. The practice starts at 33:17 (but is also accessible as an audio track itself in Femke's track list). During the talk, Femke also answers a few profound questions about dealing with emotions.

Meet your Teacher

Dr. Femke E. Bakker

Netherlands

Meet your Teacher

Dr. Femke E. Bakker

Netherlands

Transcript

Hello everyone, Welcome to my extra life on this Thursday. Welcome! And if you are here for the very first time, Let me introduce myself. My name is Femke Bakker, Obviously one of the meditation teachers here on Insight timer. And what I love to speak about with you is you. You and your world. Because I so much want to convey to everyone here that you are the person who can start to treat yourself with gentleness, With kindness, With love and compassion. And when you start to do that, Things are shifting. Not only in your life, But also in the way you interact with others. And the topic of today is what our emotions are telling us. Well, Those emotions are really important for us being aware of where we are, How we can be gentle to ourselves, Because our emotions tell us a lot. But I will tell you more about that, Let me just see who is here. I would love for you to introduce yourself, Say who you are, You can tell me where you are in the world. And I'm also really curious why you are here, What in this topic is intriguing you, What you would like to know more about. Masken is saying thank you so much for conducting this session, It's really required for me. And then you are explaining that you were crying a lot because you were aware that you were feeling guilty. And you were feeling shame, Insecurity, Jealousy, And all those emotions were not helping me. And they were causing pain in my stomach, In my chest. And I really don't know what they are trying to say to me and how I can do to make myself better, Apart from being just aware about these feelings and emotions. Well, That's a really really great question. Thank you so much for that. We will get to that for sure. Mary says I'm a very emotional person. Why do they affect some people more than others? Well, I wouldn't say affect, I would say if you are a person who is in touch with yourself, Your emotions are just speaking to you. It's your way of you telling you what is going on. So it's actually a blessing. People who have a hard time feeling emotions or who think that they don't feel emotions are very often training themselves or have been training themselves, Whether consciously or just by listening to their surroundings. Don't cry, Don't scream, Don't make such a fuss, Ah, Stop doing that, Come on, Cheer up, You know, All those things that we hear as kids from our family, From our friends, From our teachers, From everyone, They get stuck somewhere. And because of that many people are a little bit detached from what they're actually feeling. So Mary, You are feeling, You are getting really clear messages and we're going to speak about it, What those messages are, So you can bless, You know, You're blessed, You are in touch with yourself. So I just want to shift your perspective a little bit in that it's not bad that you're feeling those, It's good that you're feeling those, Learning how to deal with them, Learning what they mean and what you can do with them is really, Really helpful in that of course. But the first step would be that you acknowledge, Hey, I'm a person who is sensitive to my own needs, I'm a person who can feel and that's a good thing. That is a good thing, Yes. Evie asks, What if you are too sensitive and you feel everything very deeply? Well, In my book there isn't something like too sensitive. When we use the words too sensitive it basically means that we have all those judgments of others that we once heard about our emotion, Oh you're so emotional, Can't you control yourself or, You know, Whatever you heard. So you're thinking that you're too sensitive but you're not, You're just sensitive, You're sensitive to your needs, You're sensitive to things going on and you're probably sensitive to what is going on with others. And of course the key is finding a way to bring balance in that and that has a lot to do with acknowledging what is going on within you so that you will start to experience less sensitivity because you pick the emotions up sooner. So when sometimes something happens and your emotions are really really big and overwhelming you that generally comes because you've not been listening to them when they were really really small and sometimes you cannot help yourself because you've trained yourself, Not so consciously most of the time, To not feel them until they're really really there and overwhelming you. So it all has to do with starting to be open for your emotions, Recognizing them sooner, Honoring them so that they don't have to spin out of control. So one of the things that I can tell you that when an emotion comes it always comes in a wave. So it comes and then it builds up and it flows through you and if you could just sit and let this wave of emotion going through you, Don't disturb it by pushing it away, Don't disturb it by adding a lot of extra thoughts so it can become higher, It just flows through you and it will dissipate slowly slowly. And then it will come another wave, Same pattern, Another wave and when you learn to ride those waves which I call surfing skills in my workshop, Then what happens is that you start to notice that the waves decrease slowly and at a certain moment it becomes more flat and the emotion is just has done its work, It has told its message, You have received it and it has flown out of you. But when you start to judge yourself because you have an emotion or you try to push them away or you're going to add a lot of thoughts of memories or things that you know of other times that you had that same emotion, Then it will build up and then there only, And then sometimes you still can keep it in and then the next time something small happens and everything bursts out of you and you would think you are too sensitive but the matter is just that once before you were keeping those emotions within you and that's why they're now. Because emotions are like water, It wants to run, You cannot contain water, Well you can put it in a glass or a bottle but when you shake it, It's moving, Emotions are just like that. It's not for nothing that we associate water with emotions, Right? When you look, Well I don't know much about astrology but I do know that the water signs are generally seen as folks with emotions running easily through them, With them. Well it has to do with that quality of water, So that is the idea. But I'm telling you already a lot of bits and pieces which is nice but I'm going to tell you a straight and more constructive structure story about what emotions are telling us. Let me just see. Jay asks what is the difference between emotions and feelings? Well that's a really great question. Yeah it depends a little bit. You know generally we use those intertwined emotions and feelings. When you look in the scientific literature where these are concepts then there is a distinction between emotions, Feelings and even effects. So and then basically they are the effects is a response, An emotional response to something that you're not so much aware of. Then there comes an emotion that is the physical response that we are aware of and that physical response is created by hormones, By response of our stress nervous system basically on that effect that's already happened in the brain before we were really conscious of it. And that creates feelings and those feelings are you can generally see more as the actual physical response of your body. But it doesn't always help in that sense to for you as a practitioner of emotions to know the distinction but it's or maybe sometimes it can help to know that. So I hope I answered your question with that. So what are our emotions telling us? Let me tell you like this. So imagine that within you, Within you, Just imagine within you there is the true you, The real you, The authentic you and you might think now yeah I know people are saying that but I have no idea who I truly am. I have no idea what my authentic self is and that's okay because most people don't really know that. Even people are who are working on getting to know their authentic self are in a lifelong work in progress because really understanding who you are, What it is that you want, What it is that you don't want, What your desires are, What your dreams are, What your talents are, What your flaws are. That's a process that takes all your life and it's just an expanding knowledge that starts already from the moment that you are born. So we could call this your soul, Your inner being, Your intuition, Your core, That who you truly are. Whatever words you can use or just you, That's okay, It doesn't matter. But you can have a sense of that, Right? So when you are interacting with others sometimes you feel that you're adapting a little bit or sometimes you feel that you're adapting a lot because you want them to like you or you want to look that you have some authority or you are at work and you're playing your role at work which is doing your work as best as you can and wanting to convey to the people around you that you're really good at your job. These are all parts of our experience in life, In being, And this is absolutely part of our authentic self because that's authentic self, That inner being is within us. So we can be a part of that. Inner being is within us. But the way we shape our own reality, The way that we are living our lives has to do a lot with expectations that we have about ourselves. And these expectations we pick up during our upbringing but basically during our whole lives up until the day of today. Every day you have experiences, You meet people, You think things, You find something about yourself and those shape your expectation of how you would like to be, How you would like to act, How you would like to think, How you would like to look. And in certain instances that is part of your authentic self. But a lot of those expectations are often formed by things external to us. So like I said just before, When we are growing up we get so many cues from the people that are raising us, And I don't mean just your parents and your family but I also mean your teachers, I mean your friends, The friends you're playing with and just people in the street, Your society, Things we pick up on television, In the news, In magazines, In books, They all shape an idea of who we would like to be. But that who we would like to be in the broadest sense possible is very often also connected with parts that we don't like about ourselves. Things that we think you know I wish I were blonde instead of brown hair, Well then we can dye our hair that's pretty easy. But if we would like to be two meters tall and we are only 160 so then you know you cannot grow up 40 centimeters more so we get disappointments and these are just the physical parts. There are many more other things like the ideas that we have that we would like to be smarter, That we would like to have a better job or a better education, We would like to have a partner or we would like to have not a partner, We would like to have a different partner. We wished we had kids or we wished we didn't have kids or there are so many different things that shape how we are, How we are interacting. And because life happens with a lot of demands because we are basically all trying to make a living, Doing our job because we have to make money so we can pay our bills, We can pay for the life that we really like. And in that pathway a lot creeps in that we are doing things that we don't always really like or really would like to do but we think it's a smarter way to go like that because everyone says so or we're trained to do that. An example I heard I spoke today with someone who said that they really would like to go to the art academy to study to become an artist. But it was an economic crisis, It didn't seem like a good idea so they did something completely different and they're doing that now. With satisfaction, Finding creativity in there, So you know all is well. But that's the idea that we as societies also give to our children, Make smart choices, Choose something that you can earn money with, Choose something that will bring you success. But what is success? Well there are a lot of questions that we could go deeper into philosophies about what would be the good life but I don't want to go there now. What I just want to tell you is that you have a sense of the life that you're leading and that in that life there are a lot of things that you find that you have to do, A lot of things that you feel that it cannot be different than that although you might want to have it differently. So now imagine that this inner being, This soul, Your core, Knows exactly that you are so worthy, So lovable, So loving, Knows that you have everything in you to create a beautiful life even when you don't follow those steps, Those things that you have to do. So what an emotion is basically telling us is how close we are in everything we do to that authentic self or how far apart we are. So for instance if someone is ill and is really really feeling ill and really really feeling bad and starts to think a lot of things I will never get better, I will oh I don't think I will ever ever be in a state that I don't have pain anymore or that I will not find happiness anymore, You know thoughts like that, They create a really terrible feeling, A really unpleasant feeling. And so you have to be aware of that feeling. I prefer to speak about feelings and emotions that feel pleasant and emotions that feel unpleasant. So when they feel unpleasant it means that you are detaching yourself more from that authentic self. And the moment, So in the example that I had, That person, If that person would allow themselves to feel okay I'm really really feeling desperate now and that really really feels bad and I might not know what is going to be with my illness, I might not know when I get better, How I get better, If I will get better, But I do know that in this moment I can try to start to feel a little bit better. So you know I don't know what's going to happen with me, I just know that I'm here now and I know that I'm alive, I know that I'm breathing, I know that I'm feeling things, So for now let me be with that. So and by thinking thoughts like that, You know, You can feel a little bit sense of relief. So the feeling, The emotion feels a little bit less unpleasant than just before and now you're on the way. So basically what happens, You are letting go of all those thoughts, That experience that everything is not going well with you and you're coming closer to that sense of who you truly are. Because who you truly are, Whatever happens, You are lovable, You are worthy and so often when we are feeling unpleasant emotions it is because somewhere we think we're doing it wrong, Somewhere we think we did something we did something wrong, Somewhere we think we should have done it differently, When someone hurts us because they are saying something terrible and we feel really really bad about that, It actually is just because at that moment we believe what they are saying is true. So I don't say that when someone calls you names that you should not have a response, That it's hurting you because that's really really normal, Really really human, But then the next step would be to bounce back to who you truly are and knowing that that name caller is probably calling themselves those names because otherwise they wouldn't tell you, But you know that this is not right, You know who you are, You know you're lovable, You know you're worthy, You know you are love. But that core, Knowing that you are lovable and worthy, That's sometimes hard for us and that all has to do, And you don't even have to have had a terrible childhood, We all pick up these things where someone was mad at us, Someone who was important to us and we feel that we did something wrong and also you know those people very often, Your parents, They didn't mean to hurt you, They were doing this with the best intentions because they want you to lead the best life, But everyone who wants to educate us is often coming from a position where they have their own emotions, They have their own pains, They have their own frustrations, Their own history and sometimes they project it on us. I don't know if you're a parent you might know what I mean, I'm a parent myself and I still notice that sometimes when my kids are suffering or having a hard time, You know I would love to tell them from my own experience so that they can learn from that and skip that part of being human and finding your way out of that emotion, But by now I also know that they have to do it by themselves. I cannot live their life, I cannot even let them learn from my mistakes and my experiences because they are them, They're unique and I just now am trying to convey to my kids that they are lovable, That they are worthy always and that doesn't mean that they always believe me but having someone telling them that, I think it's a basis. So this is not at all blaming your parents or blaming you as a parent or blaming you believing those things. It's so human, It just belongs to our human existence and that's perfectly fine because it's also really really valuable. Because what is an emotion telling you? Your emotion is telling you, Hey you got distance from who you really are and who you really are is that person that you want to be, That person that you can be, That person with your gifts and talents and acceptance of your flaws and words and everything that is not nice of you, You're really far from that. So when you make a mistake and you get really angry at yourself because you're making a mistake, That could be the first response but that emotion is unpleasant, It doesn't feel good. So it's up to you to recognize that you are unkind to yourself, That you're not gentle to yourself and in that moment to decide, I feel unpleasant, Now my authentic self is telling me that I'm wrong, My authentic self is now detached from me because I'm telling myself that I did it wrong and I was stupid and I should have done it differently. So what can I tell myself now? Wait, Everyone makes mistakes, Yeah so I made a mistake, I learned from mistakes, Maybe next time I will not do it, Maybe next time I will do it and then again I will forgive myself and then when you start on that pathway you will feel that there is a sense of relief, The emotions, The feelings change because you're coming closer to that authentic self, That inner being. So what are our emotions telling us? Our emotions are telling us if we are kind and gentle to ourselves and if you're kind and gentle to yourself, It doesn't mean that you feel happy all the time, That you are you know screaming from joy and optimism and hope and all those beautiful pleasant feelings that we can feel. The baseline is being pretty content with who you are, Where you are, Understanding that sometimes you drop and then you can get up, Understanding that sometimes you feel exhilaration and happiness and then you can come back to your contentment, To you know being in this quiet, Content, Satisfied, Pleasant situation where there is a calmness in your emotions and when something happens that you dip, That's okay because you know how to get back and when beautiful things happen that you experience happy things and pleasant emotions, That's great and then you can bounce back because no one can be filled with enthusiasm 24-7, You know, It would tire you. The good thing is that you can move. So and then you are, Yeah, A sensitive person. Someone tells you something mean, You might cry for a moment and then remind yourself, Hey, But I'm worthy, I'm lovable, Feeling that and you're bouncing back being content and leaving it with them, Whatever is going on and the beautiful thing is when you start to master dealing with emotions in that way, It becomes also easier to interact with others. You feel better where your boundaries are and how you can communicate those in a kind way, In a way that suits you, That fits you. Tomorrow in my life, By the way, I'm speaking about setting boundaries, So if you're interested in that, Come tomorrow same time, I will speak about that. So basically that's my whole story about what our emotions are telling us. So let me just take a look before we get into a meditation so you can experience for yourself if there are questions about this because there might be some things that I can clarify. If there is, Then just ask your question here. All right, So I see here, I see here, Ah, Farnas, I hope you found your cat. Cats sometimes can be gone suddenly, But generally they return. I have a few myself. Mel says, I'm currently getting used to feelings I've not experienced so much before, Like happiness and contentment. Oh, That's good, That sounds good, That's really, Really nice. Let's see, Hi Liz, Lovely that you are here. Hi Monica, That's about the cats. Peta says, That's mind-blowing Femke. I'm happy that you, That you, That you feel like that. But I know that you signed up for my workshop Sunday, So we will get into this again and more and we get some two practices to go about that. I'm so happy to hear that. Thank you for sharing that. Aili or Ali, I don't know how to pronounce it. I think Aili, You're most welcome. Let's see, Mel says, Yes, It's why I feel better, Realigned with my true self. Absolutely. And, You know, That true self, That authentic self, We sometimes have an idea that is, That in itself to be that or be aware of that is like this big hill that we use, Big mountain that we have to climb, But that's not the way to go for it. It's basically just being gentle and kind to yourself. And then you're there, Then you're right there, Right there because your, Your authentic self, You know, It's, It's, It's patiently waiting there. It's not shouting. It's just there. It's always loving you. It's always telling you that you're worthy. And that's why it feels so unpleasant when you tell yourself knowingly or not, That you're not worthy. When you're telling you that you're doing things wrong or that you should do something better or that you should look different or that you should have said something differently. All those things make that we detach ourselves from that inner knowing that we are who we are and which is love, Which is lovable, Which is worthy. And it goes for every being, Right? It's not just you and you and you and you here. It's every being on this planet. And maybe there are other beings on other planets, Also them, But I don't know. So I cannot speak to them. Although I love Star Trek. That's why I mention it. But okay, Sorry. I'm bringing up Star Trek. That's because I just love Star Trek. I just hope there are beings out there. You understand? But yeah, All our beings are so lovable. We are love. That's what we are. When we are born, We're just pure love. And our parents are also pure love for us. And they want the best for us. And in their efforts to bring the best to us, Sometimes they teach us unwillingly that we're not worthy. But that's okay. That's the experience of almost everyone. Even when you had the most loving people in the world, Then still sometimes we can pick those things up. But now you know it. And now you can start working. Be gentle to yourself. And if that doesn't work out immediately, That's okay. It's a lifelong work in progress. Imagine that you already understood everything and you could do everything already. Life would be boring. The beauty is of understanding that when you feel unpleasant emotions, Hey, Apparently I'm not true to who I really am. Let's find my way back. And when you find your way back, That's so good. That feels so good. That's what Mel said. That sense of contentment. And suddenly you realize that you're happy just because you're drinking a really good cup of tea. That it fills you with happiness. Because that's exactly what you wanted right now in a moment. So if you take a look in my library of guided tracks here on Insight Timer, There are many. Also my lives, If they're technically okay. And if I feel that the content was also really nice, Then I published them there also a few days after. But there are also a lot of guided meditations. I'm here already now, Three years on Insight Timer. So it's quite a bunch there. But there is also one from five minutes only. It's called waking up with a loving practice. That's a morning practice. Let me just tell you what it is about. It's five minutes. And basically you do it when you're still in bed, Still lying down. When you just, You know, You just come awake. You can even have your eyes closed. And then the practice is that you're going to greet yourself. Just saying hi, Good morning. And then ask yourself, How are you doing? And then generally being interested in the answer from your inner being, From knowing what you need right now, Because that's your next question. What is it that I need right now to feel a little bit better than I'm feeling now? And I don't assume or imply that you're not feeling good, But wherever you are, Whether you're feeling good, You can feel better. Or when you're feeling bad, You can feel better. And you basically ask then your authentic self, What is it that I need right now? And of course, If you have to get up, Go to your work and you don't have time to give it to yourself, Then you have to do that. But you make a mental note or maybe even better, You write yourself a note to remind yourself to come back later and to honor this need. And if you have the room to honor it right now, That's even better. But I understand that sometimes you have obligations that you have to fulfill. The beauty of this practice is when you start to do this every day for let's say a month, You're training yourself to become sensitive to what is going on within and what you need. And although you cannot always fulfill your needs right away because it's not possible, It's good to listen to them and to tell yourself that you are taking yourself seriously, That you need this right now and that you promise yourself to do this later. So for instance, You wake up and you feel, When you ask yourself, I would like to sleep a little bit longer, But you cannot because you have to wake up the kids to go to school and then you have to go to work. Well, That's okay, But you can then tell yourself, So tonight I'm going to bed early. I will give myself sleep. My body tells me that I need to get some more sleep. So I'm going to honor that. So, You know, It's becoming aware of what you need and whether or not you can fulfill those needs immediately, Because sometimes that's not possible. It's becoming aware and finding ways to do so. And then things starting to change because that's the way of understanding that sometimes you have to say no to people, Understanding that sometimes you have a lot of energy that you can follow and sometimes you don't have so much energy and you should rest, You know, Getting in tune with yourself, With your body, With what's going on in your mind, With your soul by making that connection. So let's see what else, What kind of questions are there. Steve asks a really profound question. What about trauma when you can't regulate them, Control them or put them in a box? Yeah, I can understand. So when there is trauma, That is really, Really difficult. And with someone who has experienced trauma, I really recommend also to find professional help with that, Because generally that's something that's really, Really hard to do just by yourself. With trauma there are so many more things involved and clinical psychologists, Which I'm not, I'm a research psychologist, I'm studying political behaviour from a psychological perspective and I'm a meditation teacher. But what I know from the work that I do, That if someone with severe trauma or with trauma would come to me, I would recommend them to see a clinical psychologist because they can really, Really help you, Someone who's specialised in working with trauma. Let's meditate and experience this process for a moment in the meditation where, You know, We recognise the feeling and we see what it has to tell us and then we see if we can reach for a little bit more. Right. And then afterward, I will come back to see if you have any more questions. And I will tell you a little bit about that workshop, Because it is going to be a great workshop, You know, Four hours in a row with some breaks in between, Coming Sunday, Starting at 12 p. M. Eastern Standard Time. Later, I will tell you more. Now, Let's meditate. So sit comfortably or lie down comfortably, Whatever suits you, Whatever feels good. And when you're sitting, It's perfectly fine to lean against the back of your chair or the sofa or the wall. You don't have to. If you're comfortable just sitting up, That's also really great. But the key here is comfort. I don't want you to be struggling with your meditation. I want you to feel comfortable and good during the meditation. Now gently close your eyes. And just take some time to feel how you are sitting or lying. The touch points with the ground, Your feet on the ground. Your thighs and buttocks resting on the seat. Your back against the chair or the mattress. Your arms, Your hands relaxed in your lap. Is there any tension somewhere in your body? If there is, Then shift a little bit and see if you can settle. Pay especially attention to your forehead, Your jaws, Your shoulders. Is your belly free, Not tucked in? These are the notorious places to keep tension. So be aware if it's there, Then just shift, Move it a little bit so you can let go. And if it's really hard, You can make first a lot of tension by making a lemon face or pulling up your shoulders and then just drop it and sigh it out. Now I would like you to put your hands on your heart, On your chest for a moment. Because our heart is the core of our emotions. We don't always experience the emotions in our heart, But our heart is that sensitive organ that keeps us alive, That keeps the juices flowing through our body. And the organ that we associate with love and fear and emotions. And I think that when you think of emotions, You could see fear at the bottom and one of the most unpleasant emotions. A lot of our unpleasant emotions are connected to fear. Fear of pain, Fear of loss. And then on the upper end, I would say that love and joy is like the top of emotions. So whenever you feel love, It means that you are 100% compatible with your authentic self. So I would like you to think for a moment of when you felt love last time. And it can be really small. It doesn't have to be a big love for a romantic partner. It can just be, You know, Loving your coffee or your pet, Smelling a rose and just loving that smell and that sight of the rose. Love is in the smallest corners of our experience. And we're not always so aware that this is love and that this is at our fingertips. We so often look for others to love us and it's really beautiful if others love us. But the only thing that happens when someone loves us is that we allow ourselves to connect to this feeling that is already within us. We are love. We are love. And we are so lovable. And when someone loves us, We feel free to experience that feeling, But it's actually us loving us because someone else is helping us focus. But you know, The truth is we don't need someone else to do so. It's really great when they're there, But you know, When they're grumpy or not there on a vacation or they go away on whatever reason, Then we feel not so lovable anymore. And that's not true. You are lovable. It's right within you. And the beauty is that when you connect to this, You feed yourself, You feed your soul. And then the love from someone else becomes richer because it just resonates with what you already know about you. That you are lovable and worthy. You are love. So think of that last time that you felt love. And again, It doesn't have to be big. Where do you feel it in your body? It might be that you don't feel it in your heart. It might be that you feel it somewhere else. That's okay. And if you prefer to put your hands there, Maybe it's in your stomach or your belly, Maybe it's in your throat or your forehead, Maybe it's in your hands. Maybe you just want to give yourself a hug to feel it wherever it is. Just go with it and feel it. That feels good, Right? Really, Really recognize the experience of your body when you connect to that feeling of love. And if you find it hard, Because that is okay when that happens, Some people find it hard. It just means that you forgot how to train yourself to connect to this feeling. And that we are working on right now. So it's okay. It's okay. If you don't feel it, Then think of someone. Think of someone that loved you unconditionally most of the time. You know, That beautiful grandparents or one of your parents or your siblings or your best friend. Or maybe just your dog or your cat. Because you know, You feel that they love you, Then think of them and, You know, Use their focus on you to make that connection. That's okay. It's okay to use another being to make that connection as long as you know that you are doing it yourself. So now again, Where do you feel this in your body? All right, Now imagine that this feeling that you're feeling right now would pop out of you, In front of you, And would become a being in itself. Getting a shape. You know, Just let it happen. Let this feeling pop out of you. Be in front of you. It might tickle a little bit, But for sure it's an uplifting experience. It doesn't feel bad. It doesn't feel unpleasant. It feels pretty good. Maybe you have to laugh or giggle a little bit. And now use your fantasy. Just let bubble up how this being starts to shape. Maybe you see yourself. Maybe you see someone you know. Maybe it's a fantasy being. Maybe it's a unicorn. Maybe it's your dog. Maybe it's a flower. It doesn't matter. Just see this being. The reification of your love for you. That feeling of love. So take a look at the shape or know the shape. Does it have any legs, Hands? Is there a face? Is there a smile? Just let it shape. And it's really great because when you look at it, When you look at your own love standing in front of you, You just feel so much love. It's not it jumped out of you, But it's like so connected with you. It's so still part of you. And when you look good, You might see that there are like little beautiful, Colorful strings between your heart and this being. This being is really, Really part of you. Sending you so much love. Because when you look at these little strings, You can almost see like sparks flowing through it from you to them, From them to you. You know, Let those sparks grow bigger. Let's just do that. Let those sparks grow bigger and bigger. Yes, Open yourself up. You know, The strings might just become like tubes and this love is just going back and forth, Back and forth, Lighting up. And it would be really, Really great if you could give this a color of your liking, A color that means love for you. And if you don't know what color it is, Then just make it like this warm, Golden, Sunny light. But if you want to make it green or purple or white or orange or whatever color you like, Pick that one. Yes, Yeah, That one. Don't overthink it. Just let it be. And can you feel that rush, That sense of love? How this feels in your body, How it feels to allow this flow in, How it starts to fill your whole body, Not just your whole heart and your chest, But it also starts to shoot in your arms and your fingers. It just shoots out of your fingers as if your fingers are fountains in itself and it shoots up into your neck, Into your head and it shoots out of the crown of your head like a fountain actually. And now it's also going into your belly, Over your stomach, Filling your whole belly, Your pelvis, Your upper legs, Your under legs, Your feet. And now it shoots also out of your feet into the earth. Ooh. And with shooting into the earth, There is a sense of grounding. It's like it's creating roots, Roots into this beautiful earth, Connecting you with the power of the earth. Ooh. You know what? Let those roots grow deeper, Even. Let those roots grow into the core of the earth, You know, Where the love and the fire of the earth rests in the middle of its core. And when your roots come there, Then that beautiful earth love is shooting up into your roots coming up, Just filling you mingling and mixing with a beautiful light that you have already. And now you know that not just you love you, But also the earth loves you. Always. This earth is always here to support you. So whenever you cannot connect to this feeling of love, Then just imagine your roots into the earth, Knowing that you are connected and supported by mother earth. Mother earth, Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Mother earth, Can you hear those words? She's not called mother earth for nothing. Having her warm arms, Her loving energy flowing all over you, In you. So when you are feeling this rush of love through you, And you see it expand from you, From your chest, Through those tubes, Through that being in front of you that represents your love, Until it encompasses you, You're now in this big bubble of light, Big bubble of love together with this being that represents your love. Who would want to go now to an emotion that doesn't feel so good? But we can probe a little bit. So while you feel this connection, I'm just asking you, Can you think of something in your life that gives you an unpleasant emotion? And you know, I bet you can. But I want you to feel the difference between thinking of it right now and thinking of it when you're not in such a good place. Do you feel there is a difference? Do you feel there is a difference? Do you feel there is some light heartedness that you think, Oh yeah, Yeah, I'm always feeling so angry when this person is doing this and this and this, But it's almost as if it cannot touch you because your heart is so overflowing with love. And that is the power of training yourself to this connection with your authentic self, Where contentment is as a baseline present. And contentment is just a little bit less energized version of what you're feeling right now. And knowing that that baseline is there, That you can hold yourself onto it. This is where you can always bounce back to where it's going. You're going down or up, You will bounce back to the baseline. That will help you. But okay, Let's say that you now can think of this emotion that is sometimes bugging you. And don't dig too deep for a really, Really big one because you're way up too high now to go there. But I bet you can find something that is annoying you, Irritating you, That you sometimes think about and it doesn't feel so good. So think of this for a moment if you can. And if you cannot, Then just enjoy this flow of love, Right? Because that's good. If you cannot go there, It means you have this flow really strong. But if you can think of something, Then I would like you to materialize also this emotion into a emotion, Into a being. Just place it next to this loving being that is you. So just let it jump out of you. And you know, You don't have to label this emotion right now. That's okay. You don't have to explain to yourself why you're feeling it. You don't have to give words or explanation. You just know this is sometimes there and you just let it pop out of you, In front of you. And you let it shape into a being and just watch what kind of being it becomes. Maybe it's you, Maybe it's someone else, Maybe it's someone you don't know, Maybe it's a fantasy figure, Maybe it's a unicorn. It can be anything. Just take a look at the shape. Does it have arms, Legs? Does it have a face? Is there a smile or a growl? That feels different, Right? Yeah, Can you feel that difference? All right. Now, When you have some clarity about this being, And I mean that you get a sense of its presence, You see it or you know it to be, But you don't have to clarify. You don't have to really dig deep to understand what is there. Just get a sense of it. Now, I would like you to ask it, What it needs, What it needs to feel better. And you can ask this just by words, Or you can just know that you want to know this answer. So let's ask, What do you need from me to feel better? And now let the answer come. You don't have to think about it. Your subconsciousness is going to give you an answer and you might understand the answer or not, And that's okay. If you don't understand, It will come later. And if you do understand, Then that's also fine. You don't have to explain it to yourself, You don't have to make it bigger. Just let it be there. And this answer can come in a sentence, In a word, In an image, In a sound, In a knowing, In a feeling. All right, Now you now know what this being needs right now. So before you know it, Your loving being who is there, Who is part of you, Who was observing, Is now going to give this being exactly what it needs. So if this being said, I just need to be hugged to feel better, Then this loving being will give a hug. When this being says, I just need to hear my favorite song, Then your loving being starts to sing or puts on the radio where the song is. Maybe this being needs to know that it's safe. Then your loving being will make sure it feels safe. It will hold its hand, Its arm, Whatever you can hold, And tell them with me you're safe. So I'm going to give you a minute to let this happen. And don't overthink it, Don't think about it. Just let your fantasy do the work. And whenever you think, I don't have a clue what's going on here, Just observe it, Just let it happen. The understanding will come later. Because your subconsciousness, Your inner being is so wise, It knows exactly what needs to happen here. So go ahead. Notice what you are feeling when you're observing this. Can you feel a sense of relief? Can you feel some release maybe of that emotion? It might be that you become emotional in the sense that you will start to have tears or maybe even cry. And that's okay. Crying is good, Crying is releasing of attention. Crying is letting the emotion run out, Letting it wave through you, And that's okay. Don't be ashamed of your tears, Don't push them away. It's all part of your human experience, It's okay. So now see how this being of the unpleasant emotion starts to change when your loving being is giving all that love, Is giving everything that is needed. The shape, The color, See what changes. Maybe they dissipate, Maybe they get a smile, Maybe they change shape. Whatever happens is okay, Just observe it and just know that something within you is transformed right now. Something within you is healed right now. Maybe it's just a small part, Oh it still has to be done, But that's okay. That's okay. You have your whole life to work on these things and you made such a beautiful start right now. All right, Now I would love for you and your loving being to say goodbye to this other being. And when you do so, You can see that they are satisfied, They have been fulfilled with their need. Maybe they even dissipated, Maybe you don't even see them and then you don't have to bring them back because then you did your job. Maybe there is still some part there, But you can just send them love and know that this is something that you will come back to. Now put your hands back on your heart and bring your attention again to this loving part of you, This loving being. And thank them, Thank them for being so pure, Being so loving, Showing you that you are love no matter what. Now ask them to join you again, To blend with you, To bring all that love, That connection closer within you back into your heart. And just imagine how you would like to do that. You can just pull them in or you can just let them dissipate and just know that it's within you again. And put your hands on your heart again. Can you feel that? Can you feel that? Can you feel that presence, That innate presence of love? My dear, You are love and you are so loveable, You are so worthy, You are unique, You are capable, You are powerful, You are love. Now before we get out of this meditation, I would like you to ask yourself what is it that I need right now? What is it that I need right now? And whatever the answer is, Just take it seriously and make a note that this is what you will do now or later today or later this week. But you will honor this need because you are now so in touch, So in tune with yourself that it's really easy to hear your needs from the moment. So if it tells you you need to take a nap or go to sleep, And you can then do that. If it tells you to start working on that beautiful letter that you wanted to write to someone you love, Then just do that. If it says go take a walk in nature, Then if you can do it, Or do it this weekend if you cannot now. Whatever it is, Promise yourself that you will honor this need now or later. My dear friends, This is self love, This is self gentleness, This is being kind to yourself, This is understanding what the message of emotions is and how you can work with them. And when you are in a really difficult emotional place with a lot of difficult unpleasant emotions going on, I understand it's hard to get here. But then you could also strive for a pleasant emotion that is a little bit lower in energy than love is. So for instance you could search for what would just give me a feeling of contentment right now, Or what would give me a feeling of hope, What would give me a sense of optimism, And just probe for practice or thoughts that will help you get there. And of course meditation is such a beautiful tool to do that. Alright now, You can let your attention go from your heart, You can put your hands in your lap again if they are not aware already, And I invite you to slowly come back, But if you feel you want to sleep then don't come back, Just close me off, Close your eyes, Turn around and go to sleep. So take your time, Just wiggle your fingers and toes, Stretch your spine, And whenever you are ready you can gently open your eyes, But take your time. I'll be waiting here for you to see if there are any more questions, Remarks, And then I will tell a little bit about the workshop. Oh thank you Mel, Mel says, Femke's workshops are great, Yeah Mel knows, She was already in too till now. Yeah, I love working with Mel. Oh thank you Mona for your donation, It's so kind, Thank you so much, Thank you. I'm happy that you liked it Mariam. Yeah. Actually my plan was, So you have to know I always plan like, I have an idea for the meditation and then I just go into it and I see where it takes us. I was actually planning to first let us experience difficult emotion and work through that, But I was immediately guided by my authentic self to connect us to love and I now understand because when you connect to that feeling, It's so powerful that it's really really hard to connect to something that feels unpleasant and that's something important. I mean, I know it can be frustrating because having the sense of love is sometimes hard, But knowing that you can do that, That it's within you, Just knowing that even though you might not achieve it right now, But knowing that you can do it, That's already so powerful, That's so empowering. So that's a good experience I think. So yeah, I went with my intuition and this is what we got. I liked it, I hope you too. Julie says meditation tomorrow helps with love, Amazing, Absolutely, Yes. Alicia says as always I learned and feel at peace, Thank you. Well thank you for being here and I'm happy that you feel like that, Yeah. And remember, You did it, Right? I guided you and I showed you maybe a little bit where you could walk, But you did the walk, You did the work. I just showed you what you could do, But you did it. That's important to me. I'm not, I don't want to be a, You know, Guru that only with me you can feel this, No. I want to show you that you have this within you and you can reach this always. And I want to teach you how you can do that, But that's why I'm here and you did it. Evie asks how can we deal with emotions of bereavement? We have had two bereavements recently, Second one today. I'm so sorry for you Evie, So big hugs, Yeah. Well, You know, Grief, Grief is an unpleasant emotion, But the thing that you could hold onto by knowing when you feel grief is that it's also an expression of your love. And what I just said in the meditation is that when someone loves you, That you allow yourself to feel that love, But it is really important to realize that this love is within you. The other one, Just the presence of the other one, The focus of them on you helps you to connect to that feeling. So when someone passes away, This is again the situation. We miss them. We miss them because they're not in our lives anymore. And thus we feel that this love is disconnected. So there has to be room for grief. You cannot just work out of that grief, But as you might know from grief that you experienced before in your life, Sometimes there are these moments that you're grieving and suddenly you remember something of this deceased that makes you smile when you remember them, That makes you feel good because of the memory and then you cry again because you missed them so much. So this is all part of that process. So grieving is a process and that needs to take its course and it will help you to know that that love that you feel for them is still there. So in a sense, Whatever you believe, They're still with you. Their love, That connection is still with you and you can connect to that love, Maybe not in the biggest moment of grief, But as a process slowly, Slowly will start to connect there. So in my guided audio tracks, There is a track, It's called letting go of the illusion of separation. It's a big title. Hey, I knew the title, But this is basically it. This is a meditation that you can do when you miss someone. You can do it because someone has died or you can do it when you have a breakup or you can do it because your kid is studying in a different country and you don't see him. Whatever reason that you miss someone, It's a really helpful meditation. Maybe now or this week, But you could check it out because this meditation guides you to that knowing that they, That love that you can still find them in your heart, Even though they have passed away. But it will take some time and I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you. I'm sending you a lot of love and lots of hugs near Evie. So Farnas says, Well, I can't call it self love if one gets love from others. Yeah, You know, Actually the word love has so many connotations. We have so many ideas about what love is, How it should look, How people should behave before we love them. And this all confuses us with that idea that we are love and we can connect to our own love every moment in time. Every moment in time, You just have to know how and that's sometimes hard, But yeah. But it's also something for you to find out what words you like to use, What the love from a different person means to you. Because of course it's so wonderful when someone loves you. It's really, Really wonderful. But the core of it is that because someone loves you, You allow yourself to feel all that love that you have in you. And you can also do that when that person is not there. That's basically my message. So if you have any questions, Then ask them here. You can also come to my life tomorrow. That's the same time like today. And then the title, The topic is setting boundaries. You know, Also profound work that all has to do with being gentle to yourself, Of course. And also then you can ask your questions. So if you now we close off and you suddenly have a question, Then come tomorrow or write it in my public meditation group. It's called Femke's Meditation Group. And you're most welcome to join me there if you don't already. And you can also ask your questions there. Have a beautiful day, Have a beautiful night. Sending you so much love. Thank you for meditating with me. And I hope to see you tomorrow. And maybe Sunday. Bye.